iCarly · Season 1
What's that?
Soggy banner. Our plans to get more viewers didn't go too well.
Yeah, like how the Titanic staying afloat didn't go too well.
Come on, maybe a few people read our sign... Before the rain ruined all our hard work and made us sad.
Yeah. We could still win.
Yeah, I don't think so. I think me and Spencer are gonna win, and you two are gonna have to touch Lewbert's wart. I feel bad for you, Carly. Not for you.
Well done, Spencer. You, too, Freddie.
Thank you, Carly. In your face, Sam.
[Sam stares at Freddie]
Carly, Sam, Freddie. You cannot believe how awesome this sign looks from out here. It is so dazzlingly bright, I swear it's like-- [car crashes]
What's going on out there, Spencer?
Well, it seems our sign is so bright and dazzling, it distracted one of the drivers below. [car crashes] Actually, two of the drivers-- [another car crashes] Three of the dr-- [many cars crash] Literally, many of the drivers below are being distracted by our extremely dazzling sign.
Quick. Turn it off!
Turn it off!
Oh, okay. I will now turn off the sign. [pushes button, but the sign starts flickering instead of turning off]
That's not off!
Spencer.
Dude!
Oh, man, I am pressing the buttons! Literally, all of them, trying to turn off the sign.
You're gonna overload the circuits!
[sign malfunctions and goes from saying "PLEASE GO ONLINE TO iCARLY.COM" to saying "P█E██E ██ ON████ ██ █CARL█████"]
"Pee on Carl"?
[Freddie is disgusted]
Turn that off!
I am trying! It's the stupid cars! [hear car tires screeching] Don't look at the sign! Stop beholding the si-- [hears a crunch] I stepped on my taco!
Today, we have a special treat.
[raising his hand] Is it a spelling bee?
Be quiet, Gibby! You are about to be stimulated by a true performer.
[raising his hand] Ryan Seacrest?
[annoyed] GIBBY!
[Gibby quickly lowers his hand]
[of the multiple boys in the apartment Carly/Spencer will end up dancing with in a dream] I don't know what's going on here... but I think I like it.
Tell me everything!
He said we should hang out some time! [Girlish screams; teacher walks by and she speaks in a fake tone] Actually, I feel that teachers should give us more homework.
Yes. More homework and more discipline.
Yes, discipline is a priority in...
[Carly and Sam watch teacher leave; they scream loud, girlish screams again]
Cinnamon buns! Cinnamon buns! Cinnamon buns!
When it comes to the part when Jake was supposed to sing, we'll just improvise and talk about something funny.
Like Freddie's haircut.
[singsong voice] I heard that!
[singsong voice] You were supposed to!
I saw you kissed his nose.
Well, yeah, but we're not dating.
[school bell rings]
Let's all get to class.
I'll see you around.
But it was just a nose kiss! Aw, come on! It was strictly nasal!
Alright, don't worry too much about this yet, just... go do your homework or something.
Kay.
I mean... YOU GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY!
Yes, sir!
AND JUST SAY NO!
Always!
AND STAY IN SCHOOL!
Maybe.
I wanna stay here in Seattle with Spencer!
Spencer needs to learn how to take care of himself before he can take care of a child.
I'm not a child! I'm just young and short.
[answers phone] Hello? No, Freddie's not here, Mrs. Benson. I don't know when I grew leg hair! I gotta go!
Here. [hands Granddad a piece of paper]
What's this?
Everything you need to know about taking care of Carly. I've listed all her allergies, the number for poison control...
She has allergies?
Yes. These are Carly's favorite foods, drinks, soups and chowders...
Aren't soups and chowders the same thing?
No, there's a distinction. This is her homework schedule and a number for a tutor because she's been having a little trouble with science. These are the vitamins that she needs to take everyday. I only give her the ones shaped like dinosaurs.
Why?
Dinosaurs are cool. Oh, and she's really into drinking coffee, [whispers] but I always give her decaf without telling her.
What?
[in normal voice] Nothing.
So... who's gonna take the blame when I put live raccoons in the trunk of Mrs. Briggs' car?
Will you at least try to stay out of trouble?
No.
Anti-tick lotion?
It's precautionary!
[Carly, Sam, and Freddie are cleaning out Carly's locker]
Oooh can I have this? (iPod)
I'm leaving, not dying.
But don't you want something for me to remember you by? Like 500 of your favorite songs?
Give it!
I'm just trying to cheer you up.
You can't cheer me up. I'm moving to Yakima. I'm gonna be a Yakimite. Or Yakimanitian.
Yakimaniac.
[To Freddie] You're yakimannoying.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's iCarly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
