Don Draper quotes from Mad Men

Roger Sterling

I bet daily friendship with that bottle attracts more people to advertising than any salary you can dream of.

Don Draper

It's the way I got in.

Roger Sterling

So enjoy it.

Don Draper

I'm doin' my best here.

Roger Sterling

No, you're not. You don't know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation, we drink because it's good, because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar, because we deserve it. We drink because it's what men do.

Don Draper

What about shaky hands, I see a lot of that with you boys?

Roger Sterling

No joke. Your kind with your gloomy thoughts and your worries, you're all busy licking some imaginary wound.

Don Draper

Not all imaginary.

Roger Sterling

Yeah, boo hoo.

Don Draper

Maybe I'm not as comfortable being powerless as you are.

Pete Campbell.

Roger

On his way out.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Roger

Can't be avoided, I'm afraid.

I wish I could agree with that.

Roger

He's a junior account executive who brought his own idea to a client, in a bar. There are rules.

There are other rules.

Don

What's the problem?

New York City is a marvelous machine filled with levers, and gears, like a fine watch, wound tight, always ticking.

Don

Sounds more like a bomb.

How much do you know about Pete's family?

Don

Nothing, except they put out a mediocre product.

His mother is Dorothy Dykeman Campbell. The Dykemans own pretty much everything north of 125th Street, which, I don't know how good your geography is, but that's a fair chunk of the island.

Don

So they're rich. So what?

Well, no. His grandfather dropped it all in '29; panicked. Some people have no confidence in this country.

Don

What's your concern, then?

Well, I don't want Dorothy Dykeman Campbell standing on the dock at Fisher's Island this summer, talking about how badly Sterling Cooper treated her son.

Roger

I don't think any of us want that.

We lose him, we lose our entree to Buckley, Deak, the Maidstone Club, the Century Club, Dartmouth, Gracie Mansion sometimes. It's a marky issue for us. See my point?

Don

Absolutely. He's more valuable to the agency than I am.

Don't kid yourself; there's a Pete Campbell, at every agency out there.

Don

Well, let's go get one of the other ones.

You're going to need a stronger stomach if you're going to be back here in the kitchen seeing how the sausage is made.

Don

I thought it was a big watch.

You handle the words. You know how much we want you here with us.

Roger

No doubt about that. Don's a big boy, Bert. Aren't you, Don?

Don

Well, thank you, sir.

There you go! I'm glad we're all better now.

Betty Draper

I liked your girl Peggy. She's fresh.

Don Draper

As the driven snow.

So, what do you do, Don?

Don Draper

I blow up bridges.

Midge Daniels

Don's in advertising.

No way. Madison Avenue? What a gas!

Midge Daniels

We all have to serve somebody.

Perpetuating the lie. How do you sleep at night?

Don Draper

On a bed made of money.

Midge Daniels

Isn't this an education!

You hucksters in your tower created the religion of mass consumption.

Don Draper

People want to be told what to do so badly that they'll listen to anyone.

When you say "people", I have a feeling you're talking about thou.

Don Draper

And I have a feeling that you spent more time on your hair this morning [points to Midge] than she did.

Betty

[to Don, as he grabs her arm] You want to bounce me off the walls? Would that make you feel better?

Don

Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a child.

Dig. Ad man's got a heart.

Midge Daniels

The grown-ups are talking.

Don't defend him. [to Don] Toothpaste doesn't solve anything. Dacron sure as hell won't bring back those ten dead kids in Biloxi.

Don Draper

Neither will buying some Tokaj wine and leaning up against a wall in Grand Central pretending you're a vagrant.

You know what it's like to watch all you ants go into your hive? I wipe my ass with the Wall Street Journal.

How come every time we have a party the ladies have to sit and listen to the men talk?

Look at you. Satisfied, dreaming up jingles for soap flakes and spot remover, telling yourself you're free.

Don Draper

Oh, my God. Stop talking and make something of yourself.

Like you? You make the lie. You invent want. You're for them... not us.

Don Draper

Well, I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent.

Roger Sterling

What else is there?

Don Draper

I don't know. Life being lived? I'd like to stop talking about it and get back to it.

Don Draper

[to Pete Campbell] The day you sign a client is the day you start losing him.

Roger Sterling

The day you sign a client is the day you start losing him.

Don Draper

You don't really believe that.

Pete Campbell

What are you doing? Where are you going?

Don Draper

I'm going to take care of this right now.

Pete Campbell

Is this some sort of thing like in the movies where I have a gun and you don't think I'm going to shoot you? I will shoot you.

Pete Campbell

Why can't you give me what I want? I've earned this job. I deserve it.

Don Draper

Why? Because your parents are rich? Because you went to prep school and have a $5.00 haircut? You've been given everything. You've never worked for anything in your life.

So, Mr. Draper, you haven't had a physical in quite some time.

Don Draper

Yeah. I eat a lot of apples.

Don Draper

I'm gonna ask you a question that was always asked of me when I was on job interviews.

That is divine, man.

Don Draper

Have you ever been fired?

Peggy Olson

Sex sells.

Don Draper

Says who? Just so you know, the people who talk that way think that monkeys can do this. They take all this monkey crap and stick it in a briefcase, completely unaware that their success depends on something more than shoeshine. You are the product. You feeling something. That's what sells. Not them. Not sex. They can't do what we do and they hate us for it.

Don

The window for this apology is closing. It needs to happen before the appetizers or they will leave.

Bobbie

Really? Because I was thinking about that. So I took a look at Jimmy's contract, well, me and a lawyer, and I realized Jimmy doesn't have to apologize at all. In fact, they're going to have to pay him even if they fire him. Especially because "her feelings" isn't a very good reason.

Don

So what is this all about?

Bobbie

I think an apology, and a public one like this one has to be worth $25,000. And I want it in the paper. Say it's a bonus.

Don

Believe me, I will ruin him. Do what I say.

Don Draper

What's wrong with you?

Peggy Olson

I don't know.

Don Draper

What do they want you to do?

Peggy Olson

I don't know.

Don Draper

Yes you do. Do it. Do whatever they say. [leans in and whispers] Peggy, listen to me, get out of here and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.