Judge Preston quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Remand, Miss Cabot? On a third-degree possession charge?

Mr. Harris provided the drugs to young women. The People believe he is a danger to the community.

Counsel, approach. [Alex and Conrad approach the bench] Miss Cabot, I have 40 more cases on the docket, and you're wasting my time on this frivolous garbage?

Your honor, it is the People's position that we...

You screwed up your murder case, and now you want me to do your dirty work for ya? Not gonna happen. Step back. [the attorneys return to their positions] Bail is set at $2,000, cash only. [bangs gavel] Next case.

[charges at King] You son of a bitch!

You killed my sister, man! He's a cold-blooded murderer!

Officers! Officers! Officer! Clear the court!

He just bit me! The bastard bit me!

[escorted out] C'mon! Bring it! Come on!

Remove that man!

You can't fight like a man, but you kill little girls!

Fin

We'll take him!

Take me?

Fin

Yeah. You under arrest for assault.

Whoa! He gets away with murderin' my sister, and you takin' me?!

Fin

Shh! Just shut up.

Novak

[to Benson and Stabler] Arrest him. [to the judge] Your honor, my detectives are here to re-arrest the defendant.

On what charges?

Novak

The murder of Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot.

Your honor, this is a blatant attempt to unlawfully detain my client.

Save it, counselor. Alex Cabot was a friend of mine. I'll see you both at arraignment.

You can't prove I killed her. And the dead can't talk.

Stabler

Liam Connors, you're under arrest for murder.

Do you have a question?

Only one. Did you see my client shoot you?

I saw his gun aimed at my heart.

Please, Miss Cabot, just answer the question. On the night that you were shot, did you see Liam Connors anywhere in the vicinity?

No, but he's a coward. He likes to run away. [to the defendant] Did you leave a family behind in Ireland, Mr. Connors?

Your honor?

Miss Cabot, please.

You have absolutely no idea who shot you, do you?

Oh, I have an idea. It's the kind of man that likes to rape a woman to make her talk.

Let me rephrase the question. Did you see Liam Connors shoot you?

No. But I know it was him.

Objection, your honor!

It takes a lot of balls to shoot an unarmed woman and a sleeping child!

Your honor! Objection!

[to Connors] It's too bad your aim wasn't a little better!

Objection, your honor!

You think you're safe?! [jumps out of his seat while the court officers restrain him] They know where you are! You should've stayed dead!

ENOUGH! We're in recess until Mr. Kressler can control his client. You may step down, Miss Cabot.

How do you plead?

Not guilty.

I'll hear the People on bail.

Novak

Well, a million has a nice ring to it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Novak

The defendant is a flight risk.

To where? Jersey? She's a U.S. citizen.

Novak

Given the severity of her crimes, and the fact that she killed a baby once before...

My client was never charged with that crime. In fact, there was no crime. That fetus was stillborn.

Mr. Berger!

Your honor, this poor girl lost a child. How dare the People twist that tragic incident to suit their own needs.

Novak

You have got to be kidding.

No! You are. My client doesn't have as much as a parking ticket!

Novak

I'm sure if she did, she'd just throw it in the trash along with her babies.

Oh, all right. That's enough out of both of you. As I believe the defendant is not a threat to anyone but her own offspring, the court is requesting that in exchange for a lower bail amount, she does not get pregnant again before trial.

That's unconstitutional!

I'm not ordering that she be sterilized, Mr. Berger. [to Ella] But if you do become pregnant again, young lady, you will be found in contempt of this court, and bail will be rescinded.

Your honor has no right to legislate procreation.

You think you could manage to comply with that order, Miss Christensen?

I don't know.

Bail is set at 2,000,000, cash or bond. 10-minute recess. [bangs gavel]

Your honor, may I say something to the court?

No! I've already issued my ruling. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

I'm sorry, your honor. Peter?!

Call an ambulance!

Now you look like the monster you are!

Docket ending 419. People vs. Henry Shaw Roberts. One count each: Assault in the second degree, criminally negligent homicide, endangering the welfare of a child.

Busy man, Mr. Roberts. How do you plead?

Not guilty.

Hunter

On all counts, your honor. And the homicide charge is a stretch.

The defendant forced his stepson to fight a 10-year-old and bet on the winner. What would you call the death of that child?

I'll let the grand jury decide. Bail, Miss Hardwicke?

Remand, your honor. When he's not promoting kiddie fights, the defendant spends his spare time beating up his wife and stepson.

Hunter

My client has never been arrested. He has a steady job and strong ties to the community.

First offense, Miss Hardwicke. Can you live with 50,000 bail?

If it's cash only and comes with an order of protection for Mrs. Roberts.

So ordered. Mr. Roberts, you are not to come within 200 feet of your wife, your stepson, or your home.

Then where the hell am I gonna stay?

Rikers Island, if you violate the order. Unless you'd rather go now.

Hunter

That won't be necessary. Mr. Roberts will abide by your ruling.

Then we're done, aren't we? 10-minute recess. [bangs gavel]

So you're saying you were once a woman?

No. I was always a man.

But your birth certificate says "female". Am I right?

Objection. Relevance.

I'm just trying to establish that Sergeant Preston has been less than honest.

Your Honor?

My point is how can we trust a single word this witness says because he's been lying to the Army for years!

Actually, it's in my medical forms, sir.

Yeah, but your friends, your foxhole buddies, they don't know the real you, do they?

I am the real me. My gender identity isn't relevant to what I do. Just as whatever's in your pants isn't relevant to what you do.