Peter Alpert quotes from In Plain Sight

Peter

Where's your partner? The nice one?

Mary

I don't know. I think he's avoiding you.

Peter

Look, before I got sober, my life was a series of self implosions. Every time I got within sight of something I really wanted, I'd throw a landmine in my own path to make sure I never achieved it. And I just think that you need someone to help you avoid your own landmines, to help you believe you deserve some of those things that you really want.

Brandi

Oh and you think you are one of those things that I really want, Mr. Conceited?

Peter

Why wouldn't I be? I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm quite a catch.

Mary

[stroking a car] Oh, man, it's the same color!

Marshall

Angry aubergine.

Peter

I searched for it far and wide. Found it at a used car dealer in Resolute, Kentucky. The dealer didn't want to sell it because he said he believed in God and he was sure it was a sin to make money off this, and I'm quoting, chariot of Satan.

Marshall

It has one hundred and forty thousand miles on it!!

Mary

It's road tested. Durable!

Marshall

Or as seen through another lens, a candidate for the junkyard!

Peter

Look, Mary, there's no reason for you to regress back into a Probe. Let me put you into a new loaner.

Mary

The only reason I'm back in the loaner is because of Mr. Headroom, here.

Marshall

The Probe is a known situation that is deeply flawed.

Mary

Or, seen through another lens, bite me.

Peter

So you ducking Brandi...

Mary

She sent you to what? To spy on me?

Peter

No, this is a solo mission, but it's all starting to make sense. She doesn't know about your...

Mary

Growth Spurt, no, and now you're running around like some sort of munch kin P.I. because Brandi thinks I'm mad at her?

Peter

Pretty much.

Mary

And you're here of your own volition? She has no know ledge?

Peter

None.

Mary

Sneaking around. Keeping secrets. Going behind my sister's back? This brother-in-law thing could work for me. I could milk this. No jokes. None.