Stan McQueen quotes from In Plain Sight

Stan

[speaking of Mary] Yes, Mr. Mayor, I'm still here. Why is she there? Well, Mr. Mayor, she assessed the situation and took a quick, calculated risk and put her life on the line. Quite frankly, sir, no one else had the balls.

Mary

How many times a week do people tell you you suck?

Are you going to let her speak to me like this?

Stan

It seems like a valid question.

Marshall

What's going on, Stan?

Stan

Her name is Eleanor Prince. She was the administrator to the FBI HQ in Phoenix for eight years. Her husband was a field agent and got killed last year in an auto accident.

Marshall

You realize Mary is going to have a problem with this.

Stan

It crossed my mind. You have to get her to accept Eleanor.

Marshall

Shall I teach her to levitate while I'm at it? Come on. You know Mary doesn't like new people.

Eleanor

Can I get you anything, chief?

Stan

Um, no. No, thank you.

Eleanor

Sir, you didn't do anything wrong. They were both out of line.

Stan

Mrs. Prince. When I came into this office ten years ago I had twice as many inspectors handling half as many witnesses and it was still too many, which is why I'm so grateful you're here. I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but when I want an opinion on matters of my inspectors, I'll ask. Okay?

Eleanor

Are you sure I can't get you anything?

Stan

Yeah, a cup of coffee would be great.

Mary

I want you both to promise to shoot me in the head if I ever have three kids.

Marshall

Yeah, all right.

Stan

Okay.

Mary

Thanks.

Marshall

So, Brandi finally dates someone respectable, and she wants to dump him?

Mary

Respectable and rich. Let's not forget rich, that's the best part.

Stan

Respectable and rich do not the relationship make.

Mary

True.

Eleanor

Nice ass doesn't hurt. [everyone stares at her] Didn't mean to say that out loud, actually.

Mary

Why weren't we told he had a son? Yeah and the Dog ate my homework. Listen numb-nuts I don't think you're seeing the big picture here. Your conviction relies on the testimony of a witness who lost his home, his friends, his job, and now thanks to your ineptitude, his son. But here's the part you should really be focusing on come trial time brings me ball punching distance to you...Yeah good idea. You look into it. [hangs up] Idiot.

Mary

What's this?

Stan

While you were verbally spanking the future ex-governor of Illinois, I obtained a copy of the paperwork he sent to Ed's wife.

Mary

So there was paperwork filed.

Eleanor

Would you like me to get him on the phone so that you can apologize or just send a card?

Mary

No, let's go with the card this time. [to Stan] Hey, look no there's no signature. It never went through.

Stan

Oh, it happens sometimes, just have to track her down and get her sign it.

Eleanor

So cancel the card?

Mary

Yeah, think so.

She better get back before night.

Stan

Why? What happens at night?

It gets dark.

Marshall

It was a bad neighborhood; a bad situation from the get go. The witness should never have been allowed to move there. Mary should never have been put in that position: managing a witness over whom she had no authority!

Stan

I know; I know. I shouldn't have allowed it.

Marshall

I should have stayed; I saw what was going on there. It just -- didn't occur to me.

Stan

Why would it? It's Mary. She's like -- [sighs] I don't know.

Marshall

I know.

Stan

Fierce, you know? Like she's always gonna be the toughest dog in a fight.

Marshall

Boxers call it "the air of invincibility".

Stan

That's exactly it.

Marshall

All great fighters have it.

Stan

Yeah.

Marshall

Right up until the minute they're beaten. [dissolves into sobs again]

Your inspector screwed the pooch. I gave her one job; that was it. One job! I'm telling you: when I get done with her --

Stan

[interrupts Day and manhandles him into empty room] Yeah, what are ya gonna do, huh? What are you gonna do? Huh? Go ahead, say it. Go ahead, say one more word. Say it. Open your mouth again, you moron! My inspector almost got killed! She may not make it because of your stupidity, because against our advice, you allowed that woman to move into the worst neighborhood in Albuquerque! I've already filed a complaint, asshole. Go ahead. Go ahead, please. Open your mouth again. I swear I'll bounce your head off every wall in this frickin hospital! Say it! Go ahead!

Mary

Wow, Stan. Opening day at Ascot?

Stan

I have a meeting with Allison Pearson.

Marshall

The newly appointed U.S. Marshall for our district.

Mary

Right! Right, the political hack who licked D.C. butt like a creamsicle so she could tell actual marshals how to do a job she can't comprehend, let alone be in charge of. That Allison Pearson.

Stan

You two are going to be gone all day, right?

Marshall

No, but it's okay. I think your meeting with Allison is tomorrow.

Stan

Is it?

Mary

Oops. That's good! It gives you time to buy the top hat and monocle.

Marshall

Stan, I'm telling you, snap her up.

Stan

Is this some kind of Stockholm syndrome?

Stan

FBI just snagged a big fish: Natalie Vickers, key player and co-conspirator in an interstate mortgage scam.

Mary

Oh, interstate mortgages. That gets me seriously hot. Say it again. Slower.

Stan

I was just with Delia and the others, and across the board they matched Sharon the drug dealer with Sharon the PTA mom. That little beauty mark is killing us.

Marshall

We've got to stop that documentary from airing.

Stan

I was thinking the exact same thing, but not to worry. I got this.

Mary

Cool. John Wayne mode.

Marshall

[smiles] John Wayne mode.

Stan

What? I know a guy.

Mary

[laughs] Ha! Even better! Godfather mode.

Stan

I wear many hats, Mary.

Mary

You wear many hats?! Don't tee up the bald jokes for us, Stan. It takes the fun out of it.

Mary

[answers phone from her home kitchen] Hey, Stan.

Stan

Where are you?

Mary

Burger King.

Stan

Well, grab me a Whopper Jr., no pickles, don't forget to bring your mitt.

Mary

A: get your own Whopper, B: I don't own a mitt, which follows since I don't play softball.

Stan

Mary, it's Marshals versus APD!

Mary

I'm not a team player, Stan, and that's a direct quote from last year's performance appraisal.