Tony quotes from Men Behaving Badly

Gary

I'll tell you a secret, you have to promise not to tell anyone though.

Tony

Sure.

Gary

To be honest, I'm having a bit of a problem... performing.

Tony

What, you mean...

Gary

Yeah.

Tony

The fire's burning but the logs not going in?

Gary

Yeah.

Tony

Mr. Toad's still curled up in Toad Hall?

Gary

Yeah.

Tony

The magic bus doesn't want to go to Manchester?

Gary

Thanks, no, it doesn't. Still, it's not a problem, happens to most men, sometime in their life.

Tony

Sure, mate, no, you'll be alright.

Gary

Thanks, mate.

Tony

Doesn't make you any less of a man, does it? Just because... you're a big poof.

Gary

What?

Deborah

It can take a long time to get pregnant, can't it?

Tony

Oh yeah, everything has to be right, the womb has to be in the right cycle; the, um, placebo has to be aligned with the aviary; and the seed must be freed.

Gary

[drunk] You know, I've never said this before...

Tony

[drunk] What?

Gary

"Ibble-wibble wibble".

Deborah

Where did you get it.

Tony

I don't know. I can't be expected to remember anything.

Deborah

I saw Gary kissing a woman.

Tony

A woman other than Dorothy?

Deborah

Yes.

Tony

Are you sure it wasn't Dorothy in disguise?

Deborah

Yes.

Tony

Or someone disguised as Gary?

Deborah

Yes.

Tony

Blimey... Wayhey!

Deborah

No, Tony, not "wayhey".

Tony

No, not "wayhey", sorry.

Deborah

Gary seemed really keen on this girl, and Dorothy thinks she's pregnant, it's all a big mess.

Tony

Oh, yes. Still, wayhey!

Deborah

No!

Tony

No. No, not, no.

Deborah

Talk to Gary, he'll listen to you.

Tony

He doesn't do anything I tell him to do, except for his Ken Dodd impression, he doesn't mind doing that.

Deborah

Well, find this girl, warn her off Gary. She's one of the delegates. I think her name's Wendy. Here...

Tony

Alright, but you must stay, and file my fish.

Deborah

No.

Gary

Dorothy thinks she might be pregnant.

Tony

How do they know?

Gary

I don't know, I think it's something to do with... no, I don't know.

Tony

Are you alright?

Dorothy

Well, let's see, everything's twice the size it was nine months ago and I'm growing another head inside me. Let's start there!