Men in Black: The Series · Season 1
(sees Jeebs) Jeebs... (to the agent next to him) Who let him in here?!
He's not a guest?
He runs a pawnshop. He's a scavenger.
Hey! I don't speak ill of your career.
You have three seconds to get out, Jeebs.
It's a free...
[K blows his head off with a blaster. Jeebs' head grows back. Two MIB agents drag him out of the hotel]
You were supposed to count, K!
(puts gun away) Got no time to count.
You've really gone off the deep end, Alpha.
Deep space. I've spent twenty years travelling the cosmos, handpicking alien anatomy, surgically enhancing myself, becoming more powerful than any one alien, or human!
I bet not one of those body parts came willingly.
Hey, I got a human attached to me! Get me some wart-remover!
[smacks him] Shut up.
Is this thing safe?
It's intended for the originator of the memories. It'll either work, or your head will explode.
[J stares at L, shocked]
You asked.
Join me, K. Be like me.
A circus freak?
The cosmic intergrator opened my mind! My body had to follow. If only you knew what was in here.
I used to think I did... until you left me for dead.
Well, stuff happens. But I'm offering you immortality, K. I'll get you another heart. It won't hurt a bit.
You wouldn't go all the way to Sentillia for that heart, would you?
Why should I? Plenty of Sentillians right here on Earth.
I had the twins do a little research. Did you know that Sentillians can breath a gas that would make a human's lungs dissolve? Bet you did. So, I got to wondering... (takes out a can of Sentillian atmosphere gas) just how inhuman are you?
You wouldn't! It'll destroy us both!
I'm willing to live with that. The Sentillian, of course, walks. Come on, Alpha. Let's you and me take the ultimate thrill ride.
[J and L burst in the room]
They riding, too?
(Silence)
I didn't think so.
Your attention, please. Mr. Saben has left the building. I now return you to your regularly scheduled program. And Zed, ease off the bunt cake.
Minor grapefruit sizzling without the bric a brac sauce, radial tires go beep bop beep bop... [melts]
You're ignoring Zed's orders? Who's the hot dog here? [Sees that the LTD is gone] Our wheels. We've been carjacked!
Sorry, kid. I can't take you on this one.
What? Why?
I've already left. Besides, the underwear wrench can't tighten the laughing lumbago... [melts]
Can I clean in here yet?
Not yet, ma'am. [Shows her his ID] Hotel inspectors, Division 6.
Thought you might be MIB. Place is crawling with them.
[She walks away. J notices she has a lizard's feet and tail.]
(about himself) Forgot what hotel we were in.
Alpha. You got the Verrutians.
That's not all I've got. A cosmic intergrator, K. Locked and loaded. I'll let you touch it...
But... MIB won't allow an intergrator to be used on Earth for another thousand years. You said so yourself.
Forget what I said. The MIB doesn't even know it's here. Come on, K. Let's you and me take the ultimate thrill ride!
And reject everything you ever taught me? No.
[Takes out a gun] Fine. Then perish!
Can you believe those guys? Their muffled plastic fiestas are burning the eggplant shopping mart... [melts]
Virtual Selective Memory Projector? Sorry, guys. Wouldn't know anything about that.
Why is it that whenever yous say, "Wouldn't know anything about that", I get the feeling that you know everything about that?
You... have no trust in your fellow man?
Jeebs...
[gasps]
[points a giant laser canon at Jeebs] Our fellow man doesn't splatter green goo. Show us the goods now.
[pushes a button on his desk and a secret drawer opens]
Bingo!
How did that get there?
(points at a blackboard) See this word? It's Tarkan for "hello". Repeat after me. "Kanfamutekatafuutermet".
"Kamfamutekatafuuutermet"
The worms giggle
That's Tarkan for "hello, sailor".
In one mouth, out the other. But, betwixt, the twian shall meet.
Got it, Shakesphere.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Men in Black: The Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
