Harley Quinn · Season 1
So who do you need me to mind-control to open the door?
No, no. No one. Just squeeze into the crawlspace, get into the house, and open it from the inside.
Are you shitting me? I'm a genius telepath! Why're you wasting me on THIS?
You're the only thing small enough to fit!
Got it. Sonofabitch!
Then they all ran off with that loser Kite Man!
Yeah, what a loser that guy is. Did he mention my name?
Holy fucking shit, Harls. You did it. I would not have seen that coming.
Is she mad about the paywall too? $7.99 is an ambitious price point, and it doesn't include the crossword, which is ridic.
Robin's lying. Why would I fight a kid?! I want a nemesis with some hair on their chest!
[snorts in amusement] Well, that rules out Batman. Catwoman says he waxes everything.
You can't fuck with Lois Lane, people. What if Superman comes?!
Great! Then I'll have the most powerful nemesis in the WORLD!
Oh, brother...
All right, that's it, enough of this shit. We're killing Robin.
[Her gang all look shocked]
Harley! You can't kill him.
You don't think I can kill a 12 year old? Oh, okay. Well, I will smash in his face, WITH A BAT, LIKE A WATERMELON!
Oh, no, no, I believe you have the ability to kill him. What I'm saying is, if you do it, you validate what everyone's saying. That Robin's your nemesis.
Also, you'd be a child killer, which some may argue is worse.
I don't retract articles and I definitely not writing a puff piece about... what was your headline?
Kill him, Ivy!
Harley! What the fuck do you think you're doing? Are you trying to steal my Batman?
Last week I was in the fucking Legion of Doom and now THIS is my life!
I'm gonna say something embarrassing here. I didn't have a nemesis until... my late twenties.
Don't patronize me, father, it's unbecoming.
It's true. I wasn't ready for one. You want your first nemesis to be special. Someone that you can see being your nemesis for the rest of your life.
I suppose you're right, father... When can I start having sex?
I... think I hear the bat-signal. [Grapples the hooks away]
[The crew are in Harley's mind, watching her memories]
I am honoured to be the valedictorian and I just want to thank absolutely no-one! Fuck all of you. Fuck the principal. Fuck the shop teacher who looks at my ass every time I walk out of class - yeah, I see you. Have a great fucking summer.
I basically gave the same speech at my sister's wedding.
Hey, Ive, I think there's something really screwed up about me.
I wanna say this in just the most loving way, but there's NO way that this is just occurring to you now.
Sorry you didn't get that mack-in-a you were talkin' about—but at least that guy showed up outta nowhere to save us for no reason!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Harley Quinn pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
