Wilson quotes from Home Improvement

Tim

However much I'm not jealous, I'm twice as much not insecure.

Wilson

Well, you should feel secure, Tim. You've got what every man dreams of.

Tim

A satellite dish!

Wilson

No, Tim. Three strapping boys, a nice home, and a loving wife.

Tim

What are you doing?

Wilson

Oh, just pounding myself some horseshoes.

Tim

Wouldn't a pair of loafers be more comfortable?

Do you think that Tim is a good listener?

Wilson

Yes! I think Tim is a very good listener.

But does he understand everything you say?

Wilson

I think Tim is a very good listener.

Tim

What are you up to?

Wilson

Just painting a self-portrait.

Tim

Yeah? Of who?

Tim

Is there anything you DON'T know, Wilson?

Wilson

I don't know.

Wilson, do you think humans are more important than machines?

Wilson

Without a doubt. Although, I am awfully fond of my waffle maker.

Well, could you please tell that to the knucklehead I'm married to?

Wilson

Oh, he knows. He's had my waffles.

Tim

Jill met my girlfriend.

Wilson

Well, I can't say that I approve of that.

Tim

No, my old high-school girlfriend.

Wilson

Oh.

Tim

She's kind of annoyed about something I didn't do years ago.

Wilson

A sin of omission.

Tim

It wasn't that bad. When I broke up with this girl, I never called to tell her.

Wilson

So, you lied to her?

Tim

No.

Wilson

Well, according to Robert Louis Stevenson, you did. He said, "The cruelest lies are often told in silence."

Tim

Hm. But didn't Calvin Coolidge say nothing he never said ever did him any harm?

Wilson

Very good. Thomas Mann once said, "A harmful truth is better than a useful lie."

Tim

Not bad. Wait, wait, wait! Turkish proverbs was, "He who tells the truth will be chased out of nine villages."

Wilson

Excellent. But I believe the final word would be Heywood Broun. "For truth there is no deadline."

Tim

Oh, that's three to two. You beat me, Wilson.