Okay. If we're not best friends, then, how would I know that you've slept with two different colored socks on your feet since you were little 'cause you think it's good luck? And how would I know that you're right-handed, but you punch harder with your left? And how would I know that your mom's foot has a tattoo on it?
NO! (to Spencer) I just want you back! I want you the way you're supposed to be! I want you to make crazy sculptures, and to accidentally set stuff on fire, and to wear socks that light up. (to Mrs. Benson) And I want you to be single and lonely again! (to Nevel) And I want you to leave the country... (to Rona) And...nobody even likes you! (to Spencer) And... I want Sam back! (to Freddie) And I want you to be my friend and say "in five, four, three, two," but not the one, which I never understood, but I liked it! And... I just want my life back! (runs upstairs crying)
[after Freddie shows himself to the audience] That was Freddie, who, last week, handcuffed me to a nerd. So now guess what?... [pause] Freddie's never kissed a girl. Never. Not once. I heard him say so myself and Carly's a witness. Okay, Later. [walks away]
The important thing is to be proud of yourself. You need to face the world with shoulders cocked, and say, "I AM FREDDIE BENSON, AND I HAVE NEVER KISSED A GIRL!"[other students start laughing] Hey, there! Stop that! Stop laughing at this unfortunate misfit!
What? Okay, he stayed home from school all week, he missed two iCarly rehearsals, and now he's gonna miss the show? That's so unprofessional. [takes a bite out of a meatball and puts it back]
You really hurt him. Every time he leaves the house, he gets teased cause you told the whole world he's never kissed anyone. You know he won't even talk to his mom? He just sits on the fire escape, alone, 'cause he's too embarrassed to see anyone. [walks over to Freddie's tech cart] You, like, ruined his whole life, and you don't even care.
But, um... before we start our meatball war... I wanna say something. [stops music] On the last iCarly... I told you guys that Freddie never kissed anyone. And that was really personal, and I shouldn't have said it on the show. And for all you people out there who've been teasing Freddie about it, lay off, because I bet a whole lot of you haven't kissed anyone either; Including me. Yeah. That's right, I've never kissed anyone. So if you want to tease someone about it, tease me...which is a bad idea unless you live near a hospital!
