“Taking the Fifth” · Season 9
In this episode: Hawkeye Pierce (2), BJ Hunnicutt (2), Charles Winchester (1), Maxwell Klinger (1)
Hawk, I never thought I'd use this word in a negative manner, but you're depraved.
Well what do you expect? I come from the land of the free and the home of depraved.
No self-respecting nurse is going to have anything to do with that [ad].
That's what I'm counting on.
(Charles is in the shower)
So O Great Girth One, do you still want that valuable wine?
Do I still have a palate?
I don't know and I'm not about to peek. I can get you five bottles, it'll run you forty per.
For--! My last offer was thirty.
Consider it a cost of dying increase
I smell the distinct odor of profiteering.
Try a little more soap.
But I also smell the delicate bouquet of a '37 Bordeaux. Your taking advantage of me. You know I'm an eonophile.
Hey talk like that in the shower makes me nervous. Now do you want it or don't you?
Unfortunately I am at a disadvantaged position. You have me drinking out of the palm of your hand.
(Hawkeye and BJ in the Mess Tent)
Well Beej what do you think this is? (Shows him letters)
You've been drafted.
Their greetings all right from three nurses with no ounce of self respect. One of whom is in striking distance of sharing a delicious Bordeaux.
And a tasteless Pierce.
Get your water ready. This might set the tent on fire. (reads first letter) "Dear Hawkeye, I think your contest is a wonderful idea. I really love good wine and I think it would be fun to share a few belts with you. Signed, Chastity."
That one came with its own cold water.
Send that one to the dead letter office. (reads second letter) "Dear Hawkeye, Bordeaux is one of my favorite wines, along with Maneschevitz. (BJ laughs at remark) During a happier time my husband and I used to share many a bottle back in the states. Drinking this with you would bring back fond memories. Signed, Very Married."
All you get there is a swig and a missus.
What is this world coming to? Everywhere I look morality.
Read on rebuffed.
My heart is not in this anymore. (reads third letter) "Dear Hawkeye, I find you an incredibly exciting and vibrant man." I just had a rush of blood to my ego. "Your contest sounds like the perfect appetizer to a wonderfully intimate main course. I must admit wine does make me a little crazy but I'm sure it's nothing you cant handle." Oh this is a sick woman. "I hope you pick me Hawkeye. I have always thought you were all man. Every time you look in my eyes I turn to jelly. Signed, Sweet Preserves."
To think that that nurse is responsible for human lives.
Home run. Turned her to jelly. What do you think is the look that jars her. Do you think its my :Rudolph Valentino:? Maybe it's the boy next door.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
