David Clinton quotes from Justice League Unlimited

David? David! Are you hiding in the garage again? Look at this mess. Come on out, David. I know you're here.

David Clinton

Oh. Hello, dear. I was just cataloging some of my collection.

Collection? Pft. Bunch of junk.

David Clinton

It's not junk. This comb belonged to Cleopatra. And this... This is an actual early draft of the Magna Carta. And this-

Right. Like you could afford these things on a physics professor's salary. We can't even afford the new car I want.

David Clinton

I-I didn't buy them, Enid. I sort of took them.

You robbed a museum? Is that why you're wearing that goofy cat suit?

David Clinton

Well, sort of. Not exactly. Remember last summer when I didn't get tenure?

Yeah. They thought you were crazy because you kept insisting you were on the verge of discovering... time travel.

David Clinton

It's my chrono-suit. I've had it working for months. I've been using it to gather treasures for my collection. And you said I was a loser.

Let me get this straight. You got a suit that lets you travel in time, and you've been using it to steal historical trash? [David looks proud; Enid grabs him abusively] You stupid little man! You could go back and steal gold and jewels! You could get stock information from the future! We could be rich!

David Clinton

No! We can't use the suit to do anything that could change history. I'm careful to only take things that wouldn't be missed.

Like your spine?

David Clinton

Enid, please, don't talk to me like that. I love-

Mother was right. I should have married Jim Doorman. He's a very successful lawyer. And you are a loser - always were, always will be.

David Clinton

But-

YOU WORTHLESS, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, WRETCHED WASTE OF SPACE! YOU INVENT A TIME MACHINE AND CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING USEFUL TO DO WITH IT?!

David Clinton

[is stunned with fright at first, but then turns angry] I can think of one thing! [activates a portal in time] I can use it to get away from you!

Wonder Woman

By all means, you first.

Green Lantern

Diana's carrying a grudge.

She'll get over it. How 'bout you? Carrying anything?

Green Lantern

What? Shayera? We're cool. We're giving each other our space. I'm seeing Vixen, now. [pause] I'm very happy.

Uh-huh.

Green Lantern

Anyway, why are we always talking about my love life? What's going on between you and Diana?

Nothing. She's a respected colleague.

Green Lantern

Uh-huh.

I don't have time to pursue a relationship. My work is too important to allow any distractions. Diana's a remarkable woman, she's a valued friend, she's... [realizes] ...standing right behind me, isn't she?

Wonder Woman

[indeed she is] Don't let that stop you. [leans over Batman, flirtatiously] Keep digging.

David Clinton

Aah!

Who are you? How did you get in the watchtower?

David Clinton

You weren't supposed see me. Stay away! No one's supposed to know I was here.

Green Lantern

Everybody okay?

Wonder Woman

Where are we?

"Where"? I think the question is "when"?

I have to confess. You're about the most colorfully attired individuals I've ever bushwhacked. You circus folk?

Wonder Woman

Not exactly.

I don't care what you are, long as you pay the toll.

Wonder Woman

Toll?

Welcome to Elkhorn, Oklahoma, ma'am. This here is Tobias Manning territory.

Wonder Woman

You want tribute? Money?

Why in particular... That fat gold chain will do just fine, unless you got somethin' else you want to give--

Wonder Woman

Those are the biggest, slowest bullets I've ever seen.

You're letting them go?

Wonder Woman

Hm? Oh, no.

I was afraid of this. The Elkhorn Gazette. It's either an amazing forgery, or it's less than a month old.

Wonder Woman

So?

Look at the date. [reading]: June, 1879.

Green Lantern

I have mentioned how much I hate time travel.

Wonder Woman

If we don't find our sneak thief, we're stuck here.

Green Lantern

Let's head for the nearest town. See if we can find him.

We can't go anywhere dressed like this.

Wonder Woman

No. We can't.

Bat Lash

Which I'd suspect is most of it, what with him being so mule-stupid and all.

David Clinton

It's been horrible here. Humiliating. I just want to go home. I'll gladly take my punishment if you help me get back.

How did Tobias take over a whole town with a time machine?

David Clinton

Future tech, like his extra-dimensional six-gun.

Bruce Wayne

And his surveillance cameras. We need to go. Now.

You're with us.

Bat Lash

That's a healthy gal.

I've got their positions. I'm gonna take 'em down.

Don't hurt anyone. We could accidentally change history.

Little late for that, don't you think?

Bruce Wayne

Go ahead. Give me an excuse.

Something's happening out there.

Bat Lash

Something's happening, all right. The cavalry's arrived.

Who are you people?

Ohiyesa Smith

Sheriff Ohiyesa Smith.

El Diablo, ever at the service of justice.

Jonah Hex

Jonah Hex. Don't have a lot of time for jawing. In these parts, there's an abundance of bad men who need setting straight.

Bat Lash

Hey, tinhorn!

Ohiyesa Smith

Tobias!

If it isn't Pow Wow Smith. Wasn't expecting to see your sorry hide again.

Ohiyesa Smith

I've told you before about calling me that. It ain't gonna happen again.

No. I expect this is the last time. Go for your gun, chief, so I can ventilate you proper.

Bruce Wayne

Six guns. Six of us. Nobody miss.

My guns!

Ohiyesa Smith

You and me, partner. Right now.

Another day, lawman. Nova!

Jonah Hex

Let him. Man needs to balance his own accounts.

Have it your way. Let's finish this.

Ohiyesa Smith

This what you're looking for?

Green Lantern

Near as my ring can figure, that's everything that shouldn't be here.

Bat Lash

Shoot. I wanted me one of them fancy ray guns.

Jonah Hex

Ain't dependable. They jam.

David Clinton

Oh, you forgot to reset the compensator. Here. Let me.

David Clinton

Or maybe I'm lying.

Bat Lash

Huh.

We've been expecting you.

But I bet you weren't expecting us.

Green Lantern

Static? What's going on?

Dad?