Hiram Mightor quotes from Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law

A, ah, [clears throat] Mr. Ding-a-ling here to see you.

Harvey

[Greeting Ding-a-ling] Mr. Ding-a-ling!

Mightor

[On a golf course, waving a club] Ha-ha-ha, deedle-deedle-dee.

Gee whizzes, Mr. Birdman, something awful's happened. I went to register my name, because I wanna do a web site for all my fans...

...and this is what came up. It's pictures, dirty pictures!

Peanut

You think you got it bad? You should see what Tweetypie-dot-org looks like. Hee hee, yeah, "I tawt I taw a puddy... tat."

Harvey

Mr Gator ... [Wally Gator breaths menacengly, Harvey steps back], tell the court in your own words what you do each day

Well ..., I fish and hunt, then I watch NASCAR. yep.

Harvey

Things have been harder lately?

Oh sure have! All these chain stores sprung up all over the place

Harvey

And the wildlife you're accused of injuring while trying to make your living crawfising in the swamp?

Manatees [Switch to projecting slides where Wally shreds a manatee with his speedboat fan]. Don't see why the laws protecting them! Ain't nothin but floatin' meatsacks! [Court in surprise, deputy zips up pants] . Huh, federal government has NO BUSINESS tellin me how I should live MY LIFE!!!

Mightor

[Catering liquor from a reflux still] Heh, preach!!!

Mentok

What's the meaning of this? This is my quiet time.

Hiram Mightor

We're going to have to take you into custody.

Mentok

Ha ha. That's outrageous. What am I charged with?

Hiram Mightor

Don't have to tell you anymore. Clearly you haven't been reading your Scalia.