Mr Brown quotes from Mind Your Language

There will be no throat-slicing in my class! If you want to do that sort of thing, you should have joined the Sports in Pastimes.

I was engaged once. Matter of fact, I proposed marriage, but it didn't really work out. There was quite a lot of opposition.

Her father?

No, her husband. I didn't realise she was married at the time.

I thought you and Surinder made a lovely couple.

With all due respect, she was a couple on her own.

(holds up lime juice) Giovanni?

Giovanni

Lime juice.

(holds up milk) Juan?

Juan

Cow juice.

Milk.

Do you know where we get milk from, Juan?

Juan

Si, señora... the milkman!

Danielle should wave from window all by herself.

She still may not be sufficient to attract enough attention.

It would if she took her clothes off!

You are changing your tune! When you are thinking that I am very wealthy, you are being my bloody brother.

Ranjeet

That is before I'm finding out you are bloody stupid!

Don't you call me bloody stupid, you bearded baboon!

Quiet the pair of you and sit down. (to Ali) I presume you're staying now, Ali.

I'm staying now, yes.

Well, how would you pronounce "F-I-T"?

Ranjeet

Fit!

Juan

Si señor, one right fit, one left fit!

No, Juan!

Where are you going?

Giovanni

We go to spend 2p.

The phrase is "spend a penny".

Giovanni

Sure. I spend a penny, he spend a penny; we spend 2p.

Ali, I?

You are what?

A word beginning with the letter I

Infidel

Ranjeet

Are you meaning me?

Yes, please

Ranjeet

Jackass

Are you meaning me?

Ranjeet

Most definitely!

I knock your damn turban off you monkey face!

Juan, does Boris speak any English?

Juan

I teach him a little

Well, good. Why do you wish to leave Russia?

Por favore?

I see you speak English as well as Juan does

Think of a word that describes you.

Stupid

Ranjeet

Don't you call me stupid, you half-witted Pakistani popadom!

Don't you call me Pakistani popadom you brown chapati!

Ranjeet

And then came the Muslims!

Don't you call me ape you son of a cross-eyed goat!

Quiet the pair of you! If I have any more trouble, you both stay behind for extra study.

I sit at backside with Tarō.

No, Jamila. You will sit at the back. Backside is what you sit on.

(chuckles) Oh, no, master-jī. What I sit on is chair!

Shall I ask Gladys to make up a couple of ham rolls, in case they feel a bit peckish?

Ham rolls?! You can't give royalty ham rolls! This is a very special occasion! Tell her to open a tin of salmon.

(points to the window) What is that?

Door.

Window. (then points to the door)

Ah, door!

Good.

Crumpet!