Oh, there we are. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.
Wait till I tell all my friends, I know the S Club 7. A bunch of kids who lay around and don’t tidy up after themselves. Very impressive.
We just need to decide whose turn it is.
Well, then what you guys need is a cleaning schedule.
But we couldn’t decide whose turn it was to write the cleaning shed-yule.
Shall I tell you what one of the most important rules of show business is?
Well, as far as I know you came to L.A. to find fame and fortune and unless it’s hiding under the dirty dishes in the kitchen. You haven’t found it.
Yeah, if it’s early days yet.
I think we’re making good progress.
Well, I don’t know, but what I do know is that if you guys wanna keep this apartment, you had better keep it tidy…and pay your rent on time. (She hits the table) Because otherwise it’s gonna be a case of repossession, and I don’t wanna go through that again.
Okay, guys, I’ve been practicing all day and now I want to see what you think.
Yeah? Well, you weren’t the one walking around like a giant wiener.
Ain’t that what you do every day of your life, anyway.
Shh. You two, Jon’s waiting to show us his new skills.
Okay. Is everybody ready?
But who’d have thought it though? You. A model. I mean. Well, not that you’re not… I think you’re very… Well, obviously, I can’t tell you now. I’m a bloke. But if…if I wasn’t, I’d be a woman. But what I’m trying to say is that I…
Look. Let’s just get on with it, shall we?
Right, okay. Jon is gonna strike a pose and you have to guess what clothes is modelling, alright?
Okay, first one. Watch this.
Yes. Well done. Okay, and this one.
Yes. Well done, Jo. It’s wicked. This one, okay?
Oh, oh. That’s easy. Arm suits.
Well done, Rach. Okay, come here. Let me do this one. (he brings Rachel) Okay, and that was this one.
What? Are you two still here?
Have you two eaten or slept or moved or… (sniffing) washed?
Oh, no! Look at the pile of dishes now!
As the plates get higher. The steaks get higher.
Isn’t that exactly where the pieces were last night?
Probably. (She moves the piece of chess) Can’t rush into anything. (She moves another piece of chess) Strategic playing.
Wasn’t that Jo and Brad I heard leaving at the cracker dawn this morning?
Must have been. I wonder how they’re getting on.
AAll
5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
No, it’s still not right. (to Jon) Jon. Oh, yeah, I’m not speaking to you, am I? (to Jo) Jo, can you tell Paul to tell Hannah.
I am not talking to Hannah.
Of course. That’s right. (She walks over to Hannah) Hannah, can you tell Jo to tell Rachel to tell Paul to tell Jon that…
I forgot I was gonna say now.
Can someone tell me who are not talking to you? I can’t remember anymore.
Oh. Thanks. Tell her thanks.
(to Rachel) Hannah says thanks.
Tell her it’s a pleasure.
She said it’s a pleasure.
Do you know what, guys? I think it’s pathetic.
I know. We’ve never argued like this before.
It’s gonna ruin our performance.
I don’t know. We just don’t seem to agree anymore.
Listen, I know I’ve been a little cynical about this fame and fortune thing, but… I take it all back.
Well, one of you is definitely, definitely famous. Although, not so fortunate.
What are you talking about?
Just a little picture in a magazine.
(He takes a magazine from Joni) It’s not funny!
I suppose it is quite funny.
Oh, guys, we’ve just agreed on something.
So, can I have your photograph?
Of course you can. (He signs in)
V1Verse 1: Hannah
Damn you
I think I can feel something special
Going on
Something that is happening between us
I feel more than you could ever imagine
It's so clear, I want you to know
CAChorus: All
I’m gonna stand by you
If you want me to
I’m gonna stand by you
If you want it tonight
I will stand by you
‘Cause I wanna be with you
I’ll stand by you
HAHook: All, Jo, Hannah
Stand by, stand by you
Stand by, stand by you (stand by you)
Stand by, stand by you
Stand by, stand by you
I only wanna be with you
I only wanna be with you
V2Verse 2: Tina and Hannah
Damn you
Don’t you know it's so good together
Us two
Nothing’s gonna come in between us
I know we go in two different directions sometimes
But you will always be on my mind
And if you think you ain’t got nobody
I just want you to know
CAChorus: All, Jo
I’m gonna stand by you
If you want me to (ooh yeah)
I’m gonna stand by you
If you want it tonight
I will stand by you
‘Cause I wanna be with you
I’ll stand by you
Stand by you (stand by)
HAHook: All, Jo, Hannah
Stand by, stand by you (stand by you)
Stand by, stand by you (stand by you)
Stand by, stand by you (stand by you)
Stand by, stand by you
CAChorus: All, Jo
I’m gonna stand by you
If you want me to (stand by)
I’m gonna stand by you
If you want it tonight
I will stand by you
‘Cause I wanna be with you
I’ll stand by you
Stand by you (stand by)
HAHook: All, Jo
Stand by, stand by you
Stand by, stand by you (stand by you)
Stand by, stand by you
Stand by, stand by you (oh yeah)
OAOutro: All
‘Cause I wanna be with you
I’ll stand by you
‘Cause I wanna be with you
I’ll stand by you
But why did he choose me? Everybody knows I meant to be the cutest one.
Okay, apart from Paul. Everybody knows I meant to be the cutest. And I live more like new sound of the sorceress than neither of you two. So why did he choose me?
Oh, I don’t know, Han. It’s just one of life’s great mysteries like… Where do corn circles come from?
Yeah. Why there ain’t no cure for the summertime blues.
Where’s Bradley? He knows I wanna rehearse routine for the new song. Where is he?
Ah, I’m knackered. I sit now. I ain’t moving for the next 2 hours.
No, no. Why are your choice rehearsing?
We have been rehearsing, Joni.
Oh, no. I don’t mean like that little group thing. I mean for something important now. I have otherwise you guys to have a special skill like, uh, juggler.
Oh, no, honey. You’re in L.A. Every waiter and their mother sings. We’ve got to find you guys something that makes you stand out in the crowd.
Ah. I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue.
Mmm. I wouldn’t go around boasting about that. Now let’s go out and find you guys a skill. Okay. Come on.
A cow. But you caught a sheep with no legs. A crowd. How could you forget that?
You don’t even know what a man with monkey under one arm, a crocodile onto the other was doing.
I think maybe he’s wearing them as an air freshener.
I wouldn’t say that restaurant was tough, but I think they used a pig as an air freshener.
Are we late for rehearsal?
No. It’s Christ’s meeting. We’re thinking about chucking someone out the band.
Look, if this is about that time that I posted nude photos of Jon on the internet, while they’re…
It’s Bradley! Tina says if he won’t come to rehearsals, he can’t be in the band anymore.
It’s just stupid. (to Bradley) Hey, Brad. You alright, mate?
As far as we know, he hasn’t slept for 2 days and what’s even worse and…
He hasn’t gone to the toilet, either.
People, I think we’re sitting on a time bomb.
Bradley, serious! I’m making an intervention. I’m not moving from a spot until you stop playing this game.
I just let me get past this level, all right? Trust me, I can do it.
No, you can’t, you hoof. It’s almost impossible to complete without the secret cheap put in the game by the garbagey of TD. It says here.
Well, then let’s find this bloke and ask him the secret. That way we can get our Brad back.
Good idea. But all we know about the game is that it’s by strati soft. You have no idea where they are or if they’re even in California.
You would do. Spring Street Downtown.
Yeah. They’re so nice format that’s like the audition.
So, you put a nude picture of me on the internet.
So, how many goblins does it take to change a light bulb? None. They’re not tall enough. You think it’s easy being an evil sorceress? Well, let me tell you. It’s not easy. Other girls when they want a new outfit made, they go to the dressmakers. Me? I have to visit the blacksmith. (giggles) That’s all for me, ladies and gentlemen. I’m Zelda the sorceress and good night.
Okay, so lose the gag about the goblin thing and a really rude one about the Wizard of Oz, but apart from that, it was alright.
Should you think I’m nearly ready?
Almost. You still don’t know how to handle hecklers yet.
Yeah. You know, people stand up and shout things out with you in your act.
Oh, right! You mean like when we rehearse in and we come to your solo and Bradley shouts to you “Huh, shut up!”
Yeah. Kind of. Okay, so, just imagine. You’re doing your act, okay? And I’m a heckler. I’m gonna stand up and shout things out like “Get off!” and “I’ve had funnier acne!” and “You’re rubbish!” and “You just smell funny!” I mean what are you gonna do?
Okay, so… there’s one option.
You know what I was thinking, Johnny Jon?
Oh, I don’t know, Honey Han. Um, why, uh, butterflies called butterflies are not margarine flies?
No. I wasn’t thinking that.
I was thinking the trouble with Los Angeles is that is so big. Nobody notices ya. I mean look at them ants. (pointing to the ants on the floor) They’re the equivalent of us in Los Angeles. They’re insignificant.
(groaning then clearing his throat)
How do you know what he’s saying?
Well, I’ve been studying Bradley speak. It’s a little like Japanese but without the words.
I guess that means “I’ll see you later?”
No. He was just clearing his throat.
Tina, you know. If you ever think about having a relationship with a man, then think again and think again, and just don’t do it.
Okay, right. Uh, I’ll remember that.
And if you do do it, then just check yourself into an ASAN asylum.
Cos I can help you with that, Tina. I can.
Listen, nobody go near Joni. Looks like she’s having trouble with her boyfriend and she’s about to take it out on someone.
Hmm. Well, I hope she gives us some warnings so we can all take cover.
AAll
Somebody at the door!
I don’t know if we rush, guys. I’ll get it.
Oh! Hello, Joni. I didn’t recognize you from above.
Ah! I had a nightmare that Joni was going across the floor, then when I woke up, Joni was going across the floor.
Don’t take any notice. It’s probably some kind of new age ritual.
Ohh! I knew it! I knew it!
Uh-oh! Sounds serious. Better get ready to run! (They all rush around)
Um, where are my trainers?!
I can’t go out looking like this!
Down there! Look! Ants! Hundreds of ants!
Oh, yeah. Well, I’d see that, eh?
I can see them. They stand out like a mile.
I wouldn’t say a mile. Maybe a few millilitres and they’re the tallest ones.
There is an infestation here. This place is a mess! Look at it! I mean don’t you ever clean it up? It’s disgusting! (to the rest of the band mates) Listen up, everybody! The terms of your lease say that this place must be kept clean or I can throw you out at any time.
You’re right. She’s right. You’re absolutely right. This place is a tip, isn’t it? (clicking fingers) Paul.
Yeah, yeah. Um, it’s a disgrace! There is parp everywhere. Yeah. Someone should clean it up. I’ve got to go and see a man about the goose.
Whoa, hold on. Where are you going?
Um, um, to get some ant killer.
Stunner. Ant stunner. We’ll buy some ant stunner and then we’ll stun the ants, take them outside and then um…
Yeah. To roam the beach and destruct their stuff.
But we’ll have to spin and run first so they get dizzy and they can’t find their way back!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no you don’t! No!
