RMRobot Mom
Honey is it?
RDRobot Dad
Yep....Diarrhea "[groans]"
S1 E2Parent Teacher Night
SZSmeet Zim
[hugs a robot arm] I love you cold, unfeeling robot arm!
Do we have to go right now? I wanna watch The Scary Monkey Show.
[darkly] That monkey...
Where is our house?
Um... There... No, no, wait... It's over there...
How could you not know?! I just upgraded your guidance system!
Oh. I left that at home.
You left what at home?
The guidy chippy thingy.
You! Why would you do that?!?
To make room for the cupcake!
Be alert GIR. On this planet, we are surrounded by danger and MADNESS!
Ooh, I like madness!
By using these pieces of scrap metal, I shall fashion a compass, using this planet's own magnetic field against it. Now! Witness the power of my compass!
[The compass magnetically attaches itself to GIR's chest]
Awww, it likes me!
GIR : [Reads logo off bus] What...about...the bus?
[to bus driver] You expect me to pay to ride this filthy machine? Have you the brain worms?!
Are we gonna ride the sun home?
No, GIR, the earth sun sets in the west. Staring at it should give me our relative position. Now watch me amaze you. [Stares at the sun until his eyes burn and crust over] Wait a minute... I'M BLIND!!!! [runs around screaming, with GIR giggling and chasing him] They've booby-trapped their sun somehow!!
[to cab driver] You think I wont be ready, but you're wrong, presumptuous cab beast! I have prepared myself for this moment and it has paid off in full! You see, the Invaders learn from their mistakes, however rare they may be! Now human, take me to [thinks for a moment then points in a random direction] that way, and quickly! In case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to go home!
When you were my students, I said you'd amount to nothing. And I was right, you're NOTHING!
[walking up to his RoboParents with the Slunchy family; to Billy] So, what's going on?
BBilly
[disgruntled with his mother] My mom won't shut up about me! It's really embarrassing.
MMongo
At least she's not showing the pictures.
SMrs. Slunchy
Ooh, and you just gotta see these pictures. [pulls a bunch of pictures from her wallet] Now here's Billy crying when he was kicked off the soccer team for crying too much. [giggles, making Billy cry]
RRoboMom
Grass stains sure are tough to get out of those soccer uniforms.
Sports aren't everything. I'm sure your boy will find... something he's good at.
TTed
That's true. Hey! [turns around and holds out a plate of cookies Mrs. Slunchy made] Try one of these cookies! My wife made them!
Thanks, Ted! (Don't mind if I do.) [takes a cookie and eats it, but he then clutches his stomach in pain]
RRoboMom
Oh, no. Honey, is it…
Yup! Diarrhea…!
RRoboMom
I have just the thing for that! [splashes a cup of punch into RoboDad's face, and he wheels backwards into a wall; turns to Mrs. Slunchy] Who does your hair? [starts poking her in the face so hard, leaving marks]
[Mrs. Slunchy starts screaming and the crowd watches as Zim looks shocked]
Mom, I think we should go home now!
RRoboMom
[stops poking Mrs. Slunchy and turns to him] Don't tell me what to do, young man. You go to your room! [picks Zim up and drops him in a bowl of punch, then wheels away]
[Zim hops out of the bowl in annoyance, then Dib splashes a cup of punch on him, and hides it behind his back, acting innocently as Gaz snickers]
[eating a donut and drinking some punch; then points to Zim and his RoboParents for the crowd to see] LOOK, EVERYONE, LOOK!
[The crowd is gathered around an unconscious Mrs. Slunchy after being repeatedly poked by RoboMom as Billy and Mongo sob]
WWoman
Can't you see this woman is suffering from severe pokie trauma?!
[after Zim and his RoboParents fly away while giving him a nasty grin] Let me guess… [turns around] nobody saw that, right? [the crowd is still looking away from him, then throws his cup of punch on the floor in frustration]
HHugh
[noticing] Hey! That kid's throwing punch!
[Ms. Bitters slithers through the crowd and materializes in front of Dib, hissing angrily at him]
S1 E3Bestest Friend
I'm looking for a friend. Would you be-
DDirge
I was born with webbed fish toes. Like some kind of...horrible fish boy. Wanna see?
I want to congratulate you, Keef, on a job well done. You have been a most convincing friend, but now that the world seems satisfied with my knack for companionship, I don't think I'll be requiring your services any longer. Our mission together is done, [salutes briefly] good job soldier, be gone with you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Invader Zim pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.