That's funny, too, Becky! You're having fun at work!
Fun?
Yes!!
Yeah, I guess...
You WERE Becky... don't take it back.
I guess. No, this is... this is fun.
Don't do that, don't itch your neck...
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Lucy's taking a long time with that food, huh?
DJDJ Jesùs
Well, for Lucy, service is not about speed, it's about power.
Wow, that's deep man. You should write that down.
Already did. In my brain diary.
TTad
I'm going to...work on my meat.
(tied up in the walk-in freezer) Um, what are you doing that for?
TTad
You're a little heavier than I thought.
It's the way I'm sitting!
TTad
I tell ya, there's nothing like working from a live model.
You know, it's not easy to sit up straight.
TTad
Yeah, but could ya?
SFSpecial Father #1
Ohh I see a penis. A captive subject to study in detail and test new methods on.
Uh, well that's a good idea too. I was just thinking of it more like a pet. My friend has a python and he was like 'And I have a python,' and I'm like 'Oh, yeah you should come over to my place some time,' and he came over and I was like 'Vampire!'
SFSpecial Father #1
Wow, you are a real nerd.
The most deadly assassin nun the Catholic Church has ever produced. You need no introduction.
Thanks kid, but why don't you take your lips off my ass and just tell me who to kill.
Woah, woah, woah, Sister. I like your spirit, let me just give you a quickie primer, okay? First of all, as I'm sure the Special Fathers will tell you, hunting vampires...well, forget everything you've seen in the movies. It's all bunk!
Sunlight?
Oh, no, actually sunlight is real. Sunlight can kill a vampire, but...
Stakes in the heart?
Well, uh, yeah. Hold on, uh, let me give you my spiel, okay?
Garlic? Just a mild food allergy. If you want to give a vampire the runs, cook them ziti with some garlic sauce.
Good to know. Get ready to shit, vampires!
SFSpecial Father #1
And Father Murphy, how long did he serve here?
NPNew Priest/Survivor of Vampire Attack
Just a week.
SFSpecial Father #1
They just kept sending priests.
Like staying in and ordering take-out.
Aaaahh! Do I taste good to you? Well your strange immoral blood doesn't taste good to me! You can't make me drink your androgynous yet powerful juices.
VAVampire Altarboy
We're not trying to!
Well good, 'cause I don't want it!
VAVampire Altarboy
Then we agree!
Yes, finally! We agree to agree.
VAVampire Altarboy
We'll just agree to agree then. You bleed and die, we drink your blood.
No!
VAVampire Altarboy
Less talking, more dying.
No, more talking, less dying.
VAVampire Altarboy
Just shut up and die.
No, let's keep talking. Have you seen any movies lately?
(holding fluorescent light and killing vampires): High alpha, full spectrum, baby! Forty-two hundred lumens!
Satan (on infomercial): Call now to take advantage of this special offer! (speaking quietly and quickly) Side effects may include drowsiness, nightmares, and psychotic episodes. If you die in your dreams, you die in real life.
B1Bimbo #1
I love that track, what is it?
That's ah, Himalayan yak herders.
B2Bimbo #2
That's so cool.
Yak herders! Those guys sure know how to party! Wooo!
You encourage them!
Lucy, I'm a DJ. Having a girl sexy-dance right next to me is part of the job. It's like if I was a construction worker and you said to me: 'I don't like how there's always cement hanging around you.' Or if I was a baker, okay, and you'd be like 'What's with all the yeast?'
I get it, I get it. Okay, how 'bout this, if you want to be with me, you can't be a ridiculous manslut, how 'bout that?
Yeah, that's fine. But I'm starting to get a little claustrophobic, so...
What?! Claustrophobic! I give you your space, all I ask is this one thing!
No, no, no, not in the relationship, I mean, literally in this closet. It's a tiny space for two people so if we...
How can you be claustrophobic, you're an escape artist.
All escape artists are claustrophobic, that's why we want to escape.
I'm Dr. Franz Weiner. I want you to tell me about your fears.
Are you a therapist?
Sort of.
You know who you remind me of? Freddy Krueger.
Why?
Because of your sweater and your lumpy skin.
I don't have lumpy skin! Alright, fine. Let's just focus on you, Jesús, and your fears.
Hey, you're like Freud-y Krueger!
Oh, hey Lucy. Wow, I just had the wildest dream and you were in it! And you Judas! And you Skanky Girl! And Skanky Girl's Friend, you were there too! And Crazy Shirt, you were all there.
Dude! You're naked!
Yes, I woke up naked on the docks and I decided to come straight to work.
Nice dick!
Thank you
What I'd give for half of that. DJ Jay, spit some beats for that politicians dick
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.