Lennie Briscoe quotes from Law & Order

Briscoe

[pointing to a sign that reads "Pedatric Oncology"] There's two words that should never go together.

Briscoe

You're in luck. It's opera week at Rikers. They're doing an all-male version of Carmen.

Briscoe

[while handcuffing a suspect] You've heard of the three rings of Saturn? These are the two rings of Rikers.

Briscoe

When you absolutely, positively have to kill somebody overnight.

Briscoe

[final line before leaving] It's nice to go out on a win.

Briscoe

[trying to get a description of the killer] What did she look like?

Look, guys, I really wasn't paying that much attention.

Briscoe

Yeah, just like I don't remember whether the guy I caught in the shower with my first wife was a natural redhead.

I just haven't seen any real money yet. [to the detectives] Hey, hey, guys, come on, now. I'm busy here!

Briscoe

[takes the phone] He'll call you back in 25 years. [hangs up]

What is this?!

Logan

You wanna put your hands behind you, sir?

What are you doin'?!

Briscoe

James Scanlon, you're under arrest for the murder of Thomas Duff.

[to his secretary] Call the lawyers!

Logan

Good move. You're gonna need one.

Briscoe

Yeah, and don't tell his wife to keep dinner warm for him. All right?

Logan

And she shouldn't wait up to tuck him in, either.

Briscoe

Right around the corner from here is the first place I ever saw Mose Allison.

Logan

Who?

Briscoe

I keep forgetting when you were born.

Briscoe

You're gonna take somebody's purse...

Logan

I know. You bash her head in, you stick a knife in her ribs, you pull on the strap until it snaps.

Briscoe

Yeah. So, what kind of mugger strangles?

Logan

Unless ... they knew each other. You smell romance?

Briscoe

Love at last sight.

Briscoe

The whole floor was charged to the Officers' Mess Fund.

Logan

Nice to know my tax dollars aren't being wasted on school books.

D.O.D. Department of Doom. It's a local hacker gang. Best known for hacking into the Department of Sanitation's computer. Shut down garbage collection for 2 days.

Briscoe

Probably took that long for anybody to notice.

Briscoe

How many apartments are in this building?

Logan

30.

Briscoe

Do they all have to eat eggs?

We'll sue you for false arrest. We're going to get our lawyers.

Briscoe

Oh, lawyers. I'm so scared. You hear that, Mike?

Logan

Oh, I'm shaking in my blue suede shoes.

This is harassment. False arrest. You'll hear from our lawyers.

Briscoe

Oh, no. Not the lawyers. I'm scared. You scared, Mike?

Logan

I'm shakin' in my blue suede shoes.

[seeing bloody sheets on hotel bed] My God, what happened here?

Briscoe

My guess? The miracle of childbirth.