TTimJill
When he was in that Christmas play, all the other kids just stood up on the stage, Randy... STOOD UP, ON THE STAGE!
Well, he gets that from you, honey. 'Cause you don't just burn meatloaf, you BURN MEATLOAF!
“Groin Pains (aka Groin Pulls)” · Season 2
In this episode: Tim Taylor (5), Jill Taylor (1), Randy Taylor (1), Al Borland (1), Brad Taylor (1), Mark Taylor (1), Wilson (1)
Jill[explaining her trashy romance novels]: I know it seems silly, but some of these are very well-written.
Really? [reading from the book, in a deep voice] Her heart stood still as Derek swept her into his arms. His sinewy biceps rippled as he carried her up the STAIRS, to a NIGHT, of ETERNAL ECSTASY! Oh, PLEASE!
Jill[embarassed]: Okay, so I enjoy cheap romance and drama.
Fine. I'll bring some hand puppets to the bedroom.
[Tim has just dropped a heavy trunk in the garage, and is moaning in pain]
Do you have to go to the bathroom, Dad?
I don't think I'm EVER going to the bathroom again.
What happened?
Tim[strained]: I pulled my GROIN!
What's that?
My very favorite muscle.
Tim(to Al): So, we're going to have to change the format of the show today. YOU are gonna have to do ALL the work.
And what would the change be, Tim?
Is there anything you DON'T know, Wilson?
I don't know.
You see, after thirteen years of marriage . . .
JJill
Fourteen!
(after the play) I saw Jennifer looking at me.
She wanted to know where you bought your tights.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Home Improvement pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.