Hardison quotes from Leverage

Sophie

[giving the briefing] It's 1971, the day before Thanksgiving. A 727 takes off from Portland bound for Seattle. It is hijacked by this man, a passenger who goes by the name of Dan Cooper.

Parker

Wait. I thought his name was D.B. Cooper?

That was misheard by a reporter at the scene, and then it was repeated until it became gospel. [To Sophie] I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your swooning. Go on and swoon.

Sophie, just real quick, you had a poster of D.B. over your bed when you was like, 15. Tell the truth. You did, didn't you?

Sophie

So what? What if I did?

So, back to square one?

I prefer back to the drawing board. It's more hopeful.

WitSec is like the ninth circle of hell for guys like him. Like us! I mean Nate, do you think you could just go back to being John Q. and not go insane if you had to give it all up?

Sure, maybe. Maybe not. Really, I don't think beyond the job that's right in front of us. I don't have the luxury to think beyond that, so...

Sophie

Really?

Hmmm?

Sophie

That's the best you got?

Parker

Look, I sprained my knee. I’m fine! (repels down from ceiling into a chair) Totally fine.

Babe, sprained your knee? You tore your ACL.

Parker

Yeah. Basically, a sprained knee.

Yeah, basically not true. Look, babe, six weeks of bed rest. Doctor’s orders. Not optional. And don’t forget to take your pain pills, okay?

Parker

They make everything go wibbly-wobbly. (grabs a bottle of orange pop and opens it)

Yeah, that’s how you know they’re working.

Parker

But I got to be sharp... on the edge. It’s where I got to be. Can’t have nothing in my life I can’t walk away from in 30 seconds if I feel the heat coming around the corner.

Parker, look, I know that you’re... Wait, hold up, babe, did you just quote “Heat”?

Parker

Yeah, that’s where that’s from. Ha, watched your Netflix queue... Twice.

Kiss for luck?

Parker

Who needs luck?

Eliot

I'm gonna keep her alive. You guys find a way to get her out of here.

With what?

Eliot

You stole a Michelangelo with tin foil and chewing gum! Figure it out!

This is a violation of my constitutional rights.

You're Alec Hardison. You cracked the Pentagon servers when you were twelve. NSA has a file on you a mile long.

Do they? What do they say about me? I hope they gave me a cool nickname.

Make it look good.

Really? That's all you--

You're slowing down in your--

Three tries? Damn.

Eliot

He didn't always wear a suit.

Eliot

What do they got on the gunman?

They're running his prints. It's gonna take hours to narrow down.

Eliot

Look up the Navy SEAL database, enlisted from '90 to '95. [Hardison turns to him] It's his watch. Steel-brushed chronometers were standard SEAL issue, until they switched to the carbon black diver's watch in '95. It's a very distinctive watch.

Eliot

The case is vacuum-sealed.

Do not tell me what’s inside.

Eliot

Says... “influenza, 1918.”

Get out. Now! Get out! Now! Go! Go! Get out! (outside) The Spanish flu killed 50 million people during World War I, and now somebody’s got it.

Parker

Look, we can do this. Just treat it like any another job.

This isn’t just any other job.

Eliot

All right, all right. Stay focused.

I focused! That bug in there killed 50 million people! 50! And that was when the population was lower.

Parker

Now?

Now? 150 million people. 150 million dead. Hey, we’re thieves, man, and we’re good at what we do, but this is way, way out of our league. And you expect us to go catch some psycho with a city killer? A country killer?

Eliot

You scared?

You’re damn right.

Eliot

I’m not. I got the best thief And the smartest guy I know chasing this guy. Hey, listen to me. You’re smartest man I’ve ever known, Hardison. I need that brain to get me to him. ‘Cause you know if I lay my hands on him, it’s done. Get me to him.

Call up the NSA satellites.

Calling up NSA Satellites.

Thank you, creepy spy truck.

Hi. Kiss for luck?

Parker

I don’t believe in luck.

Parker

For luck.

Parker, no! Don’t do it! Parker! Parker!

Parker

Fire’s the only thing that’ll kill this thing, right?

Yeah. Yeah, that’ll do... that’ll do it. (he pulls her into his arms) Don’t do that to me. I can’t lose you. Do you understand? I can’t lose you. Don’t scare me like that.

Parker

Yeah.

I can’t.

Parker

You're shot. You should go to the hospital.

Eliot

I don't do hospitals.

I told you. He takes getting shot very lightly.