I've got trademark products all over my body because I was drunk one night. Don't live like me.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
You know, I mean, uh, kids don't want to do anything. You know, in my experience, Paula? Kids are always like "I don't wanna do that!" I consider my job to kinda twist them in the direction of doing stuff. I mean that's what coaching's all about. That's why I love it. Every day I go out there and I twist the kids into doing something they don't wanna do!
You know Lynch, uh, it's funny when I talk to you, I get a little uncomfortable because I feel like you're being condescending to me, and I hope that's not the case, because if it is, I'm gonna kick your ass, and if it isn't, let's clear it up right now. So, you can tell me whether you're being condescending to me whenever we speak, and if you say yes, I'm gonna beat you up right here in the faculty lounge, and if you say no then I'm going to, uh, say, "Fine." Alright? You being condescending right now?
LMr. Lynch
Hmm.
Excuse me, monster coming through. Coming through, how you doin'?
Aim for his heart. Aim for his heart!
Fire!
Ahhh!
Direct Hit.
Ahh! Maybe you should look at yourself before you take it out on me. I'm just one monster and when I'm gone! You'll remember me! Ooow! Oww! And then you'll have to at yourselves. And own up to what you've done. For isn't every man a monster!
I guess he's right! I guess we're all!
Your're damn right I'm right!
Yea Yeah I know!
Stop shooting!
Ok! Hey guys!
Don't you realize that if you stop now I might be able to get surgery!
Uhh yeah I'm going to tell them hold on.
Tell the guy that's shooting to stop shooting!
Who's shooting!?!
Oh for god's sakes, tell 'em to stop!
I'm trying!
I mean hello!
I know!
Do you have any control of your people!?!?!
I..I Who's shooting?!? Please stop!
Ah forget it, leave him alone. I'll just die!
I'd like to make an appointment, with you if you're free, on Wednesday.
SShannon
About what time?
I'm thinking maybe 3:30. Alright keep that open.
SShannon
What's this about?
I'm going to pound the crap out of you.
What happens after you punch his butt a second time?
I'm gonna probably kick him.
Kick him! Where you gonna kick him?
I'm gonna go for the butt again.
Okay. Let's get away from the butt.
So I just feel like I'm in the way... of Mitch & Lonny.
Brendon.
Yeah?
You're 8 years old. You need to remember to bring your homework folder to school everyday. You need to remember to wash your hands before you eat your breakfast, lunch, dinner & snack. And you need to worry about all this...
Do you want to hear about how great they are together?
I WANT TO KNOW WHY THEY PICKED ME TO PLay this trick on, this joke.
It wasn't a joke.
I got played by both of them and you know what sister? DONT PLAY ME! Dont play Brendon Small because he dont like that stuff.
You were playing the game of love and when you play the game of love someone always get's hurt.
I'm turning my chips in, you know why?
Because you lost?
NO I QUIT!
You forfeit?
I fold! I know what my cards are and you know something? I DONT HAVE A GOOD HAND!
Jason [As Louis Braille]: I'm going to get a house with a nice view of the ocean.
Brendon [As Louis Pasteur]: But you're blind.
Well, my entire family isn't blind. Did you ever think of that?
Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking.
Brendon [As Louis Pasteur]: We are two great men from France, both named Louis!
Then there’s nice funny--like maybe a little light sarcasm or a clever twist or a knock-knock joke. I like those. You like those?
Um…
Knock-knock.
Huh.
Brendon. Knock-knock. I’m doing a knock-knock joke. Knock-knock.
Uh, hello.
what do you mean, hello? You say who’s there? Brendon. Do you knock a knock-knock joke?
Yeah, uh…
I say knock-knock you say who’s there?
Yeah, right. I’m not a big fan of…
You know what? Do it. Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
No, wait a minute, you say knock-knock.
I don’t…knock-knock.
Who’s there?
I don’t know.
I don’t know who?
I don’t know, I hate this joke.
That’s not funny. It’s got to be a pun or something. You know what? Forget it. Where was I? Oh, yeah, nice funny.
Hey, ladies, uh, my name is John McGuirk. I, uh, am a professional soccer coach at the elementary school level and I own a nice car though I do not currently have legal access to it. Um, as you can see, I used to be in good shape and, uh, in the last two years I’ve successfully completed four out of five rehab programs. The kind of woman I’m interested in is the one, I guess, who’s still watching this video.
Cut. I’m going to stop you right there.
What’s? That was, uh, that was not good or…
We got it. We got this.
EErik
I think you nailed it.
You ever heard the phrase "Slipped him a Mickey"? As in: Somebody just slipped that guy a mickey, and now everything looks weird to him.
Nurse, beautiful swan.
Oh, oh, is she okay? What is that strange wheezing noise?
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