Elliot Stabler quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Stabler

You waste my time, send me on a wild goose chase?

I was tryin' to help you guys!

Stabler

You contaminated evidence! You told that kid you're a cop to get him to make a false ID!

You got the perv, didn't you?

Stabler

Wrong perv, but I tell you what... [locks Walinsky in a holding cell] ...where you're going you'll be meeting plenty of them.

Stabler

You really went after Morton in there.

Novak

He killed a kid. He knew what he was doing.

Stabler

You so sure about that because of something he wrote 15 years ago?

Novak

Eliot, he's screwing with us. This grief-crazed father crap, it's all an act.

Stabler

I spend my life locking up skels for murdering children. The system says they go away to prison - fine. But if it were my son lying on that slab, I don't know what my rage would make me do.

Stabler

Tel me one thing - when did you decide to kill Jake?

[pause] In the courtroom, once I knew what he was. You were right. I looked around, saw the officer, realized I could take the gun. I just waited for the right moment.

Stabler

You manipulated us, just like Jake did.

There's one big difference. Jake would've killed again. I won't.

Dr. Huang

What do you most remember seeing after you entered the house?

Stabler

Dead bodies.

Dr. Huang

Anything specific about them?

Stabler

Bunch of dead bodies.

In 12 years, there has never been a complaint against this man.

Men change, especially when their wives file for legal separation. My investigator found the court documents. He also found out that she took the kids and moved in with her mother.

Stabler

[angry but controlled] You have no right to use my personal life to make your case.

I don't give a damn about your personal life unless it effects my client, and it does. Stay away from her! I want Detective Stabler off this case, and I want SVU to do its job.

Benson

Elliott, hey, stop! What's going on?

Stabler

I touched her in an inappropriate manner, didn't you hear?

Benson

I don't believe that. Forget that. What's going on at home?

Stabler

Nothing.

Benson

Hey, would you talk to me?

Stabler

Kathy left me.

Benson

Elliot, what happened between you and Kathy?

Stabler

Well ... the job made me kind of hard to live with.

Benson

She should try working with you.

[to Thomas Mathers] Have you ever had a girlfriend?

Lots of guys don't find a right girl.

Benson

That's true. I mean, being single's not easy.

You would not look at me twice if I asked you out, you would not give me a time of day, so don't pretend you understand what I'm going through. I don't need your pity.

Stabler

You're just looking for the right girl. And one day you'll rape her and live happily ever after.

Stabler

What's your problem? She's a cop. That's all I need to know.

Benson

No, Elliot. She didn't think that being a cop was good enough, so she quit.

Stabler

Is that what this is about, some inferiority complex?

Benson

You know, I get that you are on the rebound and everything, but if you could keep it out of work that'd be great.

[about to get an IV] I wish my dad was here.

Stabler

You'll see him in a while. What's your most favorite thing you like to do with your dad? I got twins your age, and we like to go to the beach together.

My dad takes me to the beach, too. We build sand castles. I don't like needles.

Stabler

Okay. Hold onto my hand. Now close your eyes and pretend that you're at the beach building sand castles with your dad. And if it hurts, you squeeze my hand really hard, okay?

What do you do when something hurts?

Stabler

I think of my kids.

Mark

I never touched Holly Purcell!

Benson

She's at your house all the time. She's in your class at school. You couldn't stop thinking about her.

Mark

Holly's like one of my own daughters!

Stabler

You give private lessons to your daughters, too?

Mark

You're disgusting! How dare--?!

Stabler

I'm disgusting?! [pins Mark to the wall] Holly told us what you did to her!

Mark

THEN SHE'S LYING!

Stabler

You tore her up, and she's got the scars to prove it! [releases Mark]

Mark

I don't know what in Hell is going on around here! But I'm not saying another word! I want a lawyer!

Benson

Dr. Blair, do you realize that disseminating pornography to a minor is a felony?

I showed them art books.

Stabler

Doc, I saw the art in your office and even I was uncomfortable at how many phalluses were on display.

That's because you're a bourgeois American, completely uptight about sex. It's what screws up your children and turns them into sex offenders.

Stabler

You lost me at bourgeois.

Benson

How's Dickie?

Stabler

A handful. He's demanding cookie dough ice cream and Jackass 24-7. He reminds me so much of me, it's scary.

Benson

Didn't know you were a Jackass fan.

Stabler

I mean getting what I want. According to Kathy, it's not one of my more endearing qualities.

Benson

Before you had kids, you ever worry what they'd be like?

Stabler

All the time. Still do.

Benson

At least you and Kathy know what you're passing on. Half my genes are drunk and the other half are violent and cruel.

Stabler

And look how great you turned out. It's not all about the genes, Liv. All you can do is love your kids.

Benson

When we were kids, our parents told us we were too young to date just one guy.

Stabler

Now you pray your kids only date one guy.

Benson

Until she started hooking up with half of Queens. After that it's no big deal to have sex for designer clothes or prostitute yourself at a hotel.

She winds up as Trudy Strutz, Porn Star.

Stabler

She winds up dead on a roof.

Novak

[to Benson and Stabler] Arrest him. [to the judge] Your honor, my detectives are here to re-arrest the defendant.

On what charges?

Novak

The murder of Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot.

Your honor, this is a blatant attempt to unlawfully detain my client.

Save it, counselor. Alex Cabot was a friend of mine. I'll see you both at arraignment.

You can't prove I killed her. And the dead can't talk.

Stabler

Liam Connors, you're under arrest for murder.