Piper Hart quotes from Henry Danger

Piper

My brother is Kid Danger, but my brother is gross. So Kid Danger is gross? But I love Kid Danger! So I love my brother?! [screams]

Piper

There. Now no one can hear you type.

Piper Hart

[marching down the stairs, looking angry] JASPER!!!!

Oh, hey, Piper!

Piper Hart

Did you go to my bathroom and take my curling iron?!

Yeah, but I...

Henry Hart

Hey! Don't you yell at my Jasper!

Piper Hart

He jacked my girly Curly! [yanks out Jasper's eyelashes]

[yells] She yanked out my eyelashes!

Henry Hart

Piper! You just hurt someone I Love!

Piper Hart

Yeah! And I'm just getting started! [starts beating up Jasper]

What? No, no!

Henry Hart

No! Stop!

Piper Hart

You want some more?!

Charlotte Page

Piper!

Piper Hart

Are you gonna steal my --

Henry Hart

Piper, quit that!

Piper Hart

[as everything goes in slow motion] NOW, STAY OUT OF MY BATHROOM!!!

Henry Hart

[in slow motion] No!

Henry Hart

[in slow motion] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Hey, Piper.

Piper Hart

What up, Jana?

I see your volcano got a three. I, uh... guess that's better than a two.

Piper Hart

Well at least I built mine. I didn't have my smelly dad do it for me.

Oh, great! So you're a loser all by yourself.

Piper Hart

[starts fuming with rage] That's it.

[quickly restrains Piper] Whoa! No, Piper, no!

Piper Hart

[enraged] SHE CALLED ME A LOSER!

They're just words. Just ignore her!

Yeah, Piper! Listen to your dumb dad.

[starts getting infuriated] She called me dumb! [Is about to charge at Jana, but Piper quickly restrains him] I don't have to take that from A kid!

Piper Hart

Relax!

You think I'm dumb?! I went to college! I'll show you dumb! JERK!!!

Piper Hart

LET IT GO!

Yeah! You better walk away!

Piper Hart

I AM NOT OKAY!!! [marches upstairs, groaning angrily]

[sits on the couch, feeling relaxed] I'm okay!

Hey, hey! Happy your birthday, Henry! Oh, I'll open my present. Alright?

Henry Hart

Watch out.

Piper Hart

[gets up] Jasper!

Charlotte Page

Yeah, I'm just gonna set this down like a normal person.

[to Henry] We've been talking about you behind your back. And we've realized that sometimes...

You get three beeps on your watch. Then, you make up a ridiculous excuse and leave the house for three hours.

Henry

I don't make ridiculous excuses.

Piper

Oh, yeah? Remember when you said Jasper's water bed was on fire?

Kris

Or that your teacher, Miss Shapen, needed you to give her ankle hair an emergency trim?

Jake

You saw a bird with a human face down the street.

Piper

You saw a human with a bird face up the street.

Henry

Uhhh, can we... can we talk about this larer? Please? Like when I get back from seeing Jasper in the beatboxing competition?

Piper

Hmm, I thought it was a yodeling competition.

Henry

It's both.

Piper

[shocked] Oh, my God! My brother is Kid Danger!

Kid Danger

No, I'm not, I mean... No, he's not. I mean, no, we're not. Who's your brother? He's probably awesome, but he's not me. You should leave!

Piper

[to Captain Man] And you, must be Henry's boss from Junk N Stuff.

I sure am! You got a smart sister, Henry.

Kid Danger

Dude!

Yeah, that's your brother. I'm his boss. Make yourself at home. I will be riiight back. [leaves]

Wait, why are you being so calm about this, and where are you going?

Piper

[to Kid Danger] Who else knows about this? Does Mom know?

Kid Danger

No.

Piper

Does Dad know?!

Kid Danger

No! And no, they don't. Okay, you can't tell them. You can't tell anybody about this because no one else knows.

Charlotte

Henry! You and Ray have got ti stop playing with the break room...

Piper

Charlotte?!

Charlotte

Piper?!

Piper

You said no one else knows!

Charlotte

Uh... I don't know. I don't know anything. I just woke up here.This isn't my house! Where am I? [chuckles nervously]

Kid Danger

Okay, fine! Charlotte knows, and is a really terrible liar, but no one else knows.

Jasper

[appears by the elevator] Hey, Henry! The package thief was your Dad! Hey, Piper. Check out how great my fake eyebrows -- [realizes] Oh my God, what's Piper doing here?!

Piper

Jasper knows too?!

Kid Danger

Okay, yes! Jasper knows, and so does Charlotte, but that... that's it!

Schwoz

Up the tube! [goes up the tube]

Piper

Was that our new neighbor from Germany?

Kid Danger

Well...

Piper

'Cause he also looks like our Italian plumber.

Kid Danger

That's actually a funny story...

Piper

And the guy who fell through our ceiling and landed on top of me!

Kid Danger

Okay, yes, he's all those people, all right? And probably some other guys that I can't remember right now. [his phone rings] Hang kn a sec. [answers the call] What, Schwoz?

Schwoz

[on phone] Your sister is in the Man Cave! I think she might have seen me.

Kid Danger

Yeah. I know she saw you. Get back here, click.

Schwoz

[on phone] Click.

Henry

I, uh... I gotta go.

Piper

Where?

Henry

There's a oven on at the zoo, so I'm just going to turn that off. So...

Piper

You don't have to lie anymore. I know you're Kid Danger.

Henry

Oh. Yeah. Emergency at the Man Cave. Gotta go.

Piper

Can I come?

Henry

Uh, sorry. Nerds only, later toad! [Closes the door]

Piper

[to Kid Danger] Do bad guys usually talk this much?

Kid Danger

Usually, yeah.

Henry

Great. Let's go.

Charlotte

Can I point out one problem with your plan?

Piper

[groans loudly] My God, Charlotte! WHAAAAAAT?!

Ray

She's starting to fit in around here.

Jake

Henry Prudence Hart...

Kris

We are so...... proud of you!

Kid Danger

Sick turn, Mom.

Jake

You're a superhero, son! Other than being an actor it's the most important thing you could be in this world.

Kid Danger

Wait so you're really not mad? Even though I'm failing out o school?

Jake

Ha! No, we're still really mad about that.

Kid Danger

Wait a second. Charlotte's the one who thinks. If Charlotte were here, she would probably say something like... "Mmm. I don't know guys, this looks pretty bad." And then I would say, "Wow, Charlotte, that's not very helpful." And then Schwoz would say, "Uh, I might have a device." And I'd say, "Nice, Schwoz, what does that device do?" And then Ray would probablg say, "I got a device that can fix this - my fist!" And then Jasper, he'd say, "I got a device that can comb my hair!" And then, Piper would be like, "Jasper, that's a comb." And I would be like, "Guys, can we please focus? Because Drex is back, and he just sent Rayy tk the past, and he just kidnapped Bose and Schwoz, and he's gknna erase everybody's memory jn Swellview - and I'm freaking out, guys! I'm freaking out!" And Charlotte wkuld probably be like...

Charlotte

[offscreen] Everything's gonna be fine.

Kid Danger

Hang on, Charlotte, I'm trying to... [turns around and sees Piper, Charlotte and Jasper] You guys came back! [he runs towards them and hugs them] Good to see you. OK, things are bad. Drex is back, and he sent Ray tk the past but I beat him up pretty bad but then he got away...

Jasper

Henry!

Charlotte

We heard you.

Kid Danger

Right. Okay, that'll save us a lot of time. But I'm still freaking out, I don't know what to do.

Charlotte

Just don't freak out.

Jasper

Yeah, cause we're here and we're gonna help ypu.

Piper

[walks out, holding a huge gun] Yeah. This guy messes with you, he messes with us.

Kid Danger

Okay, I'm just going to push this into the safe zone.

Charlotte

I do need someone to go down to the 10th Man Cave ans get the Shelgon Crystal.

Kris

There aee 10 Man Caves?

Piper

One on top of the other. It's like a Man Cave Diez Leches Cake.

Jake

What's a Shelgon Crystal?

Piper

Enough with the stupid questions! Charlotte needs it, I'll get it.

Kris

Does anyone else smell burnt hair?

Piper

Mom, what did I just say about stupid questions?