Mary Shannon quotes from In Plain Sight

Marshall

I brought you coffee and a bagel.

Mary

You suck.

Marshall

Excuse me? Aw, are you still on the juice fast? Aren't you crabby enough without adding Spirulina to the mix?

Mary

Bite me. I'm trying to do something healthy for a change.

Marshall

Why?

Mary

Why? How about because being healthy is better than not being healthy.

Marshall

It doesn't suit you. It seems oddly out of character. Kind of unsettling.

Mary

Did you ever stop to think that what's in character for me isn't working for me? I'm 35-ish, I don't have a boyfriend, I live by myself, I go to work, come home, go to work. Is it so beyond the realm of reason that I want just a little bit more from my life, or is that just too much for you to wrap your little pea-brain around?

Marshall

I've gotta believe this is the Spirulina talking.

Mary

Got three bedrooms. Check this out. One is my bedroom. One is my office and the other is I have no idea. How great is that? I have got an entire room with no defined purpose. I can fill it with Corn Flakes if I wanted.

Marshall

I'm not sure this neighborhood is zoned for Corn Flakes but an intriguing notion none the less.

Mary

Okay then. Sand. I can fill it with sand. Better yet, bullets. You can never have too many bullets. That's my bullet room. I have a bullet room.

Marshall

Well, as long as it's something practical.

Marshall

Why don't you go on home?

Mary

Nope.

Marshall

I don't get it. So what if your mom showed up unannounced. She just wanted to surprise you.

Mary

There are two kinds of surprises, Marshall: birthday and Pearl Harbor. Guess which category the "mom surprise" falls under? It doesn't matter. I hate them both.

Marshall

Well you can't stay here forever.

Mary

No, but I think I can do a week. I bet if I don't show up for a week she'll run out of food and booze and leave.

Mary

Wow. It looks like somebody kicked the crap out of you.

You hit like a girl.

Mary

Thanks, you too.

Let's not start accusing people until we have the proper evidence.

Mary

Wow. Talk about the cop calling the kettle black. [beat] That's funny. That never sounded racist until now. My bad.

Mary

He thinks he's got a shot with me.

Marshall

[Speaking to their witness] You have no shot. In fact, Joe Stalin's rotting corpse has a better chance of getting into her bryuki than you do.

Mary

Aw. You can be so sweet sometimes. [leaves the room]

You know, her words say nyet, but her eyes say maybe not nyet.

Marshall

She would use you like a swizzle stick.

Mary

Tasha's so excited for me to meet her new boyfriend. It's really sweet. Oh, God. I hope we didn't miss him. I don't know why I'm always late with her.

Marshall

Habitual lateness most often manifests in people with control issues.

Mary

Oh, God.

Marshall

By arriving late on scheduled appointments you cause the person with whom the appointment was made to wait, for you, thereby controlling his or her behavior. Classic passive aggressive pathology.

Mary

When have you ever known me to be passive about anything?

Mary

[to Marshall] I love you like an eight dollar whore.

Marshall

[smiles] I'm sure you mean that in a good way.

Marshall

SwifferMuseum.com. Why? How? Why?

Mary

What about KnittingWholesale.com? Maybe he's trying to lure old women into the lurid world of cross-stitching.

Marshall

CowsAreEvil.com.

Mary

Undeniable.

Marshall

OverstockedPradaLeather.com.

Mary

What? What was that last one?

Marshall

Kidding.

Mary

Bastard.

Jinx

Mary. Oh, Sweetheart. I didn't know. But... To be fair, you make it impossible for people to know. Y-y-you come home and say y-you're fine... You're just a little tired... Which is pretty much how you come home everynight. How are people supposed to know what you're going through?

Mary

People aren't. Why does everyone have to know what everyone else is going through? It seems intrusive.

Jinx

Sharing the details of our lives... Is how we connect to the world.

Mary

The world is full of assholes. Why would I want to connect with that?

Jinx

Oh, honey... You don't have to open up to the whole world. You just have to open up with someone.

Jinx

That first week after he left, you were so distraught. You thought it was your fault. That you had done something to make him go away. I just wanted to make you feel better. I made up this story about how you were daddy's favorite. How he loved you the most, and you had this special bond that couldn't be broken no matter how far away he was. The truth is, he loved you like he loved the rest of us. No more, no less. I'm sorry we were lying to you then, and I'm sorry about having to tell you the truth now. But I thought you would eventually realize what a fairytale this all was.

Mary

Oh, mom. That must have been so hard for you. Wait. I want to share something with you. Stay there. [Leaves the room]

Jinx

[To Brandi] I needed to do that. It was necessary.

Brandi

I think it's good that she heard it.

Mary

Sorry, you don't get to rewrite history. [Puts wooden box on the table]

Brandi

What's that?

Mary

Open it.

Jinx

What are these?

Mary

Letters I've received from daddy over the last twenty years or so. How many has he sent you guys?

Mary

[Det. Dershowitz and Marshall hugged] What the hell was that?

Marshall

We bonded over your near death experience.

Mary

And you became black in the process?

Honorary

Marshall

It's very exciting.

Mary

[sarcastically] I'll bet.

Mary

Actually I'm in a really good mood... which is kind weird if you consider where I was 48-hours ago; and then I have a witness off herself; and if that's not bad enough I have to play second fiddle to a guy like you.

Marshall

Thanks for lumping me in with kidnapping, attempted rape, and suicide, can't tell you how much that means.

So do you like any of them for this?

Marshall

It's hard to find a motive for murder. I suppose any of them could have assisted.

Mary

When I kill my mother there will be no doubt as to who did it.

Mary

Second bottle, mom?

Jinx

For those keeping score.

Mary

[To Marshall] Second bottle is the ironic Jinx. You want to be gone by number three.

Marshall

Say no more, and you go to bed.

Mary

Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, I'm fine.

Marshall

I know, and you need to remember that. Whatever's happening inside your head needs to happen. Now just let it flow. Be the river.

Mary

Don't be a retard. I can't be the river.

Marshall

You can be the river!

Mary

Okay, but not today. Tomorrow I'll be the river.

Marshall

That a girl.