Mike Logan quotes from Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Barek

He's got an interesting interview style. Very affable. Cuddly cop. Not what I expected.

Logan

[To witness] And I'll owe you. I'm good for it. Ask anybody. Mike Logan. How about it? [Witness nods.] Now I'm going to pound my fist on the table. Okay?

Barek

Now that's the Logan I expected.

Logan

So just in case I need an interpreter, how many languages do you speak?

Barek

Spanish, Yiddish, Italian, Polish, some Creole, some Russian, some Cantonese from working in Chinatown. You?

Logan

I can say "Stop, police" and "What's your sign?" in fifteen different languages.

Barek

Abusive ex-husbands, boyfriends. It's what she's had to put up with in order to support her habit.

Logan

Lemme get out my violin.

Barek

I was taught in catechism even the worst sinner deserves our compassion.

Logan

Yeah? Yours, maybe. I'll save mine.

Barek

Hi, we're getting engaged. I'm looking for a diamond solitare.

I'm not in the jewelry business.

Barek

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

Logan

What the loop for, so you can find your jeans when you take a leak?

Logan

You fencing rocks for Johnny Feist?

I don't know no Johnny Feist.

Logan

You know, I had a partner -- oh, what a great stick man he was -- here's something he had way too much decency to teach me.

What're you gonna do with that?

Logan

I'm a rage-a-holic cop who took a swing at a city councilman. Everybody thinks that I'm a ticking bomb. Maybe today's the day I blow, I don't know. It's up to you.

You're sick, man. Don't hurt me.

Logan

Hurt you? Hurt you? How much you pay Johnny for those rocks? You profit from the people he kills. You encourage him to kill more. I have absolutely zero compassion for you. You know, Rudy's not the mayor anymore, but that doesn't mean we can't have some fun.

You stepped between me and my family.

Logan

Which family was that?

Logan

Bartoli was right - it is easy to forget he's a cop.

Barek

Even easier to forget he's a father.

Barek

What kind of mother sends her kid on a trip without a change of pants?

Logan

Besides mine?

The suit alleges civil rights violations including the use of excessive force, going back to 1993.

Logan

This is crap. These were all investigated and dismissed by the review board.

All except the last one. Greg Sanchez. He alleges you threatened him with a pool cue and tried to drag him to a bathroom.

Logan

Oh, yeah. Him. The fence. I never actually threatened him.

Mr. Sanchez named Detective Barek as a witness.

Barek

Nobody talked to me about it. If they had I would've said I saw a smart detective use the power of suggestion to get life-saving information from a known criminal.

Logan

Hey, thanks for saying that.

Barek

Don't thank me. That's what I saw.

Logan

Well, hey. Thanks for seeing what you saw.

I don't know where I heard it. Maybe I read it. On the internet.

Logan

No, we googled and doodled it. It's not anywhere.

Barek

How do you know all that aeronautical lore? Date a stewardess?

Logan

My old man. Took me to the beach on the weekends to watch the planes take off and land. He used to fly what they called Corsairs off the aircraft carrier Antietam during the Korean War. So. Of course I wanted to be a fighter pilot.

Barek

Hah. I can see that.

Barek

He stays here?

Yes. Until his last night. Then he sleeps on his boat in the harbor. He says to get back his sea legs.

Logan

Yeah. After a weekend I need to get my cop legs back.

Barek

If Art's dad had known what his bullying would lead to, he might have thought twice about it.

Logan

You ever wonder why I don't have kids? Now you know.

I just got a call from the Chief of D's about my detectives giving the run-around to the Secret Service. Didn't I give you my speech about catching more flies with honey? Because I know your partner's heard it.

Logan

Gee, uh....

Barek

I think we've been made.

Logan

Yes, but as what?