Mike Logan quotes from Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Logan

C'mon. Here's a little police magic. Shazam, you're under arrest.

Logan

It would've been better if he'd shot me.

Logan

Wow. Looks like his donorcycle skidded out at the wrong time, wrong place, huh?

Logan

Found yourself a Buddhacam.

Logan

Never go on before the commissioner? It's kind of like a departmental hearing, with a few more ribbons.

Logan

Wheeler. Don't tell me you've never had a departmental hearing.

Logan

Don't make me climb that tree.

Logan

Oh, look. Cocaine. In a recording studio. I'm shocked. Shocked.

Logan

So that's it, Fulla T lost his life over 'Who's the Man?'

Logan

'I'm sorry for your loss.' Do you know how many times I've had to say that? It’s usually automatic. [pauses] But every once in a while...

Logan

[about Driver] It's not personal; I just can't stand the woman.

Logan

Funny how bad apples always find each other.

Goren

Maybe it's their barrels that make the apples bad.

Logan

What?

Barek

Relax. You got the job.

Logan

You know, you might want to get a cell phone. That way people won't think you're talking to yourself.

Barek

Been working alone too long.

Barek

[To wife] Was something else stolen that didn't make the report?

Logan

[To husband] Alright, look, pal, this busted look on your face, I've been there. So either she can tell us, or you can save us a step.

Barek

Cherry tomato? They're from my garden.

Logan

What else you grow?

Barek

Cabbage.

Logan

Polish food. I love pierogis. Are your mother's any good?

Barek

Nah. Wasn't her thing. So what did Mrs. Logan make her boy?

Logan

Rum punch. [He smiles to himself. Barek looks inquiring.] Private joke.