“Part 1: "Performance” quotes from Men Behaving Badly

Gary

I'll tell you a secret, you have to promise not to tell anyone though.

Tony

Sure.

Gary

To be honest, I'm having a bit of a problem... performing.

Tony

What, you mean...

Gary

Yeah.

Tony

The fire's burning but the logs not going in?

Gary

Yeah.

Tony

Mr. Toad's still curled up in Toad Hall?

Gary

Yeah.

Tony

The magic bus doesn't want to go to Manchester?

Gary

Thanks, no, it doesn't. Still, it's not a problem, happens to most men, sometime in their life.

Tony

Sure, mate, no, you'll be alright.

Gary

Thanks, mate.

Tony

Doesn't make you any less of a man, does it? Just because... you're a big poof.

Gary

What?

Hello, Gary, I hear the old Boy Scout's not going into the sleeping bag.

Tony

I hear there's been a power-cut in the Little Hampton area

Dorothy

It doesn't matter, love.

Gary

I know it doesn't.

Dorothy

Well, it does actually, if we're trying to have a baby.

Gary

I've always thought a good name for a folk band would be: "Folk Off And Die, Folkhead".