Deny it! Deny it if you can! You took the Christmas candy I gave you and sold it on the black market. Have you no shame?!
May I explain?
No! What you can do is retrieve that candy immediately and have it in the children's stockings by morning! Otherwise they're going to find you hanging by the chimney without care!
Major, I cannot. The money is gone.
[aghast] You...parasite!
Please. Your generous gift, and your insistence that it remain anonymous, touched me deeply. The candy would have brought great joy to the children, for a few moments. But on the black market, it was worth enough rice and cabbage to feed them for a month.
[Charles stops, surprised]
Rice and cabbage?
I know. I have failed to carry out your family tradition. And I am very sorry.
[chastened] On the contrary, it is I who should be sorry. It is sadly inappropriate to give dessert to a child who's had no meal.
Shall we share, as you say, some Christmas cheer?
No, thank you...but please, go ahead.
More from this episode
All quotes from this episode →More M*A*S*H quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.

