Mary Shannon quotes from In Plain Sight

Mary

Man, oh, man, O'Connor. You FBI guys. I've been on the job for five years. I don't even have a cubicle. You've been in town, what, six minutes? You have a private office? Now how is that fair? By the way, I was just wondering when you think I can expect a crew at my house to fix your mess.

Actually, I was just going to call you about that. I'm looking into the first of week of when hell freezes over. Does that work for you? Because if not I can reschedule.

Mary

No, that's about what I expected. Yeah, so in the meantime I'll just store some of my stuff here. [Dumps a box full of sheetrock and insulation on O'Connor's desk] Does that work for you?

Mary

Okay, you know what, Eleanor? I've tried to be nice. Cut you some slack because you're new, but this is it. I've had it.

Eleanor

I'm sorry, when was it that you tried to to be nice? I must have missed that.

Mary

Yeah, probably because nothing can penetrate that helmet of hairspray and noxious cloud of perfume surrounding you.

Eleanor

Excuse me.

Mary

What?!

Eleanor

Inspector, certain other persons around here might be afraid of you, walk on egg shells. God forbid anyone should upset her highness, but I'm not one of them. You are a bully and you're spoiled and for some reason you have been given a pass on rude behavior, but I won't put up with it. It's unacceptable.

Mary

You think I give a rat's ass what you will or won't put up with, Eleanor?

Marshall

Amnesia, huh?

Mary

Don't you dare laugh.

Marshall

I would never. Although, it is surprising this hasn't happened before, considering how many people would like to forget they ever met you.

Mary

Took you a long time to think of that one, didn't it?

Marshall

Almost an hour.

Mary

I want you both to promise to shoot me in the head if I ever have three kids.

Marshall

Yeah, all right.

Stan

Okay.

Mary

Thanks.

You are a Godsend.

Mary

That's what I keep telling everyone.

Peter

Where's your partner? The nice one?

Mary

I don't know. I think he's avoiding you.

Mary

Tripp, you know this act won't last. Okay, the other night? That was your future. As soon as this new guy bails dash.

It doesn't matter. I'm not going to walk out on them. I know she's a wreck, but she's got to have somebody to come home to or all falls apart.

Mary

Wait. Okay, so you're going to destroy your life so your mother has a shoulder to cry on? Please, please, please don't do this. It's not worth it. In the end she'll resent you for it. Trust me, I've been there. I'm still there.

I'm not you. This is different. I'm different.

Mary

Really? How so? Name one way that this is different. That your situation is different from mine?

It's different because I have you.

Lewis Ford

[sees Mary climbing down the tower of rubble towards him] Mary!

Mary

No, no, don't get up. God forbid you show some manners.

Lewis Ford

You need to get outta here!

Mary

Again with the manners? I'm not here 30 seconds, you're kickin' me out! What, were you raised by guinea pigs? [slips and falls down the rubble] Okay, okay, I might have just soiled myself.

Lewis Ford

[wincing in pain] Don't make me laugh!

Mary

So this is your new place? [slowly makes her way towards Lewis, who's buried in rubble] It's very industrial retro.

Lewis Ford

Where's my housewarming gift?

Mary

I never did get why when someone buys a new house you're supposed to buy them a present. I mean, why not just put a tip jar by the door?

Lewis Ford

Thanks for coming, but you need to get outta here, the whole building's gonna come down.

Mary

Quit being such a drama queen Lewis, we'll both be outta here in no time. You should see the show out there. [finally arrives at Lewis's side] So, you know, where's it hurt? I mean, other than everywhere?

Mary

[grabbing a medical bag that the doctor has thrown down] Please God let there be a ham sandwich in that bag. Okay Doc, walk me through this.

Before you do anything, you need to put on a pair of surgical gloves.

Mary

No glove, no love.

You're not allergic to latex, are you?

Mary

If I had a nickel for every time I've been asked that question...

Lewis Ford

If I wasn't dying, you'd be funny.

Mary

You're not dying. This was all just a ruse to get me to play doctor.

Lewis Ford

What would you do if your partner committed a crime? What would you do? Answer the question, Mary.

Mary

I would stand by him. No matter what, because that's what partners do. You said it yourself: At the end of the day, all that matters you and your partner. You turned on your partner. The second things got ugly, Lewis. The one constant that gets me through it all, the only reason that makes it okay for me to be up here with a worm like you, is I have a partner who has my back, 24/7, no matter what. ... Oh, and Marshall, for the record, I'd sell you out for a Twinkie.

Mary

The world has alcohol in it. This weekend is about her learning to live with it.

Brandi

This weekend is about us being supportive and reconnecting with her.

Mary

God, this weekend is gonna blow.

Jinx

[to Brandi, regarding her date with Peter] Where's he taking you?

Brandi

Um, I don't know, I think it's a football game. The Governer's Bowl?

Jinx

The Governor's Ball?

Brandi

[shrugs] Maybe.

Jinx

Monkey! Monkey, the Governor's Ball is the biggest social event of the season!

Brandi

What?! Get out!

Mary

And it's all happening here at Barbie's Dream House!

Marshall

[Speaking of Rabbi Garfinkle] How did he know to have her in Albuquerque?

Mary

He's got magical powers. It's the only explanation.

Marshall

So how are things with Jinx?

Mary

Weird.

Marshall

She drinking?

Mary

No, not as far as I can tell. She actually seems to be trying pretty hard not to.

Marshall

And that's a problem because...?

Mary

Because eventually she will.

Marshall

Eventually we're all gonna get sick and die. It doesn't mean you can't...

Mary

Make hay while the sun shines ?

Marshall

Yeah. Less trite. Why don't you talk to the rabbi about it ?

Mary

You're my rabbi.

Marshall

L'chaim.

Mary

Gesundheidt. Silly wabbi. Come on. Say it.

Marshall

Kicks are for trids.

Mary

[to Stan] If you go to jail, he becomes my boss, and then I have to kill myself.

Marshall

Thanks. I appreciate that.