Brad Taylor quotes from Home Improvement

Brad

Mom!

What?

Brad

Dad's cussing.

Tim

I'm not cussing.

Mark

He said a bad word.

Tim

It wasn't bad!

Randy

He said 'hell' and 'damn'.

Tim

I did not say 'damn'.

Randy

Now you did.

Brad

Dad, am I gonna be able to help you work on this thing?

Tim

You bet!

No, no, Brad, honey, you have to finish your homework.

Brad

Aww, man

Tim

No "aww man's." Do what she says, then you can help.

Tim

Hey Randy, did you do your homework?

Randy

Yeah.

Tim

Want to help?

Randy

No.

Tim

Where did I go wrong with him?

Don't worry about it, he's not yours.

Brad

I don't have a woman.

Mark

I have a woman, Mommy.

Randy

Your Mom can't be your woman, stupid!

Tim

A lotta guys pay shrinks a lotta money to figure that out!

Randy's no longer playing the innkeeper, because he added some lines.

Brad

Yeah. He doubled the price of the room and asked the wise men for ID!

Randy

They made me a sheep.

Tim

Mark and I were talking in the garage, do you guys know anything about a "little brother tax"?

No.

Tim

Maybe I should tell you about something called a "large angry father tax."

Randy

(after the play) I saw Jennifer looking at me.

Brad

She wanted to know where you bought your tights.

Tim

[Catches Brad with the garden hose] What did I tell you about water balloons?

Brad

Fill 'em up real full so they bust on contact?

Tim

[Grins deviously] That's right!

[Upset that Brad didn't pick her for his kickball team] You can be so dense.

Brad

Hey, I may dense, but my team won!