Captain Cragen quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Fin

Van was registered to Frank Hovis of Albany. Unmarried, no kids, couple pops for assault.

Anything on Cinderella?

Fin

Nah. Maybe Frank's a tranny.

Munch

Cinderella's definitely a woman. Frank needs to join the Hair Club for Men.

Dani doing okay?

Stabler

Yeah.

See a future for her here in SVU?

Stabler

Sure.

Don't want your old partner back?

Stabler

Since when was that up to me?

If you're gonna stake out Central Park at night, take somebody with you.

Stabler

You offering to be my partner?

I'm not your type.

Stabler

[grins] I don't know. Maybe I'd have better luck with a guy. Women keep leaving me.

Benson

I don't need to go to the hospital Captain.

Fin

Captain, HAZMAT is ready to move in.

Take her. Restrain her if you have to.

Ms. Marino must be here for the obligatory grieving-mother footage.

Stabler

Nothing like a parent's worst nightmare for must-see TV.

In my opinion, Detectives Benson and Stabler have a degree of mutual reliance and emotional dependence that compromises their effectiveness as police officers.

In other words ...

They're too close.

You recommend I split them up?

If you want to lose your two best detectives.

Casey

Doing time doesn't seem to scare him.

Because he knows it's an empty threat. Best we can do is a misdemeanor. Unless he has a prior record.

Casey

You just said the magic words. "Prior record." Does the date October 26, 2005 mean anything to you?

Elliot

Chicago White Sox won the World series. First time since 1970.

Casey

It was also the first time Jordan was arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct. He tossed a beer bottle through a neighbor's bedroom window and then urinated on her front steps.

Elliot

You can't hold your liquor, can you?

Casey

The judge took it easy on him 'cause he was only 15, but you're an adult now.

So what?

Casey

So you're looking at 15 days in jail, a $250 fine, and community service.

[after Olivia roughs up a suspect in interrogation and she has to be removed from the room] What the hell is your problem?

Olivia

We got a confession, didn't we?

And what part of that do you think is gonna stand up in court? A five-year-old could have done a better job!

Olivia

Then go hire one.

I have had it with your crap.

Olivia

You get your hands off me.

You go home. Now.

Benson

What's going on?

I've been temporarily reassigned. Chief of D's office.

Benson

Why?

You aided your fugitive brother, Elliot covered up his kid's DUI, Fin's stepson butchered two people and walked. Somebody's gotta take the heat.

Benson

But we're the ones who screwed up.

On my command. 1PP calls that "failure to supervise".

Benson

That's insane!

Stabler

You want insane? Guess who they put in charge.

Munch

I had nothin' to do with that! If drafted, I will not run, if elected, I will not serve.

Fin

You are lyin' like a politician. You took the Sergeant's' exam right behind our back. What's up with that?

Munch

I took it last year on a bar bet.

[hands Munch his key] Enjoy your new office, Sergeant Munch. Don't let the power get to your head.

Lake

It was an honor serving under you, sir.

I'm not dead yet, Detective Lake.

Stabler

We'll get you back, Captain.

Try and behave yourselves.

Stabler

And now we can't touch him?

The Patriot Act trumps rape and attempted murder every time.

Fin

[Looking at an internet photo of Lake in a boxing ring.] Get outta here. That's not you.

Lake

Bet your ass it is.

[reads] "Naptime Wins in A.C."

Fin

What, they call you Naptime because your boring stories put everybody to sleep?

(about Agent Cooper) She executed Mr. Moore

Chief Muldrew

You mean the serial killer.

Fin, grab Elliot and go check out the Lydia. [Fin does not leave] There a problem?

Fin

You know my beef with Stabler. He's a total head case. I'd rather have any other partner.

It's not ladies' choice today, detective. Suck it up. Do your job.

Fin

You got my request for transfer 3 months ago. Any idea what's holdin' that up?

Nope.

Fin

You signed off on the 5-7?

And gave you a glowing recommendation. If you like, I'll call the Chief of D's office, see where it's at.

Fin

That's great. Thanks.

No problem. In the meantime, you've got an assignment.

Benson

Where's Alex Cabot?

Training in Albany. When she's finished, she'll take my spot in Appeals.

Stabler

Appeals? Well, no disrespect, but we do things a little differently down here in New York City.

Oh really? I was trying homicides when you were fresh out of the academy, walking a beat, and trying not to piss yourself.

Executive ADA Paxton got the first capital conviction when Pataki brought back the death penalty.

That's right, so when I say stop playing fast and loose with defendants' rights, that's what you'll do, or you won't be working here.

That is the commissioner's decision, Sonya, not yours.

That's where you're wrong, Don. There have been far too many overturned convictions - especially in the 'he-said she-said' unit. So, McCoy sent me here to clean the house. Oh, and 1PP thinks it's a really swell idea, so why don't you walk me through it?

I still don't understand what I did wrong.

Fin

I'm throwin' you in a cage full of pedophiles. See if they can help you figure it out.

I've never seen that kid before in my life.

Pictures don't lie. We got him sitting on your lap.

I don't have anybody to watch my shop.

Benson

That's the least of your problems, baby raper. [she shuts the cell] Bet you didn't think NYPD would be hosting this year's Our Special Love convention.

Stabler

Hey, all you vermin! You can thank your leader, Kevin O'Donnell, for keeping such meticulous records. Enjoy, Kevin.

You can't leave me in here! [Benson shuts the cell] I want my lawyer.

Benson

She'll meet you in arraignment, tomorrow.