Will you ask the Plain White T's to perform on iCarly?
Will you take a digital picture of my back?
Yes!
Then, yes!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
PMrs. Papperman
Nevel! Come kiss Mommy good-bye!
[embarrassed] All right, mother! [to Carly] Better find a new hobby, Carly, 'cause your web show is officially canceled, by me! [he shuts off his telecast]
I hate him.
[turns his telecast back on] I heard that. [turns it off again]
Wow, Freddie, I like seeing you all feisty.
That's the Freddie way.
I thought the Freddie way was a toasted bagel with grape jelly.
That's the Freddie Breakfast Way.
[Nevel's grandma walks in and sees Freddie dangling from the ceiling]
NSNevel's Grandma
Ooh, spider!
[She leaves and gets an umbrella]
Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! We have a situation.
What's wrong?
I think Nevel's grandmother just walked in.
Don't worry, Nevel said she's hopelessly confused.
Okay, we've got the cable hooked up. Now what?
Okay. There's a file on my desktop called VL2.exe. Drag that onto his hard drive.
Okay.
After you do that, just unhook-- [Nevel's grandma walks back in with an umbrella] Hi, there.
NSNevel's Grandma
SPIDER!!
NSNevel's Grandma
Who are you?
We're your... personal trainers.
Come on. Let's do some squat thrusts.
Squat and thrust.
CSCarly and Sam
Ready? Just squat and thrust. One... Two... Three..
[Sam continues to instruct Nevel's Grandma while Carly helps Freddie down]
Sam, let's go.
[Carly, Sam, and Freddie leave while Nevel's Grandma continues to squat thrust while fake-counting]
NSNevel's Grandma
Three. W. Mustard.
Well, better tell Spencer to cancel the Plain White T's.
Oh, man, this bites.
Well, we can't do iCarly as long as Nevel controls our site.
[turns his telecast back on hearing their conversation; tauntingly] So true.
[angrily] Get off my monitor! [angrily walks to the computer, unplugs it, and picks up a phone]
Who are you calling?
You'll see.
You ordering pizza?
[annoyed] No! [Sam sits on the couch]
And now, on iCarly, I will sing a song all about my web cast. [singing in a tone similar to "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"] ♪ I have a web show that I do, it is really bad! ♪
How can this not be infuriating you?!
Just keep watching.
♪ And boring too, it makes people sad! With a boring here and-- ♪ [noticing that military soldiers are in his house] What are you people doing here? I demand a--
CMColonel Morgan
QUIET!
Yes, sir.
Who's that?
A friend of my dad's.
[deeply surprised] You called in the military?
[smugly] I don't play around.
Lamp. Lamp. Lamp!
I think it knows it's a lamp.
No, I want it to turn on. Lamp! Do you need a ride to school?
No, Freddie's mom's gonna drive us. And look what I'm gonna hand in today.
You finished your history report?
No, I finished the greatest history report in the history of history reports.
Nice. So what's it--?
Carly: DON'T TOUCH IT! [Spencer squeals in shock] Sorry, I just have to keep this report looking absolutely perfect. I've never worked harder on anything in my life. And guess what?
What? Lamp! What?
If I get an "A" on this, that means I'll get an "A" for the semester, which means I'll have straight A's on my report card for the first time ever!
I'm very proud of you. [at lamp] Lamp! [annoyed] Gah! Why won't it work?
Let me see the instructions.
Good luck, they're in Japanese.
Well, did you try saying "Lamp" in Japanese?
I did not! How do you say it?
It looks like... "Rampu."
Okay. Rampu. Rampu. RAMPU! [Lamp turns on]
Hey!
It worked!
Yeah, you just got to say it like a really angry Japanese man!
RAMPU! [lamp turns off] Come try! [Carly sits down next to Spencer]
CSCarly and Spencer
[repeatedly] RAMPU! [Freddie walks in and stares at them for a moment, then walks back out slowly]
You gave me a B?! But I thought you said it was the best in the class!
DMr. Devlin
It was. But, it was printed on 3-hole paper, which I despise.
Then just let me re-print it for you, on paper that is completely hole-free!
DMr. Devlin
Reports can only be submitted once. Silly little truffle.
But this means I'll get a B-plus for the semester!
DMr. Devlin
Yes. Congratulations.
[angrily] I'd like to punch three holes in him, that's what I'd like to do.
[walking back to Carly's apartment] Tell you what. on the next iCarly, we tell everyone to go egg Mr. Devlin's house. (Realistically, he'd get angry and he'll hate it.)
Nah, he'd probably like it, 'cause eggs don't have three holes!
I told you not to take his class.
Yes, thank you, Freddie.
Well, if it isn't my straight-A little sister, Carl-ay.
Don't call me "Carl-ay" 'cause I...
To celebrate your straight A's, I'm making you a giant "A" made out of a bunch of smaller A's that I found.
Spencer... -
Your "A" is gonna be huge! And when it's all done... -
I'm not getting straight A's. Mr Devlin gave me a B on my report, even though he said it was flawless.
Why'd you get a B?
Cause I printed it on "three-hole paper".
Mr Devlin's, like, the strictest teacher in school.
Yeah, I know. He used to be lunch room monitor. He gave me detention.
For?
Playing with my fruit.
Listen, it was really cool of you to make this big A for me, but would you mind taking it apart?
Carly...
Seriously, if I'm not gonna get straight A's, then I'd rather not be reminded of... Of what almost was.
Aw, who needs a hug?
Me.
Hey, how do you turn this lamp on?
Rampu!
[Carly jumps]
Hello, Sam.
Mornin', Ted.
[sternly] Sam?
[sarcastically] Good morning, Principal Franklin!
[smiles; not understanding Sam's sarcasm] Thank you. Now, what trouble have you gotten in over the past week?
Let's see. I got yelled at by Ms Briggs for getting an "F" on a quiz.
Why did you fail the quiz?
I didn't know the answers.
Right. Anything else?
Ooh! I got kicked out of the cafeteria for slapping Gibby with a piece of pizza.
Why did you slap Gibby with a piece of pizza?
I found it on the floor; I wasn't gonna eat it.
Sam, just sit quietly and try not to break anything.
No promises.
Let me up!
Not if you're gonna tell on Sam!
Then you tell.
No, I swore to Sam. We have to come up with a way to fix this without telling on Sam.
Why would Sam change my grade? And make it better? She hates me.
Oh, and uh, just for the record, the only reason you pinned me down like that is 'cause I wasn't ready.
Are you ready now?
Yeah, why? [she pins him to the ground again as he struggles to break free from her] Can we please not tell anyone about this?
WMr. Wembley
Please complete exercises 7 and 9.
What about number 8?
WMr. Wembley
[whining] I'm in charge!
SSecurity Officer
We're gonna need to speak to a parent or legal guardian.
Spencer!
[from another room] I am in the bathtub!
[the security officers get confused]
[to security officers] Are we under arrest?
[to the security officers] Are you going to take us to juvie?
[scared] I don't want to go to juvie!
They're gonna take us to juvie! [they both start moaning in fear]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's iCarly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.