Eleanor Prince quotes from In Plain Sight

Eleanor

Can I get you anything, chief?

Stan

Um, no. No, thank you.

Eleanor

Sir, you didn't do anything wrong. They were both out of line.

Stan

Mrs. Prince. When I came into this office ten years ago I had twice as many inspectors handling half as many witnesses and it was still too many, which is why I'm so grateful you're here. I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but when I want an opinion on matters of my inspectors, I'll ask. Okay?

Eleanor

Are you sure I can't get you anything?

Stan

Yeah, a cup of coffee would be great.

Mary

Okay, you know what, Eleanor? I've tried to be nice. Cut you some slack because you're new, but this is it. I've had it.

Eleanor

I'm sorry, when was it that you tried to to be nice? I must have missed that.

Mary

Yeah, probably because nothing can penetrate that helmet of hairspray and noxious cloud of perfume surrounding you.

Eleanor

Excuse me.

Mary

What?!

Eleanor

Inspector, certain other persons around here might be afraid of you, walk on egg shells. God forbid anyone should upset her highness, but I'm not one of them. You are a bully and you're spoiled and for some reason you have been given a pass on rude behavior, but I won't put up with it. It's unacceptable.

Mary

You think I give a rat's ass what you will or won't put up with, Eleanor?

Eleanor

I'm the new office administrator.

You have my deepest sympathy.

Eleanor

Clearly, I committed war crimes in a past life.

Mary

The comedy stylings of Dull and Duller!

Marshall

So, Brandi finally dates someone respectable, and she wants to dump him?

Mary

Respectable and rich. Let's not forget rich, that's the best part.

Stan

Respectable and rich do not the relationship make.

Mary

True.

Eleanor

Nice ass doesn't hurt. [everyone stares at her] Didn't mean to say that out loud, actually.

Eleanor

Why are all these files stapled shut?

Mary

Sorry, I couldn't help myself. It's the Fliegler, it's so damn powerful.

Marshall

She had the same problem with her gun when she first started.

Eleanor

Goodnight.

Marshall

Night!

Mary

Leaving so early? What? Hot date? Bend your man to your Mrs. Robinson, yearning to be schooled in the ways of love?

Eleanor

Don't I wish. Unfortunately, just me and the Tivo tonight.

Mary

Excellent, then you can help me with some research.

Eleanor

How did I not see that coming?

Mary

Why weren't we told he had a son? Yeah and the Dog ate my homework. Listen numb-nuts I don't think you're seeing the big picture here. Your conviction relies on the testimony of a witness who lost his home, his friends, his job, and now thanks to your ineptitude, his son. But here's the part you should really be focusing on come trial time brings me ball punching distance to you...Yeah good idea. You look into it. [hangs up] Idiot.

Mary

What's this?

Stan

While you were verbally spanking the future ex-governor of Illinois, I obtained a copy of the paperwork he sent to Ed's wife.

Mary

So there was paperwork filed.

Eleanor

Would you like me to get him on the phone so that you can apologize or just send a card?

Mary

No, let's go with the card this time. [to Stan] Hey, look no there's no signature. It never went through.

Stan

Oh, it happens sometimes, just have to track her down and get her sign it.

Eleanor

So cancel the card?

Mary

Yeah, think so.

Eleanor

So what's the big deal? It's just a friendly salutation like, "Hey hon, can you bring me the forms we filed?"

Mary

Oh, I see. [to Marshall] Like when you call me "Snuggles," or when Stan refers to you as his "Butterscotch Stallion."

Mary

Why do you always side with him?

Eleanor

Because his decisions aren't predicated upon flapjack availability.

Mary

I'd say that is a weakness.

Marshall

Engagement party?

Mary

Yeah, Raph's mother dropped by for a surprise visit. She thinks we're engaged.

Eleanor

Ah poor woman, must be wracked with grief.

Can you imagine seeing your mother being killed like that right in front of you?

Mary

[wistfully] Yeah.

Eleanor

Jesus Moreno is here.

Mary

Thanks, send him in.

Eleanor

Will do. Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, tea?

Coffee with cream would be great, thanks.

Eleanor

Coming right up. Mary?

Mary

What?

Eleanor

Would you like some coffee?

Mary

You're feeling guilty about that "wracked with grief" comment aren't you?

Eleanor

Little bit.

Mary

Don't go soft on me.

Marshall

If some guy bought you two $10,000 bags wouldn't you tell your best girl friend all about it?

Mary

C'mon Eleanor, man up.

Eleanor

Mary doesn't have a best girl friend.

Mary

Doesn't that feel better?

Mary

[to Stan] You saddle me with this task, I swear I'll quit.

Eleanor

Sounds like a win/win to me, chief.

Mary

Everyone says I'm the mean one. I'm not. It's her.

Eleanor

You think I'm mean? [Mary shrugs] I'm not! I was just ... kidding. I thought that was our thing!

Mary

So disappointing. See, just when I thought you were ready to step up your game.

Eleanor

You really are the devil's minion.

Mary

[Watches Eleanor pour a cup of coffee] What's in that?

Eleanor

Coffee.

Mary

Yeah, right. [Pours it in a potted plant]

Marshall

She's got you spooked, doesn't she?

Mary

A little bit.

Marshall

It's fun to watch.

Eleanor

How'd the video shoot go?

Mary

Great. It was just a really long day.

Eleanor

Tom called. Stan knows you got kicked off the set.

Mary

Well, fine. It was the one time I actually didn't cross the line. Everything I said needed saying.

Eleanor

You know what your problem is? You've got integrity. The world hates integrity.

Mary

You're screwing with me, right?

Eleanor

Not this time.

Mary

You want a cookie?

Eleanor

Ooh, Snickerdoodle!

Eleanor

[rescuing Marshall's finger] The hardest part is the knuckle. It's sort of like the baby's shoulders in the birthing process.

Mary

Ugh. You have any idea what that makes my ring!