Kevin(he stops walking then he puts his arms on both sides to stop Joe and Nick from walking)Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?
That walking this way looks really cool but makes us late for class?
Kevin
No.
Auditions tomorrow for "The Three Musketeers"? (sees the sign up sheet and reads the title of the play)
Kevin
(walks to the sign up sheet then he turns back around) We should totally audition. We would be perfect! (Says to Joe and Nick after talking about the play) Plus, we get to wear hats with feathers!
Kevin
I don't joke around about a feathered hat.
Guys, but we're not actors.
Kevin
When you told Nick his hair wasn't big this morning, that was acting.
I rely on you. (he touches his hair)
Wow, I guess I can act. (Nick looks at Joe then Kevin is heard laughing)
Kevin
I'm gonna put our names down. (writes his name along with Joe's and Nick's names on the sheet)
If we do this, we take it seriously.
Kevin
And I want a humungous sword.
Kevin
And a leather patch to put my turkey leg in. What? (Joe and Nick are looking at him) In the old days, they didn't have lunch boxes.
You know, it would be really cool for us to be "The Three Musketeers."
Kevin
So what do you say?
KJKevin, Joe and Nick
One for all; all for one! (Joe and Nick put their hands on top of each other and Kevin puts his turkey leg on Joe's hand while holding it)
That's a little-- Um, we should work on that.
Kevin
Yeah, definitely. (Joe and Nick leave) Ehh, there's a hair on my turkey leg. (removes the hair from the food)
Don't mind if I don't. (throws it on Frankie then he walks away and Nick enters the bedroom)
(takes the towel) I'll take it. And instead five bucks, I'll let you to continue to live here. (he leaves then Kevin leaves the bathroom with five bucks)
Kevin
Hey, man, here you go. (he puts the five bucks in the tip jar) Hit me. Ahh, invigorating.
(he runs upstairs) Hey, you guys, today's your big audition for "The Three Musketeers," right?
Kevin
Yeah.
Need any acting pointers? I got rave reviews in my kindergarten production "Safety on a School Bus."
Kevin
Music and singing come naturally to us, so we're just gonna go with our instincts.
Instincts? Great. Really bad idea. Let me give you a few pointers.
Few pointers? How about a few pointers?
Dad, would you give us a few acting pointers? (he puts down the guitar)
Okay, if you insist. Come on. All right, look, acting-- the key is right here-- it's all in the face, okay? All right? Let's run through some acting expressions, okay? Start with anger. RRR! That's good, anger. Angry! (Joe and Kevin are doing the expressions with Tom except Nick) Okay, all right. Um, bravery. "Oh, nothing can hurt me. I'm so brave. Okay, that's good. Okay, and now try joy. Right into joy.
Ooh, Kevin! Your body language is fantastic. Joe, great energy. Nick, I think you show a little bit of that quiet star power as I did as boy with motion sickness.
(he sits on the ottoman) Okay. Now let give you some warm-ups to get your speech clear and your focus centered, okay? (Joe, Kevin and Nick are just looking at Tom) MMM--MMAHH! MMM--EH! MM--EHH! (blowing raspberries) (Joe is looking at Tom) (giggling) (exhaling, mumbling) (Kevin, Joe and Nick are walking away) Yeegaa! Boys? (notices that Kevin, Joe and Nick aren't there)
Move 'em or lose 'em pal! (trying to keep finding it but Kevin and Joe blocks her way then she looks up at them) Oh, sorry. (she stands up)
Kevin
What are you doing, Macy?
Oh, I lost my lucky charm. I can't play without it and we have basketball game.
Well, maybe we can help you. What does it look like?
It’s a little charm that says, “You're #1”, and without it I feel like #2.
You don't need a lucky charm.
Yes, I do. It helps me win and I like to win.
Kevin
Macy, it's your hard work and talent that make you a great athlete.
Kevin
You know what? We don't want you to be late for the game. So you go ahead and me and Joe will stay here and look.
Right. Okay. (she runs to the game)
Man, some people are so superstitious. I don't get it. I've used the same blue panda pencil forever on all my math tests. And I don't use it because I'm superstitious. I just always have it with me. Wait, where's my blue panda pencil? (he checks his pants) No! No! (he takes various stuff out of his pockets to find it) No. (sighs) Here it is-- my blue panda pencil.(kisses it)
Hey, Stella. Which role are you trying out for? (Joe is angry at Van Dyke)
Oh, I'm gonna to try out for this lady with the fancy French name that I can't pronounce.
Oh, well, it says here that she's beautiful. You'll definitely get the part.
Stella! (he walks to her and Van Dyke) There you are. I looked all over. What did you want to talk to me about?
Me too. We're so in sync, you and me. You and me.(he takes her away from Van Dyke)
Kevin
(he and Nick are walking to Mrs Snark) Hey, Mrs. Snark, my brothers and I are here to audition.
SMiss Snark
I heard that JONAS was in the house. And by "house", I obviously mean theatre not hizzy.
Kevin
Right. Um, but we're not here as JONAS, just Nick, Kevin and Joe auditioning like everyone else. We don't want any special treatment.
SMiss Snart
Gentlemen, I am a woman of the theatre and biology lab. I award roles on the sole basis of talent. I assure you, you're going to prove yourselves like everyone else. Next!
SMiss Snark
Brilliant! You've got the part.
Kevin
My lady--
Perfection! You've got the part.
SMiss Snark
Magnificent! You've got the part.
I still say we got our roles 'cause we're celebrities. I mean, how else do you explain landing a role after saying one word.
I didn't even say a word. (Mrs. Snark is going to remove the sign up sheet and she puts the program up)
Mrs. Snark, we're a little concerned that we may gotten our roles because of you know, who we are. (he, Joe and Kevin are feeling concerned because they landed their roles so easily unlike everyone else)
You absolutely got your roles because of who you are and who you are, are fine young actors. When you've been a biology/drama teacher as long as I, you only need to hear one word sometimes less-- to recognize talent. Bravo. (claps her hands) I can assure you that casting you had nothing to do with your ability to sell tickets. (she leaves with the sign up sheet)
Yeah, nothing to do with it at all.
(she enters) So did you guys hear? I got the part. I got the part. I am playing "Lady Bona-la-chew--habla-beau-la-blech." Ahem.
Kevin
Wait, isn't that the love interest to Porthos played by our very own Joe?
is it? I haven't read it that far, so...
(taps the box) Oh, this is my wig. I guess I have big fancy hair to go with my big fancy name.
(points to the box) Why does it say box "1 of 3"?
(holding her wig up) I thought high heels were hard.
Musketeers-- Athos, Porthos and Aramis-- You are deciding whether to trust a criminal to help rescue Porthos's true love. (Stella is locked at the top of the tower while holding a handkerchief) Aramis, from your line.
(steps forward) Then it is up to us to save her before she loses her head.
(drops the wig then Kevin, Joe and Nick are looking at it) Sorry.
Staple gun! Everybody take five.(Kevin, Stella and Nick are walking offstage except Joe) Porthos, let's work on your monologue. Okay (walks offstage)
Stop! I'm not feeling Porthos. You're giving me Joe. I love Joe. But I want Porthos.
Ahem. (looks at the audience and Mrs Snark) The night has fallen. (Stella, Kevin and Nick are worried about Joe) The night has fallen. And within my heart... (sweat is on his face then warped laughters of Mrs. Snark, Stella, Nick and Kevin appears)
Kevin
(blows a raspberry and gives a thumbs down then Joe's sweating face is shown up close)
Porthos? Porthos? (Joe is back to reality and Mrs. Snark tells him to say his line)(Stella, Nick and Kevin are still worried about Joe then he drops his sword and runs out of the auditorium)
Kevin
Hey, dude. What happened? You totally skipped the scene where I get to wear my feathered hat.
I don't want to do this play anymore. It's not my thing.
Kevin
What? You can't just quit. We're The Three Musketeers.
You looked pretty nervous up there.
Nervous? I perform in front of 50,000 of screaming fans with no sweat.
Kevin
Yeah, but in front of us, there was some sweat (takes out a towel from his pants and he gives it to Joe) (Joe wipes sweat off his face)
Okay, maybe just a little nervous. Just a little bit. I think I'm gonna throw up... Just a little bit.
Why do you suddenly stage fright?
I don't know. When we're performing, I just have to be Joe! And that's pretty easy.
Kevin
You are an excellent Joe.
Best one I've ever worked with.
But with this play, I have to be a totally different person. What if no one believes me? Or they think you're Aramis and you're Athos and I'm Stinkos.(he grabs Nick by the shirt) I mean, I-- I don't want to do that.
Bro, this is supposed to be fun. If it's not, forget it. No big.
Then, please let go of my shirt. (Joe removes his hand from the shirt then Nick and Kevin leave Joe)
What is going on? Not the show, I can tell you that. Not to be melodramatic about it, but the show must go on!
You can't quit. If you quit, I'll have no career.
I'm sorry, it's just you're going to find somebody else to do the part.
Do you have another brother?
There's Frankie. He's eight but he can play really close to 11.
Where am I going to find another Porthos in such short notice?
What up, diggy dogs? (he comes and he puts his arm around Joe)
Magnificent! You've got the part.
The part of Porthos in "The Three Musketeers. (Van Dyke is confused) Porthos is her love interest.
After the break, we'll start rehearsing the big romantic scene between you and Stella. Come. (she, Stella and Van Dyke leave)
Kevin
Haa!
It's my talent and hard work that's made me a great athlete. Nerks!(she is angry)(walks in front of Kevin then she turns around to apologize) Ooh! I'm sorry. It's just we lost yesterday I didn't have my lucky charm. I threw nothing but bricks. Me! Mighty Mite Macy Misa!
Kevin
(he takes off his boot and gives it to Macy) Here.
(holds Kevin's boot and walks while holding with it) Your Jacques LeFajette size 8 and a half calfskin boot in hot cocoa brown? (she turns around) Why?
Kevin
Don't tell anybody, but I believe in lucky charms too. That's my lucky boot. I want you to have it.
But how do you know it's lucky, besides the obvious fact it gets to hug your foot all day and night.
Kevin
I wear it every single night on stage. I’ve never done a performance without it, and I’ve never been struck by lightning! Now, if that’s not lucky I don’t know what is.
Well, then come on lucky boot. Let's go kick some butt! (she leaves with Kevin's boot then he is walking with one boot one)
Kevin
Hey, Joe, can we talk about the play?
Kevin
Aren't you guys gonna ask me about my boot first? (he is shown wearing a sock on his left foot)
JNJoe and Nick
No. (they shake their heads)
Kevin
Joe, seeing as how you decided to leave the play, me and Nick want to let you know that if you wanted us to quit, we will. (Nick nods in agreement) I really really don't want to but I will. I really don't want to but I will. I really don't want to but I will. I really really don't want to but I will.
Guys. I don't you to quit because of me. It's really cool. I appreciate it. I guess we are The Musketeers. (horns blow)
Hey, my two Musketeers. Let's hit play practice.
I think you mean rehearsal.
Rehearsal, yeah. That's what Mrs. Snark called it. (notices that Kevin isn't wearing one of his boots) Hey, where's your boot?
Kevin
Thank you for asking. You know, it is a crazy story... It happened to me a little earlier
Look, um, I was sorry to see you quit.
Yeah, well, Van Dyke stepped right in there. I mean, I'm not Van Dyke Tosh, you know?
Yeah, well, he's a pretty good looking guy, though.
Do you want to lie to you?
Hey, Stella, come on! One for all and all for fun!
Kevin
Tis a great risk, Porthos. (he and Nick are practicing with swords)
(grunting) But Athos, we must trust...him if we are to save the life of the fair... Lady De Bonna...
(he goes upstairs) Lady De-Bonna-So-La-Boo. I thought rehearsal was over an hour ago.
Yeah, well, some of us needed some more practice. (Kevin pats and points at Van Dyke)
Ah, no problem, fellas. I'm glad I could help you out. I did win the team-player-of-the-year trophy two years running. Speaking of running, where's the can?
Kevin
Over there.
Thanks. (runs to the bathroom)
Well, that is one classy guy.
Kevin
Yeah, but we still wish it was you that we were rehearsing with, Joe.
And I bet you wish Van Dyke wasn't rehearsing with Stella.
So he kisses her hand in once scene-- no big deal.
Kevin
So you did read ahead.
Whatever. The point is, why is Van Dyke here in our room? This is like Sacred JONAS territory.
Kevin
It's not like Van Dyke's going to replace you, Joe.
Except, you know, in the play where he actually did replace you.
Yo, dudes. What do you say we grab some bites?
Kevin
Sounds good.
Van Dyke : One for all--
KNKevin and Nick
All for one.
(mimicking Van Dyke) Yo, dudes, Why not grab some bites?
(enters backstage) Hey, you guys, I just wanted to say have a great show.
Van Dyke : Hey thanks, bud! We sure will. (Joe shakes Nick's hand) Okay, boys, huddle up! Go acting!
Kevin
Yeah. Um, Joe, this is really weird. I think this is the first time we've perform without you.
Attention, everyone! Attention! Last-minute change between the romantic love scene between Porthos and Lady B. Instead of a kiss on the hand, the school board has said it's okay to for it to be a real kiss!
Van Dyke : Awesome. (Van Dyke sprays his mouth and Nick is trying to take out the spit from his ear)
Mrs. Snark : Places, everyone. Curtains in one minute! (feedback)
How can you eat at a time like this? (Macy looks at him then she looks back at the play and eats the popcorn)
Thanks for filming the play, Frankie. Your mother would be upset if she couldn't watch this when she gets back from your aunt Debbie's.
No problem.(he is watching cartoons rather than filming the play)(cartoon sounds)
Are you watching cartoons? Give me this. (takes the video away from Frankie)
Kevin
I knew it was him for he had the mark of the criminal on his shoulder!
Then it is up to us to save her before she loses her head.
Kevin
Tis a great risk, Porthos. Tis a great risk, Porthos. (waiting for Van Dyke to come)
MMan
Van Dyke. (applause) (Van Dyke bumps into Kevin which makes Kevin bumps into Nick)
But Athos, we must trust...him for tonight, I shall ask-- I shall ask...
Mrs. Snark : "Sweet my beloved into my arms and proclaim my love for her."
Sweep up with my arms the love and proclaim for her.
Looks like somebody could use a lucky boot.
Dare I ask if I may have your heart?
Yes yes, my beloved. A thousand times, yes.
Dare I ask...if I may have a kiss?
Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (she walks down the tower then she holds hands with Van Dyke)
Stella and Van Dyke are gonna...(she looks at Joe's chair but he left the audience to interrupt Van Dyke from kissing Stella)(Van Dyke and Stella are about to kiss)
No! (he swings on a rope and knocks Van Dyke away while Stella backs away from being hit)
I'm sorry, but he can't kiss you.
Because this is my role. (he picks up the feathered hat) Dare I ask, may I have a kiss, Lady De-Bonna-So-La-Boo?
Yes. I mean... Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (Joe kisses her on the cheek) (applause from Nick, Kevin, Mrs. Snark, Macy and the crowd)
Bravo! Bravo! (Van Dyke is waking up with the flower between his teeth and he stands next to Mrs. Snark then spits the flower out) (Van Dyke reaches into his pocket and give a tissue to Mrs. Snark)
(he and Stella switch places) Aramis, my sword! (Nick tosses the sword to Joe and he catches it) Ahh!
(wiping her tears with a tissue) It's better than "Cats."
We'll return at dawn, my love. (he walks over to Kevin and Nick)
NJNick, Joe, and Kevin
(Kevin and Nick take out their swords then the three of them raised their swords together) One for all, and all for one!
Kevin
And a leather pouch for my turkey leg!
Kevin
What's up, Macy? How'd the basketball game go? (he puts his turkey leg away)
Kevin
Did you get struck by lightning?
Kevin
Good. Then my lucky boot worked.
(sits next to him) Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. (she takes out Kevin's boot from her bag) Boots, charms--they're not good luck. It is talent and hard work that helped me win all my awards and trophies.
Kevin
Oh, okay. So then you're not gonna want this cheesy little #1 charm on the stairs this morning?
Actually, I don't. (thunder rumbles)
Here's your boot. (she gives the boot back to Kevin)
Kevin
Here's your charm! (he gives the charm to Macy)
Kevin
Ahh!
(talks on the phone) She's not my girlfriend! I don't even know Fiona Skye! Yes, and that's for the record. (hangs up the phone then talks on on the phone again) Hello? Now they're calling from "Celebrity Dirt." No, Fiona and I are not involved in any way. Why are all these reporters asking about Fiona Skye. Who is she? (asks Kevin)
Kevin
She was in that horror film "Screaming till You Die Screaming" or "Crying till you Die Crying." Either way, it was horrible. I remember being there and laughing till I died laughing. Yeah, 'cause I... laughed.
I don't know her! Leave me alone! Oh! I'm sorry, little boy. Don't cry. You have the wrong number. I just made a little boy cry. (he tells Kevin that Joe yelled at the boy on the cellphone)
Hey, nice shot of you and Fiona with your arms around each other. (Nick slides down the pole while holding the cellphone and walks to the kitchen counter to give it to Joe then he sees the photo of him and Fiona hugging)
I don't remember this. Wait a minute. (he has a flashback of him, Kevin and Nick walking into the theater then Fiona Skye walks up to him)
Hold the door, handsome. (she puts her arm around Joe and he takes off his sunglasses)
I don't get it. (Nick takes back his cellphone from Joe) What's the big deal? She put her arm around me for one picture. A million of girls have done that... and every one special. (his teeth dings) (Kevin and Nick look at Joe) Seriously. (breaking the fourth wall)
(enters while holding the magazine and Nick reaches for his phone) (Tom walks to Joe) Hey, looks like somebody's got a new dance partner, a new boo, a new shorty.
The only shorty in my life is Frankie.
It says here you're so crazy about Fiona Skye you gave her a diamond necklace. (reads the magazine)
Well, there's a picture of you giving her a diamond necklace. (holds the magazine)
(exits and picks up Fiona's diamond necklace) Did somebody lose a necklace?
(exits then Joe gives back the necklace) Oh, thanks, gorgeous! You're my hero.
This is ridiculous. It was her necklace. I'm just the gorgeous hero who picked it up.
I wouldn't worry about it, you know another day or two. This'll disappear from all the magazines and all the blogs. (phone chirps) (takes out the phone out of his blazer) And all the vlogs (phone beeps) and all tweets.
(she is keeping an eye out for Fiona and Paolo while Joe hides his face behind his history book and Kevin also his face hides but for no reason) Coast is clear.
(closes the book) I can't do this anymore. I just read a whole page of my history book. She's driving me crazy.
(walks up to Joe) Really? According to this blog, you guys have secret nicknames for each other. You call her "Fifi" and she calls you "Pookins".
Kevin
I cannot believe they printed that. Now, they're not secret anymore. Now you gotta find--
There are no nicknames. She's making it all up to help her career. I just wish there was a way we could get rid of her.
You know, Joe, if you need help getting rid of this girl, I could always talk to her. (slams locker loudly)
And by talk, you mean rip her hair out.
If by hair, you mean those cheap extensions?
Kevin
Why can't we just ask Big Man to help?
Yeah, that's a great idea. (Big Man is carrying her away)
No, put me down! Put me down right now!
"How JONAS picks up girls."
Kevin
Yeah, why does Joe have to be such a media magnet.
Joe I can't help it. It's the curse of the cool.
Wait a minute. That's it. If Fiona thinks being connected to you makes her look cool, then what if you weren’t cool?
Hey, what's up? But I am.
Okay, can we move past this part.
What if Fiona thought you were so uncool that it actually made her look bad to be seen with you.
Yeah yeah yeah, she wouldn't be interested at all.
Joe She'd run for the hills.
Nick Exactly. (Joe, Nick and Stella walk away)
Kevin
So we know she lives in the hills. (follows Joe, Nick and Stella)
Jonas · 237 quotes
