L.A. 7 quotes

Joni

You know, I could get twice as much money for this apartment and have much less hassle.

Tina

Yeah, we realize that.

Joni

I mean I’m the one that’s doing you the favor here. You guys came here with nothing! I put a roof over your head and this is how you repay me.

Rachel

Don’t worry, Joni. We’ll help you tidy up.

Joni

(beginning to cry) You know, it’s just always the same thing. The nicer you are to people, the more they take you for granted, the more that they exploit your kindness.

Rachel

Aw.

Joni

I mean I just do the best that you can. I mean that’s all you can do, and then somebody just ups and leaves you for another one.

Tina

Joni, shut up! (sitting down next to her) This isn’t about the state of the apartment, is it?

Joni

What do you mean?

Tina

It’s your boyfriend, isn’t it? He’s dumped you. You’re upset. So come in here and take out on us and the ants.

Joni

Isn’t that obvious?

Rachel

Yes, but we want to help you.

Joni

You do? But why?

Rachel

Because… Good question.

Tina

Because we like you.

Joni

(sniffs) Really?

Rachel

(whispering to Tina) No, we don’t.

Tina

Yes, we do.

Rachel

Yes, we do and we want to help you get over your friend.

Tina

So, forget about the state of the apartment.

Rachel

Yeah, I mean what’s a little dust and mess and ants and dirty socks and grimy plates and general filth and…

Tina

Yeah. All right, Rach.

Rachel

When compared to love and human relationships.

Tina

Exactly.

Joni

(breaths calmly) You know, you’re right. I feel better already.

Joni

So that’s how it always works. I break up with somebody and then I regret it, so I phone them and then it all gets bad again.

Tina

Okay. Here’s the suggestion. If you find yourself wanting to find this guy up, then talk to us instead and we’ll help you not to find him.

Joni

Really? That’s very nice of you. Hey, guys.

Hi.

Jo

Joni, about the rent.

Rachel

No, it’s fine. Everything’s cool.

Jon

Is it?

Joni

Yeah, it is. What are you guys up to?

Jon

Well, we’re kind of sick and tired of sitting around waiting to be discovered, so we decided to make a film.

Rachel

Oh, that’s a great idea! That’s brilliant.

Tina

That’s great!

Joni

That’s great, that’s great. (trying to ring a number to someone)

Tina

Joni?

Joni

Hm?

Tina

What are you doing?

Joni

Oh. Nothing. So… Let’s make movies!

Paul

Yeah.

Bradley

That’s a good idea.

Jon

So, has anyone got any questions or anything then?

Rachel

Yeah.

Jo

Yeah.

Rachel

Do I have to wear that on my head?

Bradley

No, I’m not wearing his hat, bro.

Jon

Brad, you have to be a policeman.

Bradley

I did not.

Tina

Jon, Jon, Jon. So what are you gonna be then?

Jon

Well, I’m directing it, but then I’ve got to be the, uh, the third cop as well.

Hannah

Guys.

Paul

Any other questions, guys?

I can’t stand to see you sad

Someday, someway (there’s no need to cry)

After all you’ve done for me

Someday, someway (there’s no need to cry)

You’ve taken everything me

After all you’ve done for me

Someday, someway (there’s no need to cry)

You’ve taken everything from me

I can’t stand to see you sad

Someday, someway (there’s no need to cry)

Someday, someway (someday, someway)

There’s no need to cry

Someday, someway (with some need to cry)

Bradley

You’re all set!

Jon

Okay, so this is the S Club Movie. Take 1!

Jon

And action!

Rachel

Okay, Jo. You know what we’ve got to do.

Jo

Sure. We’re going hard. We get the money and we get out if anyone stands in our way, we take them out.

Rachel

Where do we take them?

Jo

What?

Rachel

Well, you said we take them out. Where do we take them? Do we take them to restaurant or something?

Jo

No, Rach! We take them out! We kill them.

Rachel

Oh, Jo. I don’t think we should hurt them.

Jo

So what should we do then?

Rachel

Well, you know, shout at them or something.

Jo

You mean call them names.

Rachel

Yes! Call them names till they give us the money.

Jo

Or they cry.

Rachel

Oh, whatever.

Jo

Alright. Cool. Let’s go.

Jon

Okay. (to Jo and Rachel) Once more with feeling!

Bradley

Yeah. Rachel’s a bit shiny as well.

Jon

Mmm.

Paul

(clears throats) Detective, do we have a lead on these bank robbers?

Hannah

Mm-hmm. Seems that they were 2 women.

Paul

How do you know?

Hannah

Because witnesses said that they saw 2 women robbing the bank so we figured that the robbers were 2 women.

Paul

Nice work, Detective. Nice work.

Hannah

We found a stick of a low-calorie gum at the scene so I guess that one of them is on a diet.

Paul

Hmm. That reminds me. Lunch. I want Detective Lee and Detective McIntosh working on this case.

Hannah

But, but they don’t get home with each other, chief.

Paul

Not my problem, Detective. (eating donut)

Jon

I’ve been assigned as your new partner.

Bradley

I don’t work with partners.

Jon

You do now, McIntosh.

Bradley

Listen up. I work alone, alright? I had a partner once.

Jon

Yeah, and what happened?

Bradley

I don’t wanna talk about it.

Jon

Do you wanna talk about it?

Bradley

No.

Jon

Look, the D.A. seems to think that you could use a little help on this case about catching those bank robbers.

Bradley

Listen up, Lee. I don’t need your help! Alright?

Jon

I knew a guy that said that once.

Bradley

Yeah. What happened to him?

Jon

I don’t want to talk about it.

Bradley

You wanna to talk about it?

Jon

No.

Bradley

So what do you wanna talk about?

Hannah

Oh! Look! There they are!

Hannah

Oh!

Jon

Stop the car!

Hannah

Quick!

Hannah

Go up there!

Jon

Yeah!

Jo

Right foot turn, Rach.

Hannah

Over there!

Jo

Come on, Rach! (showing them the bag)

Hannah

Go, go, go, go, go, go, GO!!

Jo

Whoo-whoo! Come on, Rachel!

Jo

Hey! Check it out!

Jon

Go, go, go!

Hannah

Look out! Get you!

Paul

Go!

Hannah

That’s it, you two! Your robbing days are over!

Jon

You’re going down for 3 to 5!

Jo

Jon, get off! That hurts! (she hits him)

Jon

Ow! Did you see that? She just hit me.

Rachel

So, is that it then?

Hannah

I guess so.

Paul

Well, we have got some more take left.

Jon

So, guys. Why don’t we just end it with a song?

Paul

Okay.

Jon

You alright?

Jo

No. You really hurt my arm.

Jon

I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.

S Club

S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party, oh)

Finally Friday night

S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party, oh)

(Ooh, ooh) Wave your hands in the air

Tina’s doing her dance

S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party, oh)

(Ooh, ooh) Wave your hands in the air

(Ooh, ooh) Wave your hands in the air

Ghetto boys, make some noise

S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party, oh)

Hi, Joni.

Joni

(gasps)

It’s me. Are you there?

Joni

Yes. Yes, I am.

I know you don’t wanna talk to me, but I wanna tell you something. Pick up the phone.

I thought maybe we could patch things up, Joni.

Joni

Oh, yes. We can, we can.

Well, I guess not. Look, I’m going away for a while. Uh, you won’t be able to call me, but…

Joni

No, no! Don’t hang up! No, don’t hang up!

I love you, Joni. Goodbye.

Joni

NO! (echoes then sobs)

Jo

So, where should we go tonight then?

Hannah

Well, wherever it is a bit pitchy because I’m skint.

Paul

You’re always skint. When you get money, you don’t have to spend it immediately, you know, Han. It’s not compulsory. You better stay in tonight.

Jon

Yeah, but you’re still coming, aren’t you?

Paul

No.

Tina

Why’s that?

Paul

I’m skint too.

Bradley

What a day. Tell ya. Being a cinema aser is a lot harder than it looks, alright? You got the back seat, anti-snug patrol. You got the Slurpee volume enforcement and you got the ground to air popcorn prevention. Anyway, I thought you lot were going out.

Paul

No. We’ve been waiting for you, mate.

Jon

Yeah. We’re not gonna go out without you, are we?

Jo

Erm, yeah. You have been paid, right?

Bradley

Well, actually, yeah. I made 50 bucks today.

Hannah

Cinema? Has she made 50 bucks a day?

Bradley

No, I don’t get paid to the end of the week, but that’s just some of the change I found down the back of the seats.

Tina

Great. So where are we going?

Bradley

Well, I’m quite parped. So I think I’ll have a night in.

Rachel

Well, there’s a slight problem, see? We haven’t got any money, so we were thinking that maybe you could…

Hannah

Bradley.

Bradley

You still owe me 20 bucks from Florida, you little monkey.

Hannah

No, I don’t. I mean that to Paul.

Paul

Don’t look at me. I gave that to Tina.

Tina

Hey, nothing to do with me. Rachel wanted it and she didn’t like to ask.

Rachel

I only need cos I let my last 20 to Jon.

Jon

Yeah, and I would never have asked if I hadn’t already given all my money to Bradley.

Bradley

So you mean I owe myself 20 bucks. Ha ha.

Hannah

Look, we don’t have to go out to have fun.

Jo

No. Hannah’s right. Why don’t we all spend the evening in?

Tina

And do what?

Rachel

We’ll do what they did in the olden days. You know, before nightclubs are invented, I suppose.

Jo

What? You mean like skinning dinosaurs?

Jon

Come on, guys. We’re gonna have a great time. We can enjoy each other’s company, talk about current affairs, politics, literature.

Paul

Yeah. Who needs music and all those fancy electronics to enjoy themselves? Come on. Let’s go for it. Alright.

Hannah

So, what should we talk about then? Mmm?

Bradley

I see you a lot then.

Paul

(bumping into Jo) Ooh!

Jon

What’s happened?

Tina

The lights have come out.

Hannah

Oh. A dozen squid was just about to start.

Jon

Oh, no. My hair’s gonna look like straw.

Rachel

Your hair always looks like straw.

Jo

Look. Just got to sit down and try and work this one out.

Hannah

Jo! Stop trying to sit on my lap!

Jo

Sorry, Hannah. I can’t see anything.

Hannah

Obviously, you didn’t realize there’s a little bowl of guacamole in my lap.

Jo

Ugh!

Bradley

What is going on down here?

Paul

We’ve burned the lights.

Tina

Oh my gosh! If Joni finds out about this, we’re out.

Jon

I have a strange feeling. She will find out.

Paul

I can’t even see to sit down.

Bradley

Yes we can. (turning the flashlight on) Heh. Allow me to show you to your seats. (to Rachel) Madam, please no talking. (to Hannah) Chew quietly. (to Paul and Tina) Sir, madam.

Paul

Thank you.

Bradley

Show consideration for the other patrons…and enjoy the show.

Jo

What’s that noise coming from outside?

What’s going on? My lights have blown!

So are mine.

Paul

I’m really sorry, but I think… I think it was us that blew the lights.

Oh, great. It was the Brits.

Oh! I might have known.

Well, let’s gang up on them. Throw them out.

Yeah. We did it in 1776 and we can do it again.

Jo

Hold on. You just wait a minute. If it’s our fault, we’ll fix it. Alright?

I’ll repair it.

Hannah

See? Wally will repair it! Everybody knows Wally. Wally’s a qualified electrician. You are qualified, aren’t you, Wal?

As good as.

Hannah

Excellent!

Paul

So, Wally will repair it and there’ll be no need to tell Joni that we blew out her entire building. Deal?

Hmm…

All right.

Yeah.

Jon

Well, I’m glad to see it’s all been sorted out.

Uh, not really. We haven’t worked out my fee.

Rachel

Oh, yes. Your fee. Okay, Wally, come on. Give us a wall park figure.

Well, rewiring an entire building, replacing dozens of junction boxes, scores of power points. It’s a big job. It’s a very big job. I’d say conservative estimate. 90,000,000.

Jo

200 bucks.

Done.

Paul

Where are we gonna get $200 from?

Bradley

Well, we’re definitely ain’t gonna find it down the back of the cinema seat, that’s for sure.

Tina

All I have to find a job, however stupid, however pathetic. We’ll each have to get a job and work really hard and raise the money.

Mmm.

Jo

Hey, Rach, have you still got the paper?

Rachel

Mmm.

Bradley

There you are, Rach. Here’s one for you. Professional dog-sitter.

Rachel

No way! I’m a cat person. You wouldn’t get me working there in a million years.