Hardison quotes from Leverage

Can I get a “good morning, Value!More”?

Good morning, Value!More!

And who’s Value!More?

We’re Value!More!

And what’s Value!More?

The best!

Eliot

This reminds me of North Korea.

Come on, Eliot, shake it. Give me some soul!

Eliot

Are you dancing? I hate you.

Parker

All right, people, place your bets, 100 bucks gets you in.

I'm in. Five minutes.

Sophie

She'll go seven.

I say three minutes

Parker

I'm under two.

Eliot

Everybody that got laid off has a job.

Parker

What about the building?

I heard an anonymous donor put in a bid for it. He said he's gonna turn it into a theater for the local high school.

The arts are vastly underfunded in this country, don't you think?

Sophie

You sly old dog.

Parker

What's the White Rabbit?

It's the ungriftable grift, it's impossible.

Parker

Yeah, but we do the impossible.

Stop taking stuff.

Parker

Hey, what about this? Should I take this? (holds up a red t shirt)

Put it back.

Intel. We're not here to steal.

Sophie

What the hell are you doing?

[With a wrench in hand] I'm hacking.

Sophie

Well, stop it! Just...step back

She's [Parker] on the roof with the guy we just spent the last four days driving crazy.

Yeah, so, the con failed...technically.

Sophie

The con didn't fail. The con worked.

If by "worked," you mean completely fell apart.

Sophie

Huh? Sorry, which one of us is the grifter? I'm telling you, we pulled off The White Rabbit successfully.

Pulled off The White Rabbit successf... How so?

Sophie

Well The White Rabbit is about taking the truth, whats underneath, and bringing it out.

Without breaking the Mark in the process..

Sophie

Every grift is an exchange, the trick is to give enough to hold the Mark, but not so much that you get pulled over with him.

Parker, huh?

Sophie

Parker.

Parker

(Walking up to the group) We good?

Sophie

You tell us.

Parker

Yeah, we're good.

There’s the full nondisclosure agreement that Kristin’s required to sign in order to get her settlement. That thing’s 100 pages longer than the one you sign for the CIA. The winery’s just trying to get her to shut up.

Sophie

And how did you get your hands on the CIA contract?

You ask too many questions.

If his wine collection is the collateral, let's make the collection worthless.

Sophie

The bank finds out the collection's a fraud, Madigan loses the winery.

Yeah, we just take a 200-year-old bottle of grape juice and turn it into Two-Buck Chuck.

Let's go fake a bottle.

Here’s the computer you ordered.

My precious.

You... I mean you. You’re my precious.

Look. This is the real bottle.

Sophie

Yeah, yes, yes, I’m sure you’re right. I just... You know, wine fraud is a pernicious business. My ex-boyfriend, ah. He turned out to be a big disappointment. Half his collection was fake.

Make the man doubt his own wine and his manhood? Damn.

Sophie

I'll taste it.

Oh, that's my masterpiece right there.

Wine as sweet as my orange soda.

Sophie

My teeth ache!

[on comm] Okay, guys, so here's the thing. All wine bottled after 1947 have trace amounts of radioactivity. Cesium isotopes from atmospheric nuclear testing

Parker

Where did you get radioactive cesium?

The things I do for Nate.

Parker

If it’s radioactive, then why are we drinking it?

Oh, come on now, it’s safe. There are trace amounts of cesium everywhere... On you, on me... Everywhere but old wine. Which is why Hardison dipped the auditor’s gloves into a slurry containing the isotope.

Parker

So I'm radioactive? Why don't I have superpowers?

Babe, we all feel cheated.

I'm saying that we, uh, I think we went overboard on Christmas gifts last year.

Parker

Nate, I love my ECOSSE motorcycle from last Christmas, compliments of my Santa baby.

Eliot

You spent $100,000 on a motorcycle?

Don't hate the gift. Hate the elf.

Eliot

I do hate the elf.

Parker

So are you saying no Christmas presents at all? Not even something small?

No gifts.

Parker

But... How are we supposed to do Christmas without any presents?

Sophie

Let's just put a limit on spending. Lets say $1,000 (Nate clears his throat.) $100 a (Nate clears his throat.) $50 bucks a person.

Parker

Fine. Whatever.