It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia · Season 7, Episode 3
“Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties” · Season 7, Episode 3
In this episode: Frank Reynolds (2), Charlie Kelly (1), Sweet Dee Reynolds (1), Artemis (1)
We gotta write a song about how we do not diddle kids! (singing) "Do not diddle kids! It's no good diddling kids!"
Mac (annoyed): There is no quicker way for people to think that you're diddling kids than by writing a song about it!
You gotta write a song like:
I wouldn't do it with anyone younger than my daughter, no little kids, gotta be big, older than my wife, older than my wife, something like that... (Charlie looks at Mac, as if to say, "Should I? 'Cause I have an idea...")
Mac (annoyed): Don't write a song about that.
[Frank backstage with mortician]
I can't figure this tie out here. [microphone feedback]
[over speakers] I got...I got a question about you morticians. You bang the dead bodies?
Mm...no.
Imagine stuff like that goes on all time, right? [chuckles] I mean, I don't give a shit. If I was dead, you could bang me all you want. Who cares? [audience gasps] Dead body's like a piece of trash. I mean, shove as much shit in there as you want.
Turn his mic down.
I'm trying! I don't know! I don't know how!
You don't know how?
I don't know which one it is!
...fill me up with cream. Turn me into cannoli...
What's going on, you idiot?
[Indistinct talking]
...make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a shit? You're dead, you're dead. Oh! Ooh, shit. Is my mic on?
Oh, God.
[Frank rushes back to the stage]
[chuckles] Oh! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. [audience jeering] That was a mistake. The janitor got a hold of the P.A. system. Puerto Rican guy. [audience murmuring]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
