Lennie Briscoe quotes from Law & Order

Briscoe

My ex made me see a shrink.

Green

Now that was money well spent.

Briscoe

Twice a week I used to get on the couch, tell him how the head of the orphanage used to get a kick out of beating me with his shoe.

Green

[laughs] That sounds like Oliver Twist.

Briscoe

[laughs] It is!

Lt. Van Buren

Twenty-three people are dead because of an opera?

Briscoe

The Germans. Whaddaya gonna do?

Briscoe

Always a dime short and a nickel late.

Green

What the hell does that mean?

Briscoe

What do you want from me. It's 2:00 in the morning.

Serena

Did anyone find any type of weapon in Peter Rubin's home?

Briscoe

Not unless you count the world's most boring record collection.

Look, fellas, I'm in enough trouble already. I mean, vodka makes me a lot chattier than I oughtta be, you know?

Briscoe

Really. I thought it was our good looks and charming demeanor.

Briscoe

[comparing bike tracks] These don't look at all alike. How can you be sure they're from the same bike?

You know, I thought the same thing, too. But, after comparing mold offsets, site pattern and center ridge appearance...

Green

You passed out from boredom?

Green

Your PO told us you'd be crashing at your grandma's crib.

Yeah, she ain't here right now.

Briscoe

You know, you haven't talked to your PO in quite a while. That's a parole violation. You oughtta give him a call.

I've been busy.

Briscoe

Yeah, murder has a way of screwing up your whole schedule, doesn't it?

You're in luck. Jen's been here all day. She's on a creative jag.

Briscoe

I used to have those, except I called them benders.

Green

We could check his email.

Briscoe

What do you wanna bet it's all spam?

Green

I'm surprised you even know what that is.

Briscoe

I used to think it was lunch meat.

Briscoe

I knew being Chief of Detectives had its benefits. I didn't know they included a table at Raimondo's.

Green

I hear the food here is really good.

Briscoe

Oh, it's to die for.

You're telling me, this guy got killed because he reached for a foul ball?

Briscoe

And the suspect list is the Greater New York phone book.

Green

I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I'm actually starting to feel real sorry for this dude.

Briscoe

Hey, we were one out away from the World Series!

Briscoe

Hey look, Ed. A .22.

That's not mine! You guys planted that there!

Briscoe

That's really original. I've never heard that one before.

Mr. Yoshida, what was your reaction when you heard police had apprehended a suspect in your wife's death?

Relief. And also sadness. Nothing can bring Tamiko back, but I'm glad the man who did this will pay for his crime...

Briscoe

Yeah, so are we.

Detectives.

Green

We wanted to welcome you back personally.

Briscoe

We brought you a gift from the city of New York.

I don't understand.

Briscoe

You like jewelry? [cuffs Mr. Yoshida] Bracelets.

Green

Hiroshi Yoshida, you're under arrest for the murder of Tamiko Yoshida.

Green

Young wife, old groom, wedding night. Maybe he died of a heart attack.

Briscoe

Like my mother used to say, play with kids your own age.