iCarly · Season 1
What is going on here?!
Uh-oh! Baby was worried This would happen!
Spencer?
[own voice] Could you give me Like five minutes And I'll be right down?
I've been waiting almost a half-hour down there, by myself! And what is all this anyway?
It's a live web show, and we refuse To break character!
Who is this woman?! Off with her head!
If her head does come off, might I please eat it?
So...YOU took my bullhorn!
No...no! See, Sam was the one who-
(grabs Freddie, drags him and yells into her bullhorn) COME WITH ME!
LOUD!
Do you see anything?
Just trees. And some bushes... and two squirrels wrestling!
... Carly...
Yeah?
They're not wrestling...
... Oh...
Hey, did you see those squirrels?
(very quickly) Don't talk about it!
I don't think a 7-foot beastman is gonna be afraid of a 160-pound spazzy artist.
At least the fall made the water come out off my ear... and some blood.
Ohhhhhhh, it hurts!
What?
The sound of Freddie talking!
*pulls off Dr. Van Gurbin's Bigfoot mask*
Hey!
Dr. Van Gurbin?
Well, this is a Scooby Doo moment.
I'm so sorry. See, my book wasn't selling well, and my dad always told me I would be a failure.
Your dad was right.
So you dressed up like Bigfoot just to create hype?
Yes. So people would buy my new book. [takes out his book] Bigfoot.
[Sam smacks the book out off his hands]
I had that coming.
[Spencer is making a sandwich.]
[Spreads mayo on the sandwich] Little mayyyyyo. [Squeezes mustard on the sandwich] Some mustarrrrrd. [Puts turkey breast on the sandwich] Some turkey breastess. [Swats away a fly, then puts a slice of tomato on the sandwich] Slice of tomato. [Swats away the fly, then takes out a piece of lettuce] A little iceberg– [Uses the piece of lettuce to swat at the fly] –off the port bow. [Puts the piece of lettuce on the sandwich, then swats at the fly] Back off, jerk! [To Carly, who is upstairs] Carly! Where's the fly swatter?
[From upstairs] I threw it away.
Why?
[From upstairs] 'Cause it's not nice to kill things.
[To Carly] Oh, yeah, I guess you're right. [To the fly] I'm gonna kill you so hard. [Accidentally sweeps the food off the table]
[From upstairs] What are you doing?
[To Carly] Nothing! Just reading the Bible! This pharaoh guy's really giving Moses a hard time.
[The fly lands on the counter top.]
Oh. You wanna rest there for a minute, Mr. Fly? Okay, that's cool. [Takes an umbrella] It's a comfy counter top, isn't it? [Raises the umbrella] Don't mind me. I'm not gonna kill you with an umbrella or anything. It's just that today's weather forecast calls for DEATH!!! [Accidentally breaks off a piece of the counter top with the umbrella] Aw! Dang it! [Picks up the piece] You made me break the counter top!
I was reading this Bible.
This is a Mexican cookbook.
We can still learn from it.
[Notices the broken piece of the counter top] How'd the counter get broken?
Some lady came and–
[Takes the umbrella, realizes] You were trying to kill the fly!
Flies like to die.
[Carly grunts at Spencer. Spencer takes the umbrella from Carly and grunts back at her.]
It's a natural pose.
Of course it is. I do this all the time, don't you, Carls?
Yeah, I find it both natural and not stupid-looking.
Nora (Danielle Morrow): I don't think you guys will watch this cuz you probably get a bajillion emails a day, but if you are...iCarly is my life.
(sing-songy) I see a girlfriend for Freddie!
I don't wanna go to Nora Dirshlitt's lame birthday party!
That girl has a sad life!
So does Freddie! We can't fix the world!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's iCarly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
