Harley Quinn · Season 1
[Introducing his resurrected zombie parents to Damian] Mother, Father, this is your grandson. Damian, say hello to your soon to be completely alive grandmama and grandpapa.
[Damian looks up, uninterested. He then walks away while playing with his video games]
[To his zombie parents] Teens, am I right? [realizing] Oh, right. You died when I was eight. Well, they're a handful.
[After she had to sacrifice her life-long plan to save Harley's life] FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Harley, face it. You... [inhales] you've evolved. You want to help people. You're not a villain anymore.
That is not true.
Why won't you just admit it?
Because I don't wanna lose you.
[Genuinely surprised] Do you really think that you would lose me?
If we don't want the same thing, what is that mean for us?
Look, if running the Legion of Doom with me isn't for you, it's okay. I don't want you to compramise yourself. We're equals in this relationship and that's why it's so great. We can fully have different passions. I mean, if I didn't leave you during your craft beer phase, I'm not leaving you now.
Yeah, I know, I could not pull off those cargo shorts.
Look, as long as you're honest with me, I will support whatever you want to do.
But what if I don't know exactly what that is? Look, I know I don't want to kill Joker and I don't want to do big evil plans, but... do I wanna help people? Maybe. I don't know. I haven't really let myself think about it. People are saying I'm not a villain anymore which is fine, like, whatever, labels are lame, but... I'm not ready to identify as... the other thing.
You know what? Then we're gonna figure this out together. Right? BFFGFFs. That's us, right?
So, okay. That's what you've decided.
It is. I was alone for so long carrying around this trauma. Then I met you and I fell in love which helped me get past it. I'm finally in a place where I can actually think about what I want. It's exciting. And scary.
I'm so proud of you.
So, is Lex gonna be pissed you didn't killed Joker?
Oh, he probably wants me even more right now...
Hmm. God knows I do. [kisses Ivy]
Hey, assholes!
[Excitedly] Ooooh!
Harley? What are you doing here?
Yeah, with Baty in the clink, I thought you silly rodents might need a little help. Hm? Don't worry, Nightwing. You still got the best looking ass out of all of us.
Mmm, let's give her a chance.
Are you ready?
Like in general or is there some specific we need to do?
Welcome to the fam, Harley!
[Nightwing, Robin, and Batgirl jump off the top of the Wayne Tower, using their grappling hooks to fly away into the night]
Thanks for waiting me, you fucking dildos! [Smiles] I'll take the stairs.
Who is pumped for the best VD ever? I mean, ugh, look, you know what I meant.
Oh, wait a second. Is this the one that you got from Halloween when you tried to go as Wonder Wolf-man and no one got it?
I was a wolf wearing a Wonder Woman suit. It made perfect fucking sense.
Holy shit. Do I love Valentine's Day? Not only is it the gushiest, mushiest, most romantic day of the year, but for 24 hours, you have a bulletproof excuse for doing super cheesy shit for your partner. You can eat as much chocolate as you want, no judgment. And it's super fucking cold in February, so it's the perfect excuse to snuggle.
I promise, if you let me have this one, I will never bring it up again.
You will absolutely bring it up every year.
Yeah, but with less gusto.
I'm on all the dating apps, but haven't swiped right once. I can't get past the profiles. Does no one understand correct grammar, dangling modifiers, sentence fragments, using the word "anyways" as a transition... It's "anyway"! There's no "S"! And as you know, nothing turns me off more than reckless disregard for language.
Does anyone know that?
You do now.
Oh, you can't possibly be mad at me for getting you off too good. That is not a thing.
You have to help me. It's an emergency, okay?
[Doing a limerick] Men are from Mars. Women, Venus. Let me guess. You want to have a bigger penis, right?
[As a nude Bane arrives] Everyone, calmly head for the nearest exit. Do not gawk at the large testicles swinging like wrecking balls.
The event promoters have informed me that refunds do not apply to massive homicidal bellends.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Harley Quinn pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
