Hardison quotes from Leverage

Parker

Did I fall asleep again?

Yeah.

Parker

How did the movie end?

Soylent Green is people!

Parker

WHOA!

I know. Just--just sit with that for a while.

Parker

I win. I want to go bungee jumping.

We already did that.

Parker

Not off a hot air balloon.

I seriously need to win one of these bets.

Okay. We need to fix this. We need to give our client back his reputation.

Parker

How do we do that?

By making Kanack insane.

[grinning] And he's back.

You know, Fermi's paradox says that it's improbable for other life forms to exist.

Eliot

Yeah? Well, Drake's equation shows that orbiting around the hundred billion stars in our galaxy there's up to ten thousand planets with technological civilization. [Smiles at Hardison who gives him a surprised look] You never know when you might have to fight an alien.

[singing to a remix of the alien signal] Two good ol' boys behind the wheel, chasing down bad guys in Lucille. [repeat]

You know the difference between us and them?

Parker

Hmm?

We make this look good.

I programmed the electronic and the lighting to go haywire intermittently for the rest of the night.

Good.

You don't think he'll try to leave?

[In terror] No!

Would you?

Parker

[Looking over the equipment] Hey.

Hey.

Parker

This gives me a good idea.

Whatever it is, no.

Think about it. Levitating food could replace--

Eliot

I will stab you in the neck!

Don't hate the barbecue, hate the sauce.

Sophie

Did you know about this, girls being dropped from 20 feet? It's unbelievable.

Parker

I know, right? 20 feet. Pfft, walk it off.

Sophie

Parker, you do know that normal people don't just walk off a 20 foot fall, right?

No.

Eliot

I thought it was funny, Parker.

No way in hell was it funny.

Eliot

You were always upside down, man.

I fell off a building, yeah I was upside down.

Eliot

Like a pinwheel, like a Himalayan tree frog.

You call me a frog?

Eliot

[makes popping sounds while gesturing with his hands]

You call me a damn frog?

Eliot

Pop pop and upside down. Yeah.

Say it to my face.

Guys, maybe focus. Guys, focus.

Damn frog.

Are you for real, man? You telling me you bought a congressman with a lunch?

It was a nice lunch.

Hardison? How you doing?

Look, Nate, I'm good with systems. You know that. But this, this system hacks back. I got 7 million dollars sitting right here, set aside for mad cow testing, which nobody uses, because, I mean, you know, nobody wants to know that they got mad cow cows.

Yeah, so give them to the cheerleaders.

[beyond frustrated] I can't, man. There's a law right here that says that there has to be money set aside for mad cow testing, which nobody does! Makes no sense. There's no rhyme, no reason, no... [to himself] It's cool. Don't pop a nerve. Don't pop a nerve. Don't throw a book.

Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready, let's go.

Ready?

Ready!

Sophie

Ready.

Eliot

Ready.

Parker

Ready.

Let's go.

Um, Ms. Barron, the system’s giving me an alert. I’m not sure that transfer is legal.

Why not?

It says there’s a 1938 labor law requiring textile companies to keep cash on hand to pay overtime.

Is that for real?

I’m checking, but it does seem to be legitimate.

' What about the All-Cheer Competition League? We run a competition a week. They must have plenty of cash on hand.

' Oh, keep it coming. Keep it... do what you got to do.

We can’t use that money, either, because... Because we’re a sweepstakes?

We’re what?

We’re not a sport, so technically, this says, we’re a sweepstakes. There... there are a lot of restrictions on what you can do with sweepstakes money.

Go for C.T.V.C. All those broadcast contracts... they must have cash.

Um, ma’am, C.T.V.C. Is under investigation for indecency.

Well, when the hell did that happen?

Sophie

Oh. There. Right there, sir. That is a wardrobe malfunction. I can see her hoo-hah! Her hoo-hah, sir! Are you blind?! Do I need to call Congressman Caballo? Or Congressman Greenhill? I will call my whole rolodex, sir!

Your tickets, ma'am.

What was that about?

Sophie

I'm just planning a trip to the Gulf. The military are breaking ground on Fort Deveraux.