JAG quotes

Hello, Admiral. Nice to know you're alive.

You don't expect me to return that compliment, do you?

You have access to a lot of places for a Special Assistant to an Undersecretary of State.

I am a Special Assistant to State. Sometimes.

And other times?

I do other things. Doesn't everybody in Washington?

We're running out of time, here, son.

Three minutes if you're right about Osbourne only giving us a half hour, Admiral.

How the hell do you do that, Major?

I don't really know, sir, but I'm never off by more than 30 seconds.

What is that?

It's a cell phone, sir!

I know that! What's it doing up here?!

Does that mean you're not mad at me anymore, sir?

I was never mad at you, Bud! It's Mac that's always complaining about you!

Annie Pendry

Don't worry, I still have faith in you. You're basically good material.

Basically?

Annie Pendry

Well, I mean, if you were perfect, don't you think you would have fallen in love by now?

I'm working on it. (reaches out to stroke her hair)

Annie Pendry

Is that why you come here? Because you think we need you?

At first, yeah. But, somewhere along the way I stopped coming just to check in on you.

Annie Pendry

Harm, I don't want to start something for the wrong reasons. You just do more damage than good when you leave.

Then maybe I shouldn't leave.

Annie Pendry

No, you have to.

Why?

Annie Pendry

Because I want you to stay!

Well, now I know I'm confused.

Hell, Lieutenant, looks like your luck's changing.

I thought you didn't believe in luck, sir.

Only the good kind. Well, Lieutenant, I'd fly with you anytime. You're untouchable.

Objection. Your honor, the prosecution has just gone from speculation to fantasy.

If you have some evidence I should know about...

You'll eventually get it, and then you can plea bargain.

In your dreams, Commander.

Oh, you don't want to be in my dreams, Major.

Red light, Commander.

Red light? There was nothing sexual in what I said, and if you think there was, then maybe, I should give you the red light.

Commander, you gave it your best and came up short. When you grasp for straws like that letter, maybe its time to punch out.

Punching out is the last thing a pilot ever wants to do. People think you get in trouble, pull the magic handle, and float safely to the ground? Every time you punch out you end up an inch shorter.

No problem, Commander, you've got a few inches to spare.

Takes a big man to admit he's wrong, Commander.

Well, I don't know about being a big man. But I was wrong.

You're damn right you were wrong. My son died for his country. You tried to take that away from me.

He didn't die for his country, Chief. He died for you.

(chuckles) What's that supposed to mean?

Your son was HIV positive.

What?

And he couldn't admit that to you. Or that he was a homosexual. So rather than face you, he stood up into Chief Connors' line of fire.

(disbelieving look)

Congratulations on your son's Navy cross, Chief.

You earned it.

Cute does not work on me, Harm.

I wasn't being cute. I was being funny.

Yeah, like the way you fired that H&K in court?

Well, I thought it was pretty funny when you ducked under the table.

I'm a Marine, Harm. Marines don't duck.

What do Marines do?

They take cover, but they never duck.

[After entering] Sir, Lieutenant Elizabeth Hawkes, sir. CAG asked me to give you these.

I'm Major MacKenzie JAG Corps.

Everyone aboard knows who your are ma'am. [They both shake hands]

I'm interested why you two took part in Crossing the Line ceremony.

Same thing all the women were, important to be one of the guys.

Were you improperly touched or sexually harassed?

Not so far as noticed.

Do you feel you were singled out because of your sex?

No Sir.

Even when you were forced to danced with Lieutenant Issacs?

The only problem was we both wanted to lead. They treated everyone pretty bad.

Let me ask you a hypothetical question. What would you have done if someone had grabbed you?

A woman who can't handle some grab-ass jerk doesn't belong in the Navy.

Thank you, Lieutenant.

Skates, ma'am, that's what they all call me.

Skates?

Grew up on wheels. Permission to speak freely ma'am, sir? [pause] For a woman to be 'one of the guys', sometimes she has to be willing to give up somethings of herself. You know, be less of a woman. Sometimes it sucks.

So the question is, why should she have to be 'one of the guys'?

You look nice. Uh, I'm sorry, I did not mean that.

Ens. Harriet Sims

So you don't think I look nice?

Well, I just don't know if it was appropriate to say. I outrank you, and I may have inadvertently uttered a yellow-light remark.

Ens. Harriet Sims

You have an ulterior motive, Lieutenant?

No! I don't think I do.

Ens. Harriet Sims

Then I'll choose to believe you were sincere.