A character in Leverage
Hardison
Leverage · 1,001 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Leverage: in 414 of its 1,001 quotes
Most scenes with: Eliot (179), Parker (172), Nate (164)
[Hardison is in disguise with other FBI agents and they just caught Cha0s]
You hafta admit, it was a good plan.
Yeah. There's one thing you didn't count on...
[as he's being carted off by agents] Ohh no...
You forgot...
No...
About the true meaning...
No, don't you say it!!
...of Christmas.
My God, that barely applies here!!
[smiles] Ho ho ho.
Does it blow up?
Not everything blows up, Parker.
Everything blows up, silly.
We got to get on that freight car.
I have an idea.
Am I gonna hate it?
No, but he is.
[Later]
You got an idea?
Yeah.
Am I gonna hate it?
No, but I am.
[Hardison is disarming the EMP Bomb]
What are you doing?
This battery is one of a kind. Now, if I do this right, I'll overload the batteries, they explode, and this thing will be worthless.
And if you do it wrong?
Uh…the bomb triggers a giant EMP pulse, Washington, D.C., is fried, thousands will die, and we go down as the biggest terrorists in American history, but we'll be dead too so it's not really our problem.
There's that.
There is that.
[Parker and Hardison are hanging onto a train after causing a minor explosion]
[excitedly] You know what I'm in the mood for?
What?
Pretzels.
[She grins and hurries off, leaving Hardison looking wondering, before he also grins]
General, I understand you're taking quite a risk to yourself and your family by talking to us. We certainly owe you a debt.
No. I am the one with the debt. Spencer saved my life. Twice.
Once. And a half.
How do you half-save someone's life?
Because I was the one that was sent to kill him. So I figure that only counts as a half, right?
That actually makes sense.
Dude, let go.
[Hugs Eliot] I'm just so damn cold.
I don't care, man.
Just please set me on fire. Do something. I;m all shivering, and I think one of my nipples fell off, 'cause the sensations... man.
Don't tell me stuff like that!
Just how dangerous is this gig you took without checking with us first??
Yeah, uh...
[Flashback to Boston]
Ridiculously dangerous! It's like a danger cupcake with murder icing. Man, that is 20,000 feet high. Only half the people who try actually make it to the top.
But t-t-they figure that Alan Scott died on the way back down, just hours above the base camp here. (uses computer to illustrate)
I'm sorry... died on the way down? That's why black people don't climb nothin'! You know there's like a hundred dead people scattered all over that rock. That's nasty. (pulls up an article about millionaires barely escaping death) These millionaires, man, they go up these mountains just to have fun, and people die trying to drag their ass back down. But, oh, happy day, because the rich guy got saved.
Let's go steal a mountain.
Again.
What?
Again. We already stole a mountain, two years ago.
We did?
Well, technically it was a resort, not a mountain, but yeah.
You were also very drunk on that one.
I'm just saying, I should go up that mountain with you.
You want to climb?
Yeah.
A mountain?
[Flashback]
(Parker pushes Hardison off a building and he screams the entire way down, stopping upside down. She easily lowers herself next to him and they look at each other)
Seriously?
(another scene of Hardison falling from a building, coming up short upside down. A third scene shows him tangled up in his line)
[Base Camp]
And that last one was a 10-foot drop!
Okay. Fine. I just think I should keep an eye on you.
Keep an eye on me?
Well, not... you... you and Eliot. It's a dangerous mountain. There could be some polar bears or ill-tempered Eskimos, like...
This isn't gonna become a thing, is it?
W-what? No. Pl... no. No. This is… not. Whatever "this" is.
Oh. Yeah.
Okay.
(Hardison holds his arms out for a hug)
Okay. Okay. (Parker punches him on the shoulder and walks away)
(Eliot hugs Hardison)
All right. (walks away) Let's roll.
What? What are you doing?
At least Eliot gave me a hug.
I'm an experienced climber! I know my husband! I know the routes he would've taken!
You're emotionally involved. It leads to bad decisions.
I'm sorry, did you just say that? With a straight face?
Not helpful. Not helpful at all.
Hardison!
Ye... Yes! Ye... wait. Parker. Parker? You there?
Talking... uses... oxygen.
Right. Look, y'all, I just... (wiping eyes) I just want to say that y'all are my peoples, and...
Hardison.
You know, I was so scared.
Hardison, shut up!
You realize this isn't going to be normal, right?
You know, my nana used to say that what's normal is whatever works for you. We all work okay.
I should meet your nana.
Yeah, you should. She's ni... Wait. What? No, I mean, mnh-mnh.
It's a gala. That's great. The place is gonna be swarming with guests.
Okay, that's fine for you two, but what about the three of us? How do we get in?
Uh, excuse you. Do you not know my name? It's nothing to get on that list. I've been to the Oscars every year since I was 15.
[Angrily, over the comm] Why'd you have to dress me up like Howdy Doody?!
Actually, Charlie Siringo was a real-life cowboy and a Pinkerton detective.
Why couldn't you have picked me something normal, like Hardison?
Excuse you? No way in the world I'd have picked Encyclopedia Brown as my....these ugly-ass penny loafers.
Hardy Boys. You're the Hardy Boys, and Parker's Nancy Drew.
Yeah, well, why did Nate get to pick his own gear?
Because he's just a bit more of a whiny baby than the rest of you.
ParkerBeth Riesgraf · 331 quotes
EliotChristian Kane · 325 quotes
SophieGina Bellman · 295 quotes
SterlingAlex Carter · 36 quotes
TaraJeri Ryan · 36 quotes
MaggieKari Matchett · 18 quotes
CCha0s7 quotes
IanKevin Tighe · 7 quotes
AAmy6 quotes
CharlieDanny Glover · 6 quotes
DDubenich6 quotes
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