Ella Simms quotes from Melrose Place

Lauren

Talk to me, Ella. Yawning, the pacing around the apartment in the middle of the night. Let me guess. Still nothing but radio static from Jonah?

Ella

Deafening radio static. I mean, I did sell him down the river on that director credit, but... How am I supposed to apologize to him when he won't answer my phone calls? He's not even reading my BBMs.

Lauren

What's going on with you, El? The amount of people you've had mad at you, I have yet to see you get this bent out of shape over it.

Ella

I don't know. I mean, maybe it's because Jonah is one of the only guys I've ever known who I can truly be myself with. He gets me.

Lauren

And he's engaged, Ella.

Ella

Me... and Jonah an item? Lor. You and your scandalous imagination are spiraling out of control. It's kind of cute though.

Ella

[throws a white scarf at Jonah, who's sitting at his computer] Ungaro is the closest thing I have to a white flag. [he drops the scarf on the floor] So how long do you plan on hating me? Because these heels make walking on eggshells very tough.

Jonah

Oh, I'm sorry. Did, um, selling me out inconvenience you?

Ella

Okay, look, Jonah, I get it, all right? I mean, you have a million reasons why you should hate my guts, but... Not having you in my life, it really sucks, Jonah.

Jonah

Oh. I'm so sorry.

Ella

Hey! I walk around all day acting like some unflappable tough-as-nails bitch who doesn't give a damn what anybody thinks about me, but when I'm with you, I just... I don't know. You make me feel like I'm better than that.

Jonah

Oh, I'm so happy I could help boost your self-esteem.

Ella

Wait. Wait! I don't wanna be just a one-night stand.

Jonah

You're not.

Ella

No, Jonah, Jonah, I'm serious. Are you sure you wanna do this?

Jonah

Yes, I'm sure.

Amanda

We need to talk about my party. That is, if you can find the energy fresh off a one-night stand.

Ella

Oh... it wasn't a one-night stand.

Amanda

Well, you keep telling yourself that.

Ella

[sees a tequila bottle on Auggie's table] Auggie, sweetheart. Please tell me you did not hit this.

I was trying out a new recipe. Rock shrimp with a tequila lime sauce.

Ella

Oh. Really? Does that dish come with a side of total BS?

Ella

[to Auggie] I think I spotted a guillotine in Amanda's penthouse. Watching heads roll is probably up there with snuffing out careers and tasering her enemies' nether regions.

[walks up behind Ella] I heard she bathes in the blood of virgins and can kill a man with her pinky finger.

Ella

[after Amanda sees Ella with Ben, trying on the necklace] I promise you that you can trust me.

Amanda

Ella, in what universe would you think for one moment that I was threatened by you?

Ella

I wasn't implying...

Amanda

You were, and it's presumptuous. I mean, you're a a junior publicist with a barely there career. A nobody in this town.

Ella

I know. I... I'm sorry.

Amanda

You may fancy yourself my protégé, but let's be honest, you don't measure up. I mean, you have enough flash to catch the eye of Ben or any other man for that matter. But they don't stay long, do they?

Ella

I... I wasn't trying to...

Amanda

Oh, come on. No one wears a dress that short without an endgame.

Jonah

The last 24 hours have just been pretty overwhelming. I just need some time to think.

Ella

Oh, yeah... Okay, you go think, Socrates.

Jonah

[referring to the blaring guitar sound coming from Drew's apartment] Oh, so not the cure to my hangover.

David

That is the new guy that moved into Auggie's place.

Ella

We traded zen chef for a poor man's Van Halen.

Jonah

Tell him to stop.

Ella

Yeah, you go get him, Lor. You do not bother that girl when she's trying to sleep in.

Lauren

Hello! Hi! [unplugs Drew's guitar from the amplifier and takes off his headphones] Excuse me! Hi!

Drew

Oh. Oh. Hey. Want to make a request?

Lauren

Yeah, shut up! Half of West Hollywood's trying to sleep.

Drew

Oh, crap, I'm sorry. I didn't know my speaker was on. I hate when that happens. Plus, had I known everybody was listening, I for sure would have played Clapton.

Lauren

Okay, I don't know who you are, or which tour bus you fell off, but I get to sleep in one day a year. And today was that day.

Jonah

[while discussing his film with Owen Anderson] Riley just has this teeny bad habit of changing her mind.

Riley

Oh, yeah, see, he's referring to our engagement. I didn't answer his proposal immediately, then all hell broke loose, and we broke up.

Brok... Dude, splitsville? No way. Where's that story?

Ella

Hey, look, they may have broken up, but that does not mean that they didn't share a storybook love story.

Riley

Storybook? You slept with him.

Whoa, what? Dude, Jacob and Rachel's destinies are cosmically intertwined, and you cheated on her?

Jonah

No, no, see, I didn't cheat on her because Riley and I had already ended things, so technically it was over.

Riley

[turns to Ella] And who was there waiting? The vulture in Versace.

Ella

Oh, well, there's that sense of humor we were just talking about.

Ella

Look, Jonah, I should not have asked you to drag Riley into a dog and pony show. Okay, this whole thing was a mistake.

Jonah

No, we both had to vent. We just chose the worst possible venue ever.

Ella

No, I'm talking about us. We... are a mistake. You and Riley are cut from the same snuggly, fuzzy cloth, and I'm... well, let's face it, I'm industrial-strength sandpaper.

Jonah

Ella...

Ella

No, you guys have five years of fairy tale. And what do I have, five years of one-night engagements?

Jonah

Yeah...

Ella

I can kick open doors for your career all day long, but when it comes to actually opening myself up and letting somebody in, it's... it's an entirely different story. And yes, I am selfish... but it's just because I don't want to get hurt.

Jonah

Ella...

Ella

No, Jonah, I'm serious. Why do you think that I spend every last ounce of energy that I have on my career? Or why I'd rather be at a business meeting than a candlelit dinner? I'm not as tough as you think, okay? I can't handle having my heart broken.

Jonah

You don't want a dog?

Ella

Oh, no, no, no. You see, dogs and I don't really match up.

Jonah

What do you mean?

Ella

All the hair everywhere, the throw up, the humping of the leg. It's like living with a frat boy on all fours.

Ella

Look, Jonah, I'm sorry, okay? I tried. But if it means giving up who I am, then I guess I'm not couple material. No his and hers towels. No one drink, two straws. No.

Jonah

Guess a, uh, tandem bicycle's totally out of the question?

Jonah

Ella. Come here. I have yet to master the art of solo drinking. Help me sample some of these delicious cocktails.

Ella

Oh, it is like you looked inside my brain and saw a flashing martini glass. [belting down her cocktail]

Jonah

Oh, gosh. Either you're trying to set a speed drinking record, or you had one bad day at the office.

Ella

Mmm. I was going to text you on my way home, but I gave up texting and driving.

Ella

[the morning after the party] You smell like one part chlorine, two parts tequila.

Jonah

Oh, God. I really tackled Drew into the pool, didn't I?

Ella

Yes. You did.

Jonah

Oh, well, that's bad.

Ella

Normally I find a brawl between two red-blooded boys kinda hot, but when it's over your ex-fiancée, not so much.