Dorothy quotes from Men Behaving Badly

Dorothy

Gary doesn't understand periods. He thinks they're something to do with the moon.

Dorothy

That's what I love about going out with you, Gary, it's an endless orgy of glamour and entertainment.

Gary

Dorothy's usual, please, Les.

Refresh my memory.

Dorothy

Vodka in a chipped glass with a dribble of flat tonic and an aftertaste of cigarette ash.

Oh, yeah. I remember now.

Gary

I've had some bad news. Had a postcard from Dermot. He's not coming back.

Dorothy

Have fallen in love with a croupier called Letizia. We're going around the world on her Yamaha. Is that an organ?

Gary

No, it's a motorbike.

Dorothy

Send my Polynesian love ball and other important items to my mum. Sell everything else, my saucepans, et cetera, to cover what I owe you. Thanks. Generous of him.

Gary

Well, it would be if his possessions weren't worth precisely £16.47.

Dorothy

What does he owe you?

Gary

Eight hundred and sixty two quid.

Dorothy

Weather lovely. Rimini has a body shop. Oh. A donkey, having sex with another donkey.

Gary

Why doesn't anybody take me around the world?

Dorothy

Cause they know they'd have a crap time.

Gary

I've been writing an ad for the newspaper.

Dorothy

Let's have a look.

Gary

You'll use it as an excuse for a cheap laugh.

Dorothy

I will not.

Gary

You always do.

Dorothy

(tuts). Ah, looks fine. You don't think Jacuzzi's pushing it a bit, do you?

Gary

Why?

Dorothy

You haven't got one.

Gary

No, but if you whoosh to the shower attachment in the bath, it's just like it, honestly.

Dorothy

Don't you think you should put bath with shower attachment you can whoosh round a bit?

Gary

Too many words.

Yeah. (chuckles) I'll tell you how you can get a Jacuzzi when you're in the bath. (Chuckles)

Gary

Les, are you going to say what I think you're going to say?

(chuckles) Yeah.

Dorothy

Just relax, Gary.

Gary

I'm perfectly relaxed. Will you stop using all my bloody water?!

Dorothy

Maybe I should move down here.

Gary

Nah, you'd miss the sophisticated city talk.

Dorothy

What, you and Tony discussing the most comfortable pants you've ever had?

Gary

That's a bit unfair. Oh, look at those lovely hedges... so what are the most comfortable pants you've ever had?

Tony

Bye, Dorothy, mate.

Dorothy

Bye, Tony, mate.

Gary

Do you wanna come in?

Dorothy

I'd better not.

Gary

Don't worry, we found out where that faint musky smell came from. It was Tony.

Dorothy

No, I'd just rather be somewhere a bit more neutral.

Gary

Switzerland?

Dorothy

I shouldn't have come here, but I...

Gary

I know. You needed a shoulder to cry on.

Dorothy

No. Just needed someone I could feel superior to.

Dorothy

How did that happen?

Gary

Give me the trousers, Dorothy!

Dorothy

Rearrange these words to form a sentence: Tony, and, Gary, are, morons, witless.

Tony

Morons are witless, Tony Gary... and?

Dorothy

Nearly.

Dorothy

Well, first there was Clive, the one they call Dances With Trousers Down. Then Dermot.

Gary

Did I tell you he's got a job at Euro Disney testing the rides?

Dorothy

You see? And now Tony.

Tony

Dorothy.

Dorothy

Tony.

Dorothy

I've had enough. I'm turning back.

Gary

[drunkenly] Had enough? Turning back? Are you mad? Are you... madder than Brian Mad of Madcastle? Are you!?

Deborah

Come on, it's two o'clock in the morning.

Gary

No! Absolutely no; we're having a brilliant time! It's two o'clock, and we haven't even got there yet, now that's very fashionable - I read it in a magazine, of, er... well some sort [pauses] or other.

Dorothy

We always said if we ended up as one of those couples who watch television in bed, we'd split up.

Gary

(still watching) Close the door quietly on your way out.

Dorothy

Gary, when I was away, did you sleep with a woman?

Gary

How do you mean "woman"?

Dorothy

A woman. You know, the ones with what you and Tony call "shirt potatoes".

Deborah

How come you can't drive, Gary?

Gary

Some people were born to drive, and some people were born to be driven.

Dorothy

Some people were born to be run over.

Gary

You know Felicity Kendal?

Yes.

Gary

She was deliciously pert, wasn't she?

Yes.