George Lopez quotes from Lopez vs Lopez

George Lopez

I'm not about to get kidnapped and sex trafficked. I don't think there's a market in sex trafficking for some viejita with bunions.

George Lopez

We have those, and we use them on Wednesdays between Chicago Med and Chicago Fire.

George Lopez

Moving is pretty self-explanatory, but I got one rule. If you break something, go full Shaggy.

George Lopez

If a tree falls in the woods and nobody's there to hear it, it's still in the woods. It's just laying there sleeping it off.

George Lopez

So, Doctor, if Churro needs one tranquilizer, she weighs 10 pounds. How much would a dog need that weighed, like, 200 pounds? Like, 20?

George Lopez

Can you believe Mayan? Complaining that I never tell her I'm proud of her. I must have said it one time behind her back accidentally. That's gotta count for something.

George Lopez

All right. This has got to work. I'm gonna text Sam pretending to be a hot lady. "Hey, big guy. Saw your pics, and I think you're hot AF. Want to meet up?". And then we send a picture of her hot pocket.

George Lopez

Well, maybe he's got other priorities, like spending time with his kid.

George Lopez

Can you please turn those pages quieter? I'm trying to watch TV.

George Lopez

You just had to come and spy on me so you could tell Mayan every little thing I did wrong!

George Lopez

You barely work, and you have no life. You guys aren't Gen Z. You guys are Gen Lazy. Ha!

George Lopez

I'll remember that for the police report. Let's play a new game, all right? This one is called Scavenger Hunt. Let's see if you can find a dinosaur, a minion, and a half-eaten chicken nugget. You're doing good. You're doing good. 3, 2, 1! Oh!

George Lopez

All aboard. Here comes the blame train. Choo-choo!

George Lopez

Who said you can't have fun sober?

George Lopez

I parked on your flowers again.