Run along Stewart, before I get tired of behaving.
(Stewart flees)
Well, she's back to chorin'.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Well, nots to be impolites, but this gal suggested that maybe I should have some attentions paids to my butts hole. That ever happen to you guys, you ever had a gal suggest you need some attention paid to your butts hole?
Daryl and Wayne turn away from Squirrrelly Dan and ignore him while tossing the ball only to each other.
I'll take that as a hard no, I guess? She put a couple of fingers up there, and it turns you got - uh - an erogenous zone - up there.....Found the - uh - the hot button and - um - gaves it a tickle.....and, uh.....(increasingly high-pitched) yeah - feels, uh.
(defiantly) It feels pretty good, you guys, okay?
DTDaryl, to Wayne
Pop fly! (throws ball)
I really liked it! It felt - it felt very natural.
WTWayne, to Daryl
Nice! (throws ball back).
They call it 'milking the prostate'.
Wayne, later: Well, it's impolite to kiss and tell.
Maybe they tranq'd the ostrich.
Like they roofied the ostrich?
You wanna know what? You should feel bad for even suggesting the Ginger and Boots fucked an ostrich. Bad gas travels real fast in a small town. My research concludes that the only way the Ginger and Boots could have fucked an ostrich is if it was a dead ostrich.
Glen (riding past on a bicycle): A dead ostrich??? I thought it was just sick, oh my!
Glen makes a phone call and can be heard saying, "Ginny? The Ginger and Boots effed a dead ostrich!
Oh, bother.
I found an eyelash, make a wish.
Wish you weren't so fuckin' awkward, bud.
Katy and Wayne are discussing an amount of money they will invest into the Letterkenny community.
Well, how do you want to fuck this pig?
Better put it on your fuckin' Facebook.
Pitter patter.
Let's get at 'er.
Daryl and Squirrelly Dan are discussing a business venture that will, amongst other things, 'condemn homosexuals'.
What do you have against homosexuals?
Me? Nothing. LQBT is all rights with me.
Daryl?
Uh. Nothin'.
So why do you want to condemn them?
Yeah?
We seens it on the TV shows.
WKWayne and Katy
We know.
We actually seens it on two TV shows.
WKWayne and Katy
We know.
One was the TV show we seens it on, and then the other was a news program about what we seens on the TV show.
WKWayne and Katy
We know.
But those guys were popular, and they looks like they were having lots of funs, so we just figured if we did whats they did....
...then we'd have lots of fun too.
Reilly. Jonesy. You guys been gettin' a lot of ice time?
Well, actually…
I'm just kiddin', I don't give a fuck. I stepped down from your old junior team. Turns out the senior team needed a new bench boss. Real work to be done here. Real men. Turns out you guys have been havin' a bit of a cake walk up here, huh? Is that right, Reilly? Eh, a little angel cake? A little angel food cake with a top glaze? Huh? Have your mom mix up the egg whites and the vanilla? Huh? Have your mom cut it with a knife or a small spatula through the batter releasing air bubbles and bake? Light as air? Huh? Virtually fat-free? Fuck you, pheasant!
Come on, man.
Oh, Jonesy's got something to say. What kind of cake are you walkin', huh? A little Lady Baltimore? Huh? A little date and walnut loaf? A little Napoleonshatte?
Coach, it's not that we're...
Cake walk's over, all right, Johnny Cheechoo and Chuck Huddy? Gonna have the boys tossing up sueys up the middle all night, just tossing up hot suey sauce? You know why? 'Cause you've been skipped leg day! You think you can skirt legs and crack the Czech Extraliga? Huh? You couldn't even crack the HockeyAllsvenska, let alone the Deutsche Eishockey Liga! Fuck! You plugs are gonna learn some jam. It is fuckin' embarrassing!
All's I'm saying is that it's a little bit hypocritical for us to be mad at degens from up country for not respecting our St. Patrick's Day party when we, ourselves, are not respecting St. Patrick. I'm just saying if somebody's got their fucking day, give them their fucking day.
You aren't even religious.
Who's got that kind of money?
You wanna know what, so long as everyone's having a good time, ain't no reason to be a poopy-pants.
Everyone is not having a good time.
Well, so long as most people are having a good time, ain't no reason to be a poopy-pants.
Most people are not having a good time.
Is anyone having a good time?
No.
Then I shall be a poopy-pants.
Says he pulled a pikes, a perch, a wallseyes and a trout.
Is that a brook trout?
No, it'd be lake trout
Why's that?
'Cause we're on a fuckin' lake, Dary.
My friends need to borrow clothes.
Give 'em barn clothes.
I won't have barn clothes in the hous; they stink.
Guess you have to put your friends in the fuckin' barn then.
Any puck bunnies getting in the way of W's come to mind?
BBarts
I once tongue-kissed a woman in line for the beer gardens at a dragon boat race, after she said she liked my team jacket. But I don't think she was a puck bunny. You little bitch. Yorkie?
YYorkie
I once open-mouth first-based a woman I delivered a gourmet coffee gift card to, after she won at a team fundraiser raffle draw. I don't think she was a puck bunny. Scholtzy?
SScholtzy
I once got an over-the-pants handy in the back seat of a Pontiac Bonneville, during a drive-in screening of Slap Shot. But I don't think she was a puck bunny. Pussy. Fisky?
FFisky
I once got a rig-friggin' gherkin-slurpin' behind a gumball machine at a bubble hockey tournament, but I don't think she was a puck bunny. Boomtown?
BBoomtown
I once accidentally shit my pants while masturbating in 2010, when Crosby scored an OT to win gold, while I was simultaneously mid-orgasm. There was no one else there. But don't you think that's a good story?
Right, I'm just gonna go ahead and spell this right the fuck out for you, boys. The girl that you're all in love with, she's a puck bunny.
(fart)
Inappropriate.
Whys?
'Cause you're not exposed to fart in front of girls.
True story.
You're suffocatings me.
That's a two-way street.
Fuck you, Reilly. Fight me, see what happens.
Yeah, what's gonna happen, Shoresy?
Three things, I hit you, you hit the pavement, ambulance hits 60.
RRoald
Dad? Yup, still a homo. But you're the one who named me after the author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Letterkenny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.