Hardison quotes from Leverage

It's all on you, Hardison.

How am I gonna do this?

You're the puppet master. Pull your strings.

You never count on the perfect plan. The perfect plan, it has too many moving parts, and it's... you got to expect the perfect plan to fail. I mean, that's what I do.

Then what do you count on?

I count on the simplest and ugliest plan, not plan "A," no, but, like, plan "G," for example. I start with plan "G." Now, the quick, simple, ugly plan that I know is going to work if everything goes bad.

Right now, I have to get inside that building.

What's your plan?

Well, I'm gonna pull the fire alarm, then go in as my arson-investigator alias.

Eliot

Frank Petrino? The arson investigator with the limp?

I didn't say it was a great plan.

Sophie

Him? [Jimmy] You came to rescue him?

Parker

You said never again. I remember.

Although he does provide a window into your distant and withholding management style. I'm just sayin'.

Parker

It might be easier if he's asleep.

Eliot

You want me to put him to sleep?

HEY! I'm standing RIGHT HERE.

Parker

Look, we're going to lower you really slowly but if you bump into anything, the glass, the walls, anything you'll set off the alarms.

Yeah, I get it. It's like the game Operation and I'm the tweezers.

I want my usual fee plus expense, and Parker dresses up as Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica.

Hey, it's not happening!

I'll also accept Sophie as Counselor Troi. We'll negotiate on the flight.

So wrong on so many levels.

[upon entering the old subway tunnels where the team has set up shop] YOU GOT ME A BATCAVE? [jumping around excitedly] A BATCAVE!

No, I did not.

Yeah, this is totally a Batcave. Okay, you guys suck a little less now.

Eliot

How long before video nails us?

Facial recognition software takes about seven minutes to tag us, give or take.

Eliot

Seven min-- Damn it, Hardison!

What part of "give or take" do you clearly not understand?

He's nowhere near his office. I don't know, we're at some sort of museum.

What kind of museum?

You know, the kind that has a 747 on the top of it. Portland is, uh...odd.

Sophie

We're gonna have to have a serious talk about moving somewhere with less rain.

London has rain.

Sophie

No, London has fog. Fog is mysterious. Rain just ruins my hair.

[to Scott Roemer] Global Transit? Yeah, we've done some business together.

[over comms] Nate, please do not introduce yourself. Like I said, I have no IDs that--

Tommy Mackinaw. Mackinaw Import/Export. Nice to meet you.

Yes. Please. Thank you. Do go ahead and pick the one name on earth that does not exist.

Sophie

It's gets worse. Tomorrow, the board of directors are voting on a merger with two passenger airlines. And Roemer's gonna move the maintenance to his Mexico facility. The next time one of his planes falls out of the sky, it's gonna be full of people.

Okay. [to Nate] Nate, I realize this is the kind of guy that makes you very angry. Please do not do what I think you're about to do.

Sophie

I blame you.

Me? I didn't tell the man to run a scam using the biggest airplane on earth.

Eliot

To be honest, when you're not on the receiving end of it, watching him [Nate] mess with somebody's head is pretty impressive.

Yeah. He's like one of those aliens that feeds off of people's fear.