Kamekona quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Danny

What are you, uh, what are you doing?

Kamekona

"Tiny Bubbles." Written by Leon Pober, released by Don Ho in 1966.

Danny

Ah, and butchered by you here in 2013.

Steve

[grins] I liked it.

Kamekona

[grumbles under his breath] "Butchered". [hands Steve his ukelele and a piece of paper] This is for you, brah.

Steve

What is it?

Kamekona

Cost of doing business.

Steve

[looks at paper] No. This is this-this is $300. [Kamekona looks at him] What do you–– $300 for a ukulele?!

Kamekona

That's koa wood, brah. And good information does not come cheap. Especially during the holiday season.

Danny

Wow. You actually have a wallet.

Kamekona

Bruddah, I don't think it's chili unless you have spam in it.

Lou

Where I come from, spam is a controlled substance. Eat up.

Kamekona

You know what your problem is, brah? You're the hoarder.

Jerry

Yeah, a hoarder of truth.

Jerry, compulsive hoarding is a symptom of OCD. Have you ever been diagnosed?

Jerry

Oh, yeah, Dr. Shaw? Hanging out with dead people all day could be considered borderline necrophilia. Have you ever been diagnosed?

Dr. Shaw

Denial is another symptom.

Kamekona

It's the pressure. It's affecting my game.

Problem is, you are cooking from here. [points at temple] You should be cooking from here. [points at Kamekona's heart] To be your best, you must search within yourself. Rediscover your passion.

Kamekona

That's heavy.

Tell me- who did you train under?

Kamekona

Trigger Mike.

I'm not familiar with Chef Trigger Mike.

Kamekona

I should hope not. He ran the mess up at Halawa Correctional. Gave me my first job in a kitchen. I became pretty good at it, too. My butter shrimp were so famous, the night guards used to sneak in the fresh catch. I used to grill 'em up in my cell on a hot plate that ran off a car battery. Some of the best meals I ever cooked.

Show me that.

Kamekona

Hai. [sets up his makeshift stove and cooks his butter shrimps. He completes enough for one plate and has Iron Chef Morimoto taste it]

[eats one slice and lights up upon discovering how good it is] This is how you will beat Choy. Now we just work on your technique.

Dr. Bergman

I do have to admit I am perplexed by the name that Kamekona has chosen for her. [everyone looks at the boat's side, on which "SS Thong Magnet" is painted in bright pink]

Kamekona

I didn't pick it, Doc. This boat is from a HPD property forfeiture auction. Re-painting wasn't in the budget.