You see, I don't want to attract the wrong sort of person.
GeorgeNo, Marjorie and I talked about taking lodgers in, but she was scared of congestion on the stairs.
George
So, we thought about (grunts softly) letting out the room downstairs next to our living room.
Isn't that your kitchen, George?
George
Yes. I think that's why we decided against it in the end.
Anyway, these questions should weed out any unsuitable candidates.
George
Oh, er, ask me one.
[Gary is drunk and stagger into the office, slamming the door open]:
Did you have a nice drink with Tony?
Tony Posty! Yes, I did, thank you very much. Here, wait, wait a minute, I've always wanted to...I've always to try this.
[He swings on the door then gets off and walks over to his desk]:
Not actually as much fun as I'd expected.
George
Someone's a bit squiffy.
Yes, that'll be me. [Anthea starts to leave] No, wait, wait, Anthea don't go, wait, don't go wait, don't... pull up a...a thing, you too Porgie.
[Gary sits on his desk and Anthea and George take two chairs and sits down]
I've had to get squiffy to tell you this, 'cause in a funny way...I care about you. Now, I know that might sound a bit stupid and a bit spooky and perhaps even a bit... [He puts his hand on his head] God, I'm getting a headache! Right...here goes. I've got some bad news.
No, just forget about the bloody pencils, Anthea. [pause] The office has to close down in two weeks and we're all out of a job.
[pause]:
Oh, I can't see that happening.
George
Nor can I.
[Gary is flummoxed. He picks up a stapler]:
Look, imagine this is our job. Yeah? Now look closely. [He turns and gestures with the stapler to the window] Job...going out of window. No? Job...window. Window...job. [He throws the stapler out of the window, breaking the glass. Anthea and George stand up in shock]
That obviously works a bit better better if you open the window first. But you get my point. [turns and notices Anthea and George standing right by him] Oh! There will of course be a redundy package, a rebundancy package. [takes George by the tie and plays with said tie] George, you've been with the company for...eighty three years, you'll get three million and several thousand pounds. Anthea, [He makes his hand into a fist and almost does a "matey" punch on her shoulder] You've been with the company fifty two years, so you get a small castle in Surrey. Well done! [He sits back down on his desk] Don't worry about me, I obviously will find a nice slot with Parks and Spenenser or Tele British Comms. One of the two.
[pause]:
Shall we hug, would that help? [Anthea and George back away from his stretched arms]
Well, right, [clasps her hands together] I'll just get back to work. [She leaves]
[He walks over to his desk]:
George
I can't see it happening.
[While grabbing his chair, Gary falls over]:
Men Behaving Badly · 98 quotes
